3.6

Ellen gazed at the face of the man sleeping quietly beside her, gently stroking his soft hair.  

Just moments ago, she had felt as though they were growing closer, but now it felt as though they had drifted apart again. Even though her hand was touching him, there was a palpable sense of distance. The blissful moments felt like grains of sand, slipping through her fingers the moment she tried to grasp them.  

She withdrew her hand from his hair and tightly shut her eyes.  

She would not cry. Crying would only make her feel more pathetic.  

What was there to be sad about when she had gotten what she wanted? She had to smile instead. Ellen forced herself to form a faint smile for Leon.  

But the moment she realized that their bodies had intertwined, yet their hearts had not, she couldn’t help but feel hurt. Ellen squeezed her eyes shut once more, trying her best to keep the tears from falling.  

“Am I really that undesirable to you?”  

After barely holding back her tears, she spoke to the man sleeping soundly beside her. She knew her voice wouldn’t reach him, but it was a question she had always wanted to ask.  

However, saying aloud what she had never dared to voice before only made her feel worse. For some reason, it made her feel even more wretched.  

How unattractive must I be to be rejected by the same man three times… 

Ellen immediately rose from the bed. Her body felt heavy, but being in the same space as Leon felt more unbearable than the effort it took to stand, so she forced herself upright.  

She grabbed a towel that had fallen to the floor and loosely wrapped it around her body before heading to the bathroom. There, she carefully washed away the sweat and other traces left on her body.  

She deliberately used cold water to clear her head. In the silence of the empty bathroom, only the lonely sound of running water echoed.  

I’m fine. I’m fine, so there’s no need to feel hurt.  

Ellen closed her eyes tightly, convincing herself over and over that everything that had just happened was a dream. She reassured herself so many times that she began to believe it.  

Yes. That’s enough.  

It was now time to wake up from the sweet dream and face reality.  

* * *

When Leon woke up, he was alone in the bed. Realizing he was alone, he shot up from the bed.  

Even though he was covered by the blanket, the traces of last night’s intimacy were still evident on his body.  

“D*mn it!”  

Having been exhausted from both a bath and intimacy, he had been completely drained of energy. Falling asleep in that state meant he didn’t remember everything clearly, but fragments of the night came back to him.  

The things he had thought were dreams were real. He had taken the purity of the woman he had vowed to protect, all because he had given in to pleasure and abandoned his principles.  

The weight of those significant events remained etched in his memory.  

He lowered his head and covered his face with both hands.  

“Where did it all go wrong?”  

The fact that it had started in the bathroom, that he had told her they should break up but hadn’t ended things properly before taking her, those were the things that weighed most heavily on his mind.  

He hadn’t considered her feelings enough.  

He should have embraced her in a more comfortable place, not in the bathroom. Although he had eventually moved to the bed, the fact that their first time had been in the bathroom didn’t change.  

And the order of things had been wrong. They should have shared intimacy while still in a relationship, not after breaking up.  

If he had known this would happen, he wouldn’t have told her they should break up. No, he shouldn’t have rejected her from the start.  

It had been him who rejected the woman who had bravely approached him. And yet, using the excuse of a dream, he had taken her.  

“You idiot.”  

Once again, he found himself cursing himself after making a mistake. He had lost count of how many times this had happened.  

Leon didn’t know why Ellen was at the Guilford residence, or why she had entered the bathroom he was using, but regardless, he placed all the blame on himself.  

No, it was his fault. After all, he had unintentionally taken Ellen’s purity.  

Have I become someone like Logan? Why, of all people…?  

What angered him most was the fact that he had embraced her while half-asleep and, even after waking up, had continued to indulge his desires.  

Self-control? What self-control? The prayers he had offered to God had been utterly meaningless.  

He should have stopped, as Ellen had begged him to. At the very least, he should have done things properly in the bed. But he hadn’t.  

Overwhelmed by his desires, he had created the worst possible situation.  

It had been Leon who had tempted Ellen when she suggested they talk later. So now, he had to take responsibility. He had maintained his distance from her for fear of this very situation, but now there was no turning back.  

Others might brush this off as no big deal, but Leon couldn’t. He didn’t want to become like Logan, so he had to take responsibility for taking her purity.  

And there was only one way to take responsibility: to marry Ellen. It wouldn’t be a marriage born of love, but one born of duty and obligation.  

Leon hadn’t been thinking of marrying anyone anytime soon. But now, the situation had changed. Whether love was involved or not was no longer important. What mattered was taking responsibility for his mistake.  

Of course, duty wasn’t the only reason for his decision.  

The blissful moments they had shared proved that they were physically compatible, and since Ellen liked him, he figured they could have a decent married life.  

Leon didn’t think Ellen would refuse his proposal. He expected her to accept it with joy.  

Imagining her accepting his proposal brought a satisfied smile to his face, a smile that lingered until Mia burst into his room with a look of shock.  

* * *

At the same time.  

Ellen was sitting on a bench in the square. It was too early to return to the Courtney residence, as she feared everyone would worry if she arrived so early, so she stopped by the square instead.  

If she saw Donna’s face now, she felt as though the tears she had been holding back would come pouring out.  

As soon as she finished washing, she left a letter for Mia and left the Guilford residence. She had fled, unable to face Leon directly.  

The first thing she did upon leaving was to buy contraceptives from a shop that had opened early. She wanted to prevent any potential consequences.  

She also didn’t want to hold Leon back.  

Ellen sat on an empty bench in the square, taking deep breaths of the cool morning air to organize her thoughts. She needed to wake up from the brief happiness of her dream and face reality.  

Her one-sided love had lasted two years, but the time she had actually spent with Leon was less than a month.  

That short period felt as though it had brought more emotional turmoil than the entire 21 years of her life.  

All because of one man.  

Because of him, Ellen had experienced happiness, sadness, ecstasy, and despair. His attitude and feelings had remained unchanged from the beginning, but it was only her heart that had wavered.  

“Unrequited love is truly exhausting.” 

Ellen murmured softly.  

She realized now that the deeper her love grew, the more painful it could become. She had tried to endure her disappointment, but now it felt unbearable.  

She had done her best. She had hoped that even half of her effort might reach his heart, but… it hadn’t.  

Effort and love, it seemed, had no correlation.