The truth was, there were still questions I hadn’t gotten answers to. Where had he first seen me? Why did he attend the performances of the orchestra I had joined? Why did he secretly try to support me, even going so far as to put me on the same stage as his fiancée?

To be honest, I was still curious. But now I felt that I wasn’t supposed to know the answers. My heart wasn’t big or generous enough – it was already overburdened with the resentment I had to repay.

There was no room for anything else. I didn’t want him to understand. I just couldn’t bear the weight of those feelings.

It was then, while I stood frozen for a while, that Lee Seol-won suddenly let out a small, hollow laugh.

“Don’t waver…”

He slowly repeated my words.

“If you’re going to say that now, you should have taken your gayageum and gone on stage at the traditional music festival. That way, you and I could have maintained the proper distance between performer and audience – no more, no less.”

He took a step closer.

I took a deep breath.

I knew well enough that Lee Seol-won wasn’t the kind of man who would put me in danger. And yet, whenever he closed the distance between us, I couldn’t help but shrink back, gripped by a strange feeling of tension.

Instinctively looking for a place to retreat, I ended up hitting the back of the sofa with a soft thud.

He stopped abruptly in mid-step.

I measured with my eyes the short distance – just a few steps – that now stood between us.

“You keep pushing me, Hyun Seo-hae.”

His deep voice rang in my ears.

“Do you realize that? I never wanted you to leave the stage. You were the first to step down. You came to me willingly. I wasn’t the one who was shaken – you were the one who made me tremble. And now you’re telling me not to tremble? Isn’t that unfair?”

***

“No, Seo-hae! What is this? What happened to your hand? And your leg – what the hell happened?”

“I’m sorry. There was a sudden accident and now my hand and leg are like this. I wanted to finish things well by the end of this year, but since I keep causing trouble for the orchestra, I thought I should just tell you early.”

I submitted my resignation to the orchestra. With torn ligaments, a taped hand, and a limp in my leg, I couldn’t possibly stand in front of an audience. The early retirement hurt more than I expected, but what could I do? I could only console myself with the thought that the day I was supposed to leave had simply come a little earlier than planned.

“How about taking some time off and then coming back?”

“You already made that kind of arrangement for me once. And… I think I really need to rest for a while.”

Even if I wanted to come back, I probably couldn’t. After today, the Hyun Seo-hae they knew would no longer be the same person.

It was a holiday, but many of the orchestra members were in the rehearsal room. Thanks to that, I was at least able to avoid the misfortune of leaving for the night without saying goodbye to a single face.

My colleagues couldn’t hide their sympathy for me, who had to cancel once because of a family funeral and twice because of injuries.

“That’s right, Seo-hae. You looked so tired – your face was half its usual self. And the end of the year is the busiest time for performances. When you run hard, there are times when you need to take a break. Get plenty of rest until you get your health back. If you ever feel like coming back, contact us… Even if it’s not here, I can recommend you somewhere else.”

“We should at least have a farewell party, but with your arm and leg like that, it’d be hard to drink or go anywhere.”

“Oh no, I didn’t even get to finish things properly. A farewell party would be too much.”

“Still, we’ve shared too many memories to just let you go. You know we always have a New Year’s gathering, right? As soon as we decide on a place and date, we’ll let you know-so be sure to come.”

With just one or two connections, everyone was connected – former students and classmates from art schools, high schools, and colleges, all connected by common acquaintances. And because we had spent a long time together in a newly formed orchestra, many of my colleagues had become close to me.

I promised to attend the New Year’s reunion, and even after that, it took me quite a while to say goodbye to everyone one by one before I finally began to collect my gayageums.

“Seo-hae, how will you carry this if you are injured? You won’t be able to practice for a while anyway. Just come to the training room and get it later when you’re feeling better. You know the passcode, right? We won’t change it.”

“Seo-hae is kind of a couch potato, so we’ll have to hold her Gayageum hostage. That way, when she comes to get it, we can at least have a meal together.”

Unable to resist the playful teasing of my colleagues, I reluctantly put down the Gayageum and had it practically taken from me.

My original plan was to call a taxi, drop the gayageum off at the villa, and then return to the hotel – but now that I couldn’t take the largest piece of luggage with me, that plan disappeared.

I thought about stopping by the house, but decided against it. There wasn’t really anything I needed to pick up. Yesterday morning, he had sent an employee to deliver necessities, clothes, shoes, and other items. According to the clerk, they had been able to check my purchase history at the department store to find out my sizes. They even removed all the packaging and hung the clothes neatly in the closet so I couldn’t return them.

Staying in a hotel was certainly convenient. Whenever I showed up in the lobby, the staff always asked if I needed any help and kept an eye out to make sure I wasn’t inconvenienced in any way. Such courtesy would have been hard to come by in the villa, where I had to climb stairs every time I went out, or in the tiny goshiwon room, which was barely big enough to lie down in.

Even while I was staying at the hotel he had arranged, wearing the clothes he had bought, and comfortably eating the meals he had no doubt hired someone to prepare in advance, Lee Seol-won and I barely exchanged messages.

— “Do you know that? I never wanted you to step down from the stage. The one who stepped down first—was you. You showed up in front of me on your own. I wasn’t the one shaken—you were the one who shook me. And now you’re telling me not to waver? Isn’t that unfair?”

He said he wanted me to exist on stage as an artist. Was the off-stage version of me some kind of natural disaster for him?

I took a taxi back to the hotel. I had just been in an accident the day I checked in, so I hadn’t had a chance to look around. But now, the large Christmas tree in the lobby and the glittering decorations added an extra layer of excitement to the usual holiday cheer.

When had time gone by so quickly?

It felt strange. My world still seemed frozen in the beginning of winter…

“Is there anything I can help you with?”

A staff member approached with a kind smile, having noticed me standing there in a daze.

“No, I’m fine. Thank you.”

I quickly made my way to the elevator.

Come to think of it, Christmas was already next week. I suddenly remembered that I had heard that Heo Yeonseo would be appearing on a recorded talk show around that time.

I quickly checked the schedule. Wednesday, 8 p.m. That was tomorrow night. I set a reminder.

I couldn’t explain why, even to myself, but I felt it would be better if I watched the show.

To see Lee Seol-won and Heo Yeonseo – to see with my own eyes how solid their commitment was… maybe then I could finally feel at ease.

And maybe I could pull myself together.

So that I could leave nothing behind. Not even a trace.

But the talk show I had been waiting for – setting the alarm and watching in anticipation – was not what I had expected.

“What is this show?”

On the talk show, Heo Yeonseo didn’t mention Lee Seol-won even once.

—”They said that they also reached out to Hani’s side for a joint appearance, but it fell through because Heo Yeonseo already had a solo schedule for the talk show.”

Apparently, she’ll be talking about her engagement for the first time on the show. The air date is set for the week before Christmas.

Doesn’t it seem like they really thought about the timing? Everyone’s out and about with plans around New Year’s, so they’re aiming for both high ratings and a romantic mood by airing it right before Christmas.

I was sure that I had heard that the talk show would be about the engagement of Lee Seol-won and Heo Yeonseo…

Besides, the show didn’t flow smoothly at all. The conversation felt choppy, as if parts had been cut out, and the camera lingered awkwardly – sometimes showing Heo Yeonseo’s face far too close, or focusing on the host’s expression for an unusually long time, even though Heo Yeonseo, sitting right next to them, was giving a long answer.

I watched until the end, but the talk show only covered Heo Yeonseo’s background and her future plans. That was it.

After I turned off the TV, I sat still and tried to make sense of the confusion in my head.

What had happened?

Had they… called off the engagement by now?

But it had only been a few days… No. It was too early to draw any conclusions.

Since neither of them came from an ordinary background, they might have decided at the last minute that it wasn’t a good idea to share personal details on the air, causing a sudden change in the editorial direction of the show.

But the thoughts I had begun to wrestle with on my own didn’t last long.

“Hello. You know who I am, right?”

That was because Heo Yeonseo had appeared right in front of me – in person.