Chapter 6

How nice it would be to return to the past when nothing was wrong. If she hadn’t stolen that boy’s time, if she hadn’t insisted on taking Vel that day, maybe things would have turned out better than they had now.

It was all her fault. Lethargy consumed her body, sinking her slowly into the depths.

It happened often. Whenever she thought of the past, Rabiana could never shake off the gloom.

If only Lawrence were here, she might have confided in him. Rabiana still needed him.

Even now, after coming all this way, she was still clinging to Lawrence… She was sick of her own weakness.

“My Lady, are you awake?”

Just then, a cheerful voice came from outside the door. It was a voice that pulled Rabiana back to reality. She staggered to sit up with her heavy body, only to groan from the searing pain in her back.

Why does it hurt so much…?

Rabiana had only vaguely heard about what happened in bed, but she hadn’t known it would leave her body feeling like it was broken.

“May I come in?”

The voice came again—steady in tone, though slow. Rabiana, suddenly flustered, straightened her upper body.

“C-come in….”

She rubbed her neck awkwardly and replied timidly. She knew she should speak down to a servant, but having met no one but Lawrence for the past ten years, it was difficult for her.

She heard the door open and someone enter. The sound drew closer, then stopped in front of her. All she could make out was a shape—smaller and more delicate than Alberto’s figure, standing before her.

“Pleased to meet you, My Lady. I’m Julia Miller. You can call me Mrs. Miller or just Julia, whichever you prefer.”

“Yes..”

“Please speak casually with me from now on. That’s more comfortable for me.”

It was the voice of the head maid she had heard yesterday. Rabiana gave a slight nod. Everything still felt unfamiliar. In truth, Rabiana found it easier to use honorifics with everyone.

She, who could do nothing, had no right to lord over others. Even at Lawrence’s estate, Rabiana had been a troublesome burden. She was not someone worthy of respect.

She didn’t want people to speak ill of her behind her back. But if she failed to behave properly here too, others might treat her strangely. It was a distant memory now, but still—she was a noble, after all.

She had to behave according to her position.

“May I help you change? You’ll need to eat after your bath.”

“Ah… yes, no—uhm.”

In truth, Rabiana felt uncomfortable around her. Even on the first day of the marriage, they had helped her bathe.

But for someone who couldn’t see, being washed by strangers was terrifying. She had simply been too tired and worn out to show it. It hadn’t been a welcome experience.

Even if she didn’t like it, she was in no position to refuse help.

With Julia’s support, Rabiana barely made it to the bathroom. Her body, still unaccustomed to the pain from the night before, screamed with every step she took.

As she managed to shuffle forward, Rabiana’s balance faltered. Julia held her firmly, letting out a small laugh as if familiar with the situation.

“It seems everyone gets body aches after the first night. It’s even worse after childbirth. But since I’ve been married and had children myself, I think I’ll be able to help you a lot, My Lady.” She was cheerful and bright. Meeting someone with such a different energy from her own gloomy and joyless self left Rabiana feeling oddly deflated.

As the chemise she wore was taken off, Julia’s approaching hand suddenly stopped—around her waist.

“My Lady, here…”

She knew why. Rabiana ran her hand over her waist, recalling the night before.

Alberto had reacted the same. While trying to claim her, he had touched the scar on her waist and momentarily stopped.

“There was a fire when I was little…”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t the one looking after you on the first day, so I didn’t know. It’s a burn scar, then. It must have hurt.”

Maybe she should have told Alberto too. But she had felt strangely ashamed and said nothing. Alberto hadn’t asked and had acted like nothing happened.

After washing up, Rabiana felt a bit more human again. The hot water had helped ease the pain in her body.

“The Duke doesn’t eat breakfast. I’ll assist you closely, My Lady.”

“Oh… I see. Mm, thank you.”

When going downstairs for breakfast, she used a cane instead of Julia’s hand.

“My Lady, the table is this way…”

Tap, tap. Just as she began moving forward with her cane, her arm was suddenly grabbed.

To Rabiana, unexpected contact felt like an attack.

Her body stiffened. Rabiana’s arm swung up reflexively.

“Ah..!”

Having flung her cane, Rabiana’s face turned pale in shock. The scream was Julia’s. At the sound of it, she seemed to forget everything she was supposed to do.

Until now, aside from Lawrence, no one had ever tried to care for her this closely. That was why her reaction had come out the way it did.

Rabiana didn’t even know where Julia had been hit, nor did she know what to do after having attacked someone unintentionally.

Then it happened.

“There’s much the Duchess needs to learn.” Knock knock. Along with a tapping on the wall, Alberto’s voice resonated behind her.

His voice was somewhat cold. He helped the fallen Julia up and sent her out of the dining room. Once the two were alone, an awkward silence settled in.

One of the things Alberto hated most was treating subordinates harshly just because they were servants.

What he saw was Rabiana swinging her cane and knocking Julia down. She seemed startled by her own action, but her response afterward was neither mature nor befitting of a hostess.

To Alberto, Rabiana seemed to possess both a fairly independent nature and a passive demeanor at the same time.

Even when they had headed straight to the North right after the wedding without explanation, she hadn’t voiced a single complaint or asked for rest.

Even when stepping down from the carriage, she had ignored his outstretched hand and gotten off on her own—showing no inclination to rely on others.

But regardless of personality, failing to apologize after a mistake was not a wise act for a duchess.

As Alberto sat at the neatly set table, he looked up at the still-stiff Rabiana.

“Have a seat. You’ll need to learn these things little by little.”

“…What exactly do I need to learn?”

“From how to rely on others to how to apologize.”

“…”

“Of course, whether you rely on someone or not is none of my business. But you’ll find things much easier if you do. And an apology is simply the basic duty of any person.”

Her instinctive resistance to those words likely stemmed from her days at Lawrence’s estate.

In the past, when she could still see, Rabiana had looked after her people quite well. Even after losing her sight and growing despondent with life, she had tried to be kind to the maids who cared for her.

She began avoiding the maids about a year after losing her sight.

‘Seriously, we have to clean up after a blind girl now? Miss Selden’s grown and still can’t control her bladder!’

Still reeling from the aftermath of the accident, Rabiana often made mistakes. Whenever memories of that day resurfaced, her body would feel drained, and she would wake up drenched in sweat, soaking the bed—forcing the maids to rush in and clean up. They were called in day and night.

Rabiana hadn’t noticed any of this until she overheard their grumbling gossip. Of course she hadn’t—she couldn’t see their grimacing faces even when they openly scowled at her.

The voices leaking from the bathroom filled her with shame.

It wasn’t a one-time thing. After losing her sight, she had become nothing but a burden to others.

When she sobbed in Lawrence’s arms from the shock and humiliation, he had endlessly stroked her back.

‘It’s okay, Rabiana. I understand you. I can accept all of you. So how about I send the other maids away and take care of you myself?’

‘You… really can?’

‘Of course. It’s what I’ve always wanted.’

From that point on, Lawrence took on everything. At the time, she hadn’t had the strength to realize she was taking advantage of him. Or maybe she had noticed and chosen to ignore it—because Lawrence was the only one she had left. She had desperately hoped he wouldn’t abandon her.

Nine years passed like that. Now, it felt like being thrown out of the nest after living in a mother bird’s care. Dropped into an empty, desolate field, unable to fly, she didn’t know what she was supposed to do.

She was scared. Terrified. She hated everything.

“My Lady?”