1. I Returned to Ten Years Ago

“You…… You, how far are you going to humiliate me?”

With lips tightly pressed together to hold back tears, Vivian barely managed to ask the angelically beautiful man who had just proposed marriage to her.

In response to her question, the man let his beautiful silver hair cascade down as he smiled—somewhat troubled, yet gently.

“What are you saying, Vivian? I’m not trying to humiliate you; I’m trying to save you.”

“Liar…… you, you demon!”

At last, heavy teardrops fell from Vivian’s eyes.

The man standing opposite her remained composed despite being called a demon and seeing her tears. He tried to soothe her with a calm voice.

“Vivian, you’re just in a difficult situation right now. Once you calm down, you’ll realize there’s no reason to be so angry.”

Despite his consolation, Vivian showed no sign of softening. With fists trembling in rage, she slowly backed away. But soon she reached the edge of the balcony railing and could retreat no further.

Looking down at the distant ground below the railing and then turning back with a face full of despair, Vivian heard the man whisper again in a gentle voice.

“Vivian. I understand this is hard for you. But you’re an intelligent person, so I’m sure you can overcome this. Come, please come over here.”

But his words only made Vivian’s eyes narrow fiercely.

“Understand? You understand me? What do you understand? What do you know! No matter how desperately I tried, I could never escape being second. No matter how hard I worked, I never received the kind of love that you do. As if everything exists just for you, I…… I really tried, but nothing……”

She clenched her teeth, trying to hold back her tears, but there was no way to stop them from flowing.

This made Vivian even angrier and more unbearable. For this demon to claim he understood her was a cruel mockery and deception.

“How can you say you understand me when you have everything? You, even if you died, you could never understand me! And now you want to take over my family too? Ha! Who…… who would stand by and watch that happen? I’d rather throw it all away than let you take it!”

Vivian screamed, spraying tears. The man watched her covering her face with both hands and sobbing, sighing with regret.

But after crying loudly for a while, she suddenly stopped and slowly lowered her hands from her face. Her expression had become unreadable.

The change was so dramatic that even the man standing opposite hesitated, wondering if she had finally lost her mind.

But soon realizing what she intended to do, he gasped and rushed toward her.

This time, however, Vivian was faster. Her body, escaping his outstretched hand by a hair’s breadth, plummeted toward the marble floor three stories below.

It was the first and last moment when Vivian Raine, the eternal second-place to the brilliantly shining Luciel Evanhart, ever bested him.

Mourning her brief life filled with bitterness and regret, Vivian closed her eyes. Just before her small body was about to shatter against the smooth white marble, her consciousness was engulfed in darkness.

⁕⁕⁕

“Vivian, Vivian!”

Someone shook Vivian’s shoulders to wake her.

As her consciousness, immersed in darkness, moved toward the light, what she felt was ‘annoyance.’ Even though her head must have cracked on the stone floor, she hadn’t died…… She resented her unnecessarily long lifeline.

“Vivian! Oh dear…… You must have stayed up all night again. You’ll ruin your health this way.”

Vivian opened her drowsy eyes and felt puzzled by the voice she had just heard. That voice was very similar to her mother Selena’s—the only person who had always worried about her, her only ally.

‘I must really be dead. Mother must have come to welcome me.’

A faint smile formed on her lips.

“Mo……ther.”

Vivian’s father was an ordinary nobleman. He believed that girls should cultivate their appearance and learn a lady’s refinements to marry into a good family, and he disapproved of Vivian’s obsession with Academy classes.

But her mother stood by her side, shielding her from such a father, and warmly comforted her whenever she was upset about falling behind Luciel.

Thanks to such a mother, Vivian had been able to grow up without becoming twisted despite her bitter struggles.

“Mother? Our Vivian must still be half-asleep. A grown young lady calling me ‘mother,’ really.”

Though the words scolded her childish speech, the voice was full of affection. Vivian’s eyes suddenly opened wide to see her mother, dressed in a faded navy cotton dress, gently shaking her shoulders.

It really was her deceased mother!

Overwhelmed with joy, Vivian couldn’t take her eyes off her as she slowly raised her head.

“Mother……? Mother!”

Selena looked down in surprise at her daughter who had awakened from sleep only to throw her arms around her and burst into tears. It was extremely rare for Vivian—strong-willed and hating to lose—to show tears.

“Our Vivi…… Did you have a scary dream?”

Selena patted Vivian’s back gently with an affectionate voice.

‘It was a scary dream. A life where I lived forever in second place, lost everything to Luciel Evanhart, and chose death myself……’

Vivian nodded, soaking Selena’s dress with tears. Selena stroked her daughter’s hair, then separated herself and met Vivian’s wet eyes as she reasoned with her.

“This is what happens when you push your body too hard—you have nightmares. There are still many exams left. Oh my…… Look how thin your cheeks have gotten. Vivi, why don’t you rest properly today? Hmm? Health is most important.”

Selena was distressed to see her daughter’s once peach-pink cheeks grow gaunt in just a few days, but Vivian wasn’t listening to her mother’s words. She simply thought she was in heaven.

How remarkably real her mother appeared……

After her mother passed away, she had fallen asleep every night missing her, but couldn’t see her mother even in dreams. How she had longed for her as memories of her mother faded day by day.

“Yes, I will. I’ll rest well today!”

Vivian smiled broadly. This actually startled Selena, who had been recommending rest. Her daughter would study fiercely even during vacations, just as during the school term. No matter how much she coaxed and pleaded, no matter how angrily her husband scolded, Vivian never abandoned her studies.

Once, her husband confiscated all the oil lamps and candles in Vivian’s room. When Selena checked on Vivian just in case, she discovered her studying on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket, holding her book up to the moonlight.

For such a daughter to declare on her own that she would rest was unprecedented since her admission to the Academy.

“Vivian! That’s a wonderful decision. Yes, you need rest to study well too. Now, don’t just say it—close your books and get up. No sitting at your desk today, absolutely not!”

Seeing Selena’s delighted face, Vivian felt a tightness in her chest.

‘Mother was worried about me that much. Why didn’t I realize it then? I even got irritated with her sometimes, saying she didn’t understand anything…… Mother, I’m sorry……’

Vivian wiped her eyes as they grew hot again and left her desk.

‘I must have come to heaven and am seeing only the happiest times of my life.’ Vivian rejoiced, but as time passed, she began to feel something was strange.

‘Do you still sleep when you’re dead?’

This thought occurred to her right after waking from a deep sleep, having put on soft pajamas and gone to bed as her mother instructed. Moreover, her body felt refreshed after sleeping, just like when she was alive.

The slight pain in her right hand and shoulder, which she usually overworked turning pages and gripping pens, was exactly the same too. It was frighteningly identical to being alive.

‘Plus, I need to use the bathroom now, and I’m hungry. I thought you wouldn’t feel these things in heaven after death…… If it’s like this, what’s the difference from being alive?’

With a puzzled expression, Vivian went to the bathroom, relieved herself, and had a maid prepare bath water. The sensation of washing in warm water and the feeling of fullness after eating the prepared food were exactly like when she was alive.

‘Where is Naren? Can I just stay like this? I wish an angel would come and explain heaven to me…… It’s getting frustrating.’

Vivian tilted her head as she sat in a chair on the balcony, basking in the afternoon sun.

The air, turning crisp as autumn ended, was pleasantly earthy with the smell of burning leaves, and the metallic sound of knights’ swords clashing in the training yard occasionally stimulated her ears. Everything was exactly like the past mansion she remembered. Just then, a maid called for Vivian. It was Mia, her former maid whom they had to let go long ago.

“Oh? Mia?”

She was so delighted that her body sprang up like a coiled spring. Mia actually took a step back at Vivian’s reaction, startled.

“Yes? Yes…… my name is…… Mia. Why are you suddenly acting like this?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Um… wh-what is it?”

“The Count is looking for you.”

“Oh? Really? I understand.”

Though Vivian had always found her father difficult, she was overjoyed at the thought of meeting her father in this afterlife.