It was around the time when the long winter had finally ended and the warm spring was beginning that I received a call from the landlady of the villa I used to rent.

“A letter arrived for you, miss. I was going to just return it, but I decided to call because it’s a handwritten letter. Not many people send handwritten letters these days, you know.”

Although the place had been left in a terrible state by those people, he had restored it to the point of almost rebuilding it, so I was able to get my full deposit back without any problems, and even restore the previous trust I had with the landlady.

Surprised by the unexpected news she shared, I asked again, confused.

“A handwritten letter? There’s no one who would send me a letter… Who is it from?”

“Let’s see… the sender’s name is written as Hyun Eun-sae.”

“What? Hyun Eun-sae?”

That same day, I rushed over to pick up the letter.

It had been sent from Busan-a place that had nothing to do with either of us-so I tilted my head in confusion as I opened the envelope.

And then I collapsed on the spot.

It was a s*icide note.

One she had left for me.

“Seo-hae, unni.”

At the top of the letter, in her familiar handwriting, was my name.

You must have been really surprised, huh?

I’m writing this letter while sitting in front of a ‘slow mailbox’. If you send a letter from here, it might take three months, six months, or even a year to reach its destination. Isn’t that fascinating?

I thought a year would be too long, so I chose the three-month option – but I’m really curious to see if this letter will reach you safely.

And the first thing I’d like to say to you, the recipient of this letter, is this:

Seo-hae, unni. I’m sorry.

The day you left for your performance in the provinces, I impulsively bought a one-way ticket to Busan.

I don’t even know why it was Busan. Maybe it’s because I heard someone mention that it was the farthest place from Seoul. Or maybe out of all the names on the map, it was the one I had heard the most, so it felt familiar.

You know, we always believed without question that “I am you and you are me.” That belief was what kept us connected, what made us one-it was our source of strength.

But somewhere along the way, I think that same belief led me into a foolish delusion. I convinced myself that it was okay for me to love him instead of you. That since we were the same, no one would get hurt.

And that’s when I became more stubborn. If we were the same, why did he like you and not me?

Pretty stupid, right?

When I think about it now… I feel so ashamed.

That man saw you and me as two completely different people from the beginning. He never thought that we were the same.

To me, all gayageum melodies sound the same, but he could always recognize yours as something unique.

He said your voice was clearer than mine, deep and beautiful, like the sea.

And to be honest… while I was jealous of you for captivating him, I was also jealous of Seol-won. Because he could see a “different side” of you that I couldn’t see myself.

The person I had feelings for didn’t care about me, but appreciated you – who looked just like me – in a way that felt so special.

And knowing that even I thought that you and Seol-won were a great match… I don’t know why it was so hard for me to accept at the time.

After I came to this country, the two people I loved the most started to grow closer to each other in a way that didn’t include me.

And that thought made me feel so lonely, like I was being left behind.

It felt like I was losing you.

I know it probably sounds silly and childish, but that’s really how I felt at the time.

Why not me? Why couldn’t it be me?

So immature, right? I’m thinking about it now.

After all, I guess I got my own kind of punishment… So please don’t hate me too much.

Unni, these days… I don’t really know what love is anymore.

And I understand even less now what kind of things are justified in the name of love.

This is not the love I know – right now I’m being loved in a way I never wanted to be loved.

It’s scary, it’s horrible.

But the worst part is… I don’t really see a way out. And that’s what makes it feel even more hopeless.

Now that I think about it… maybe I committed some kind of violence with my one-sided feelings towards you and Seol-won.

Unni, I’m not looking forward to tomorrow anymore.

It feels like it would be okay if tomorrow never came.

That’s why I’ve made a decision – one that I know will make you very sad. I’m sorry for that.

Still… I’m glad Seol-won is here.

I’ve only been able to hide you, but he’s someone who actually has the power to protect you.

It may sound strange coming from me, but… you can trust Seol-won.

Thanks to him, I think I can be a little less afraid for you.

I feel at peace.

Writing this letter now feels a little awkward, but I’m sure you and Seol-won will make a great couple. I was just someone who liked him based on my own feelings, and whether Seol-won liked me or not was his choice.

I did my best and tried to chase after him, so I have no regrets.

I’m adding a word of advice, not out of concern for myself, but because I’m worried that you might give up a good man because of me.

I’m saying this now, but the most important thing is that Seol-won likes you first, and I suddenly stepped in the middle.

This is a little off topic, but when I first saw the word “old woman’s sorrow,” I thought it meant an old woman’s heart. I thought it was a heart that has become wiser over the years, like a more mature heart of someone who has experienced a lot. But actually it means sorrow. But this time I think it’s okay to interpret it as the heart of an adult, don’t you?

Don’t you think that today I am the older sister more than you?

So I’ll call you for the last time.

Seo-hae. Not Eun-sae unni, just Seo-hae. Hyun Seo-hae. Live happily.

Don’t live as half of Hyun Eun-sae, don’t carry the shadow of Eun-sae anymore and live your life fully as Hyun Seo-hae. We are different people.

Eun-sae.

I closed the letter and whispered her name softly. Until the end, she left this world worrying only about me.

What is love that you had to endure such painful times?

I still don’t agree with Eun-sae’s choice. But because of her sacrifice, I was able to avoid falling into the same trap. I had no right to judge Eun-sae’s heart.

I understand now. We were different people. I, too, had judged Eun-sae according to my own narrow standards.

After I was released from the hospital, I still didn’t know where to go, so I stayed at Lee Seol-won’s house aimlessly. The reason? I was undergoing psychological counseling, and since the trials of those men were coming up, I was advised to take more time to rest.

Since the day I moved here, he had stopped staying late at the office. He would bring home any leftover work, but he always left on time.

Today, after he finished his work, he left the office right on time. As soon as I heard the door open, I grabbed the letter and rushed to the living room.

“Seol-won, look! Do you know what I received today? What is it?”

When he came back from work, he was holding a familiar bag. As soon as I saw its long rectangular shape, I knew what it was.

It was my Sanjo Gayageum, the one I thought I had lost forever in the mansion.

“Why is this in your hands, Seol-won?”

He opened the bag and took out the Gayageum. To my surprise, it was perfectly restored, with all signs of damage completely gone.

“How did you fix it?”

I asked in astonishment.

It must have taken a lot of effort, and I thought it would have been easier to just buy a new one, but Seol-won replied calmly, without showing off his work.

“I had to fix it somehow. It’s your Gayageum.”

Still stunned and speechless, he spoke again.

“Make sure the sound is okay, too.”

“Oh, right.”

I quickly sat down on the floor and placed the gayageum on my thigh. As I tightened the strings and moved my fingers to tune the notes one by one, he watched me without blinking.

“Good. It hasn’t changed.”

Before I could speak, he spoke first.

“Did you see it again?”

“Yes, I saw spring.”

He smiled with a calm and gentle expression. He was probably admiring the pink petals fluttering around me.

“Still beautiful. Just like I remember you.”

“Really?”

I adjusted my posture more seriously and placed both hands on the strings.

“To celebrate the revival of the Gayageum, let me play another piece for you. Do you have a song request?”

“A Christmas carol.”

It was the answer I was expecting. Christmas was long gone. But I played the memories of winter with the melody of spring. The timeless notes rang out, shining brightly.

And at that moment, impulsively, but without doubt or falsehood, I made my decision.

“Seol-won.”

“Yes?”

“I’m thinking of starting over in Korea. First, I’ll try to contact the Geommuhun. I’m not sure if they’ll take me back, but if not, I’ll find a new orchestra. Whatever.

As Eun-sae told me, I will live the rest of my life as Hyun Seo-hae. With the person who sees me as I really am, loving and being loved, living happily and doing what I want for a long time. Will you help me?”

“Of course.”

His answer came without hesitation, without a second of doubt.

“I will create a stage for you for the rest of your life. I exist for this purpose.”

“Seol-won, please be my audience for the rest of my life. That is why I am an artist.”

He was the man who had been looking for my stage for so long. And finally, I had found the place where I belonged, the reason, and the person.

Could there be a more perfect ending?

I will continue to live here with him.

No matter how cold Seol-won can be, I’m okay with that. This place will be warmer to me than any other.

***THE END***