Chapter 10 Part 1

 Minjoo thought that was enough, seeing her mother’s happy expression.

Her mother’s eyelids kept drooping during the conversation. Noting her tiredness, Gihyun stood up from his seat.

“Rest well. I’ll come again.”

“I want to see you off, but I can’t. Thank you. Minjoo, see him off.”

Forced by her mother’s words, Minjoo left the ward with him. As they moved away from the ward and approached the elevator, Minjoo started the conversation.

“What about the house?”

“It’s exactly what it sounds like. There was some idle land, so I’ve had it built.”

“……”

“You can buy a new one, but if there’s anything left at the old house, let me know. I’ll have it removed.”

Minjoo’s mouth was tightly shut. Gihyun, not noticing, continued speaking.

“It’s better to move after stabilizing. I’ll ask the primary doctor for a transfer request so we can schedule the surgery right there…”

“……”

“…Why?”

Seeing Minjoo’s change in expression, Gihyun turned around from the elevator. After seeing Minjoo’s expression, he let out a sigh. Minjoo slowly spoke.

“I’m anxious.”

“Are you worried that you might change your mind and not go through with it?”

“…No.”

“……”

“I think it’ll be painful whether I accept it or not.”

Receiving the organ felt like accepting physical help in exchange for affection, and not receiving it felt like abandoning a way to save her mother. Either way, it seemed to deviate from moral standards.

“Is it immoral to transplant an organ from a woman I ‘love’ to her mother?”

As if reading her mind, Gihyun responded.

“Is it so unethical to have a child with a man you ‘love’?”

Minjoo looked up at Gihyun. What Gihyun was saying had a flawed premise. Before Minjoo could address it, Gihyun preemptively mentioned it, as if he knew.

“Because that’s missing.”

Love.

“All we need between us is ‘that.’”

It was a statement that seemed impossible after the breakup.

“I can’t easily forgive.”

“……”

“I’ll treat you well.”

“……”

“Just love me a little.”

Leaving those words behind, Gihyun got back into the elevator that had just arrived. Alone, he pressed the button and turned his body. He looked at Minjoo, who was still standing in the same spot. As if waiting.

The elevator doors closed between their entangled gazes. Minjoo was left standing alone. The sense of loneliness was overwhelming. She watched the decreasing floor numbers. Minjoo, who was heading back to her mother, turned toward the stairs. She ran down them. Even when she reached the first floor, she kept running. She went outside to the parking lot, but Gihyun’s car had already slid away.

Watching the diminishing silhouette of the car, Minjoo gasped for breath.

She recalled the look in Gihyun’s eyes while he stood in the elevator. It felt like he was waiting for some kind of answer.

What should she have said? Should she have said she would try?

Was it because of unresolved feelings from the past that even the easiest words wouldn’t come out?

Her mind was filled with thoughts of Gihyun. Minjoo, who had been standing there, turned her body and went back to her mother.

***

The compatibility test results were out. The gist was that a kidney transplant was possible. Unlike Minjoo, who couldn’t stabilize her emotions, Gihyun calmly scheduled the surgery date.

There were promises they had made to each other, so instead of thanking him, Minjoo just shoved vitamins and folic acid into her mouth. As she drank water, her mother spoke to her.

“Minjoo, do you want to go rest somewhere?”

“I’m fine. I’ll stay here.”

“You haven’t rested properly until now. You should rest a little.”

“Staying here is resting.”

The caregiver, who had been watching, chimed in.

“Minjoo, go rest today. Even though it’s a private room, it’s not easy to sleep on the auxiliary bed.”

“I’m really okay.”

“You’ll end up collapsing. Sometimes you need to take a break. I haven’t said anything because it’s convenient for me, but it’s really not okay. Don’t you see how your boyfriend is anxiously watching you?”

“……”

“Sleep at home and come back recharged. I’ll stay by your mother’s side. I’ve been doing this for over 15 years. Even after the transplant, when you have to go back and forth to the hospital, the people around you need to stay strong.”

Her health had been poor all along. She had been holding on by the hope that her mother had regained consciousness. Minjoo looked at her mother. Her mother smiled quietly at Minjoo. The insistence to rest finally struck a chord. Minjoo brushed her mother’s disheveled hair with her hand and grabbed her jumper.

“Mom, I’ll come early tomorrow morning.”

“Okay. Do that.”

“Don’t worry about me, and rest well. Please take good care of my mother.”

“Of course, go and come back.”

“Thank you.”

After saying goodbye to the caregiver, Minjoo put on her jumper and went outside. It was still cold. Gihyun had already come and gone in the morning, so he wouldn’t be coming today. She headed straight to the bus stop. She thought of telling Gihyun her destination but decided against it.

When she got off the rattling bus, she found the familiar market. Amid the bustling atmosphere, Minjoo headed to the 3rd-floor single room where she had lived with her mother. When she opened the door, the empty room greeted her.

She took off her jumper and looked around. It was a house she wouldn’t return to even if her mother got better. She was really going to clear everything out. While rummaging through boxes to see if there was anything to throw away, she found an old item.

It was an old model cell phone. It was one Minjoo had used when she was in college. There was a charger with it. Curious, she plugged in the cord and turned it on.

The interface now looked unfamiliar. She touched various parts of it. Photos appeared. She reviewed them.

Occasionally there were other photos mixed in, but mostly they were pictures of Gihyun. Pictures of him sleeping on his stomach, reading a book from the side, walking away. The Gihyun from when she was a college student still had a youthful appearance, but he looked more sensitive than now.

There were no pictures of him looking directly at the camera. There were no pictures of them together. She had wanted to take pictures together, but Gihyun had shown dislike for it. Back then, even the word unrequited love felt embarrassing. It was a time closer to one-sided affection.

She had always taken pictures of Gihyun. No matter how she took the picture, he always looked handsome, and Gihyun hadn’t really stopped her from taking pictures. Although he hadn’t taken pictures of her. Still, she had kept the pictures of him.

She had thought she wanted to watch the latest movie with him, go to new restaurants together, and when she heard a song, she made sure to remember the title. She wanted to share good things with him. She remembered the feelings of wanting to share everything.

As she was immersed in these memories, her current phone rang. She quickly answered when she saw it was Gihyun calling.

– Where are you?

“I’m at home.”

– I heard from the caregiver. They said you haven’t come home.

“At the old house.”

– Why there?

“I’m organizing things. I’m planning to move everything out.”

– I’ll come over.

“There isn’t much.”

– It seems like you’ve been there for a long time for not much.

Worried about misunderstandings, Minjoo answered truthfully.

“I found an old phone and was looking through it.”

– Phone?

“It’s one I used in college. I found your pictures and was looking at them.”

– …My pictures?

“I didn’t take selfies. There weren’t many.”

– …That’s a pity.

It sounded sincere. Gihyun ended the call with a promise to come pick her up. Minjoo looked at the photos again.

If her mother recovered from the transplant, would she want to take pictures of Gihyun again?

Would the warmth in her heart rise again, or would things finally become the same?

Feeling the weight of the word ‘again,’ she turned off the old phone.

Minjoo’s phone rang again. This time it was an unknown number, not Gihyun. After waiting for a while, she answered, and Hyekyung’s voice was on the line.

– Cha Minjoo, where are you?

“I’m at home, why…. Didn’t you call on the phone?”

– It’s the hospital’s call. Hurry up and come.

“…Why? What happened?”

A sense of foreboding hit her. Hyekyung spoke heavily.

– …It seems like she went into shock suddenly.

The heavy voice didn’t continue with the next words. Minjoo couldn’t believe it. She stood still, repeating Hyekyung’s words in her mind. It felt like the ground was collapsing beneath her.

She barely managed to catch a taxi in a near-panic. As soon as she arrived at the hospital, she ran inside. She headed toward the familiar hospital room. The caregiver standing outside the door looked flustered seeing Minjoo. Unable to say more, Minjoo went in.

The nurse and the attending physician were performing CPR. Her mother, lying on the bed, had her eyes closed, surrendering her body. She looked no different from usual, but the fact that she was no longer breathing was incomprehensible.

“Mom….”

She called out, but her mother didn’t open her eyes. It was not that she was unconscious; it was the fact that there was no hope left that was unbelievable. Her chest and abdomen felt like they were being squeezed.

She heard someone saying that the guardian had to make a decision. Among the voices blending together, Gihyun, who had arrived in the meantime, was also present. He shouted to save her, to do something. Why did the cardiac arrest happen suddenly? He yelled in Minjoo’s place.

Tears welled up. They asked Minjoo’s wishes once again. Her mother lying on the bed seemed to be struggling. Unknowingly, Minjoo just nodded her head.

“Bae Ok-im, deceased at 18:23. Thank you for your hard work.”

The doctor’s voice delivering the death pronouncement was heard. It felt like the bottom was dropping out. Minjoo sank to the floor. Gihyun came to support Minjoo, who was collapsing.

All the hope she had been holding onto until now crumbled. For a moment, she felt overwhelmed by guilt for not being able to be present at the moment of death.

“Cha Minjoo!”

At Gihyun’s voice, Minjoo regained a little sense of reality. Gihyun looked pale, staring down at Minjoo. She barely managed to look down. There was a grayish stain on her gray pants. The bloodstains had spread all around.

She bled as if she had a miscarriage.

Even though she couldn’t possibly have been pregnant.