Persephius

I’m going to the Underworld!

You might not believe it, and honestly I’m still a bit dazed myself, but it’s true! I’m going to the Underworld. Without my mother, without the nymphs, all by myself!

I’m not entirely sure, but it seems my suspicions were mostly correct. I don’t know the full story, but I had been to the Underworld before, drank from the waters of forgetfulness before returning, and lost my memories. 

My mother, half-crazed during my absence, thought it was fortunate that I had erased my memories and decided to sweep everything under the rug. 

But for some reason, my past self apparently swallowed six pomegranate seeds in the Underworld? So now I must return to the Underworld!

My mother? She caused quite an uproar, naturally. But despite how she confronted Zeus, ready to grab him by the collar and shake him, this time there was nothing she could do. 

Even Hera, who usually takes my mother’s side, threw up her hands. The laws dividing the living world and the Underworld are sacred and absolute, and even gods must obey them.

While my mother argued with Zeus and Hera, Hermes escorted me back to Earth, to my mother’s temple. He said I would need to prepare before leaving home.

“What should I pack?” I asked Hermes.

“I’ve never traveled before. As you know. I’ve never packed luggage either. Can you help me?”

Hermes looked surprised for a moment, then answered cheerfully.

“Oh, don’t worry. You’re not going on a trip, so you don’t need to fuss over packing suitcases. You’re simply moving to a new home. Everything you want will be prepared for you there. When I say prepare, I just mean if there’s anything you absolutely want to bring, don’t forget it. Since we don’t know when you’ll return to the surface again. Or you might want to check your stylish clothes. The Underworld is all gloomy blacks and grays. Though if you wish, Lord Hades would surely provide you with a thousand rolls of colorful silk.”

“Lord Hades?”

“Yes.”

How strange! Hermes was clearly watching my reaction at that moment!

“Why would he give me such things? I’ve never even met him.”

“Well, I can’t say much about that. Though you may not remember him, he has likely seen you.”

My mouth felt strangely dry. I swallowed hard.

“Zeus said I was in the Underworld. During the time I lost my memories. Does it have something to do with Lord Hades? Is that why you’re saying he’ll treat me well?”

“My, your mind works quickly.”

Hermes smiled ambiguously, crinkling the corners of his eyes.

“Well, isn’t it obvious? When a living person wanders around the Underworld, Lord Hades, ruler of that realm, would certainly know about it. And because he regarded you favorably, you were allowed to stay for quite some time instead of being immediately expelled. He’s the sibling of Zeus and Demeter, so he’s your relative too. He wouldn’t hesitate to provide you with a few outfits.”

“That’s not the answer I wanted.”

“You’ll know soon enough, young man of spring. I merely followed Zeus’s orders to retrieve you from the Underworld. I’m not the appropriate person for your questions.”

Then he folded his arms and tilted his head. It seemed that was all he would say. His expression made it clear he wouldn’t speak further. If I pressed him more, he would likely make excuses about Zeus and fly away. I nodded obediently.

“Then let me ask about something other than Lord Hades. That’s acceptable, right?”

“Well, I’ll have to hear the question first!”

“Do you think I knew what I was doing? About the six pomegranate seeds, I mean. Are you certain I knew that eating them would bind me to the Underworld? Is there no possibility I didn’t know?”

Hermes’ eyes widened. Either my question was very surprising or very foolish. His amber eyes were rimmed with crimson. Mother always said yellow-eyed cats were the most intelligent. I wondered if Hermes benefited from his eye color too.

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth like a balsam flower bursting its seeds.

“Of course you knew, Narcissus! You even requested the waters of Lethe yourself. Any clever person who knows the effects of Lethe’s waters would surely know the first rule of the Underworld! Eat Underworld food and you belong to the Underworld!”

“I knew? Really?”

“Yes. This much I can confirm. On my way to fetch you, I personally filled an Olympian golden cup with the river water. And I watched you willingly accept that cup and drink every last drop. I saw your face then. Your expression showed you knew everything and were prepared. Like a soldier burning his bridges! If I had seen even a hint of doubt in you, I would have dared to stop you. But you had your own plan. Definitely. So I just stood by like a broom. Despite meeting you for the first time, it was a matter of respect between men. One shouldn’t interfere with another man’s gambit.”

I shut myself in my quarters and pondered for a long time.

It wasn’t because of the six pomegranate seeds. Although the Underworld might be dark, all black, and terrifying, it surely has some interesting aspects. 

Gods live there too, after all. Surely they must have some fun? 

Besides, no one would monitor me or force me to wear women’s clothing. Yes, perhaps I did it because I feared returning to my mother and being shackled again. That much I could understand.

The problem was this:

Why did I drink the waters of forgetfulness?

No matter how much I racked my brain, it made no sense. I had no reason to drink from Lethe. 

Even if I had returned to the surface under my mother’s pressure, I could have stood my ground by reminding everyone I had eaten the pomegranate seeds. 

That would have been my freedom. There was no need to gamble with erasing my memories. 

Look! If Mother hadn’t taken me to Zeus, I would never have known I had a first-class ticket to the Underworld. I might have been forced to make friends I didn’t want and marry a woman I didn’t like. How terribly dangerous!

If I had wanted to stay in the Underworld, I could have settled the matter immediately after following Hermes up. Or I could have recited legitimate reasons why Hermes couldn’t take me, resolving the issue on the spot. 

Yet I drank from Lethe. Despite knowing perfectly well that eating Underworld food meant I had to stay there. Why did I do that?

“A gambit,” I muttered while rummaging through the chlamys in my clothes chest.

I had nothing I cherished, nothing I wanted to take with me. I had lived in a room open on all sides, filled only with garlands and bundles of flowers. That’s how I had lived. 

I didn’t want to go to the Underworld lugging a few men’s outfits I had reluctantly received as a peace offering. What a ridiculous sight that would be! 

I would leave with only my body and the clothes on my back. Light and free, like a white hawk crossing the sea.

It felt strange.

It’s true I wanted to leave Mother’s temple and the narcissus fields. Perhaps I even wanted to find the black palace from my dreams by going to the Underworld. 

But to think my ankles were already bound to the Underworld! And by my own choice! 

I had spent my entire life caged by Demeter. That alone was more than enough suffering. Rather than being bound to someone or somewhere beyond that, I would rather bite my tongue and die. 

So why did I swallow six pomegranate seeds to remain trapped in the Underworld? What possible reason could there be?

Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind.

‘Perhaps she is there.’

Drums pounded in my ears. I clutched my chest, leaving the clothes chest open. Just thinking about her made my body unbearably hot, and I wanted to burst into tears.

‘Yes, she must be there. In the Underworld! Maybe she’s an Underworld deity, or a nymph. Or perhaps a spirit of the dead. She must be unable to leave the Underworld, which is why I did such a crazy thing. To be with her! Maybe I drank from Lethe to avoid being questioned about her. Whatever the reason, it must have been for her! Nothing else would make such little sense!’

All those nights, all those dreams of running through the maze-like black palace searching for her! 

I tried to take a deep breath. My pulse still raced wildly, and my hands trembled. Now I understood why her face never appeared in those deep, vivid fantasies. Because of that stupid water of forgetfulness!

Could she have drunk from Lethe too? It seems unlikely, but who knows? What if, like me, she couldn’t bear the pain of losing her lovely lover and drank it? What if she erased her memories because she thought I had completely forgotten her? 

Would she know I ate the pomegranate seeds? She must know! If she knows what crazy thing I did to stay in the Underworld forever, she would never forget me. 

But if she doesn’t know… everything went dark before my eyes. What if I don’t remember her face, and she doesn’t remember me?

But it would be alright. I would surely recognize her. And if she couldn’t recognize me? Well, then we would simply fall in love again. That would be enough.