3.5

“What does the reason matter?”

“You coldly cast me out, saying you wouldn’t involve yourself in my affairs under any circumstances. I don’t think you’d help me without expecting something in return.”

“I don’t want anything from you. Just think of it as my whim. I’m content to use this opportunity to put the arrogant Earl Plar in his place.”

The Arenshen and Plar families often had power struggles. 

Was that why he decided to help? 

Julian didn’t seem to have much of the Earl’s trust. It didn’t seem likely that the Earl would readily agree just because Julian pleaded. There must be another reason, but something felt off.

“I heard Julian is bedridden with a fever from overexertion. The maids in the castle are afraid of him, so there’s no one to care for him.”

His tone suggested he wanted her to take care of Julian like before. But Vanessa didn’t want to see Julian now, so she pretended not to hear him.

If one didn’t know her identity, it might be understandable, but no matter how much of an Earl he was, he couldn’t force such menial tasks on a Viscountess. But then again, she wondered if it was true about Julian being bedridden again.

“Before my agent goes to the palace, I will have him visit the Cloet estate. If you have anything to say to your son, please write a letter by tomorrow.”

Vanessa, who had been coldly silent at the unexpected proposal, snapped out of her thoughts. The offer to let her contact her son was more joyful than anything else. Tears she thought had dried welled up at the corners of her eyes.

“Thank you. This will be a great strength to me. Please convey the message.”

“From now on, a muddy fight will begin, so it’s best to steel your mind. And to fight well, you must fill your stomach properly. Try not to skip meals.”

“Yes, I won’t cause you worry.”

Wiping away her tears, Vanessa vowed not to show weakness again.

The next morning.

On her way back from delivering the letter to Earl Hendrick, Vanessa stopped in front of Julian’s door.

It was because of what the Earl had said the previous evening.

If the Earl, who was indifferent to others, personally mentioned that Julian’s condition was not good, it might really mean Julian was very sick. But it had only been a day since she had a fierce argument with Julian, so she felt that good words wouldn’t come out if she met him again. So she couldn’t easily open the door and enter.

He needed to fully recover from his injuries to fight as a champion, so it was necessary to check on his health at least once. Rationalizing to herself that she hadn’t forgiven him yet, she carefully opened the door.

Creak.

The view of the room beyond the door was different from her memory. The shattered remains of a chair were strewn across the floor, and the curtain on the window was half-torn and flapping wildly. The battle axe that had surely been hanging on the wall was embedded threateningly in the middle of the table. The reason the furniture in the room wasn’t completely destroyed was that Julian’s strength wasn’t sufficient.

It seemed Julian was bedridden because he couldn’t quell his anger and had been stewing in it. The chaotic room seemed to reflect Julian’s inner state.

Julian was buried under the blankets, covering his head and trapping himself in bed. He seemed to need time to sort out his emotions. Vanessa quietly closed the door without speaking to him and left.

Three days passed since then.

Disgraceful rumors spread like wildfire inside and outside the Earl’s castle, but no one was interested in the truth. Everyone added their own sensational stories to the rumors.

She didn’t particularly want to know what was being said about her, but no matter where she went, she heard whispers throughout the castle. The staff who had treated her well before her identity was revealed now seemed to distance themselves from her.

While staying in the castle, she was treated as a guest and remained safe, but she wasn’t free from the eyes that followed her. She felt isolated in this place.

As she spent more time alone, a sudden sense of loneliness crept in. In this situation, loneliness was akin to a luxury, but she couldn’t help feeling an emptiness in her heart.

She thought that keeping herself busy might improve her mood. She spent all day embroidering in her room and only went outside to the stables to care for Pumpkin. Riding the horse around the castle’s courtyard was her only solace.

As usual, she was riding along the outskirts when she noticed a silhouette through the window of a building. Even after circling once and twice, the shadow at the window didn’t disappear. Vanessa suddenly stopped her horse to identify who was persistently watching her.

It was Julian. Their eyes met across the empty space. His gaze, which she couldn’t read, observed Vanessa for a long time. It was Vanessa who first looked away. After circling about five more times and looking up again, Julian had already disappeared.

That evening, Vanessa brought dinner to Julian. He seemed surprised by the unexpected visit but didn’t show it much.

The axe that had been stuck in the table was back in its place. They sat facing each other at the table with the sharp groove, eating bread in silence. There was no conversation. It was a relief. With nerves on edge, they might have ended up arguing again.

After that, Vanessa often spent time in Julian’s room. Julian didn’t bother to ask why she visited him. He showed no more interest than if another piece of furniture had been added to the room. Vanessa also acted as if he wasn’t there, despite being in the same space.

Julian, like a beast curled up in a den until his body healed, let time pass idly. Occasionally, he would glance sideways at Vanessa meticulously embroidering. The gaze wasn’t uncomfortable. At least it was better than being locked in the room alone.

It was the same for Julian. As time passed and his anger subsided, he realized his words had been harsh.

If they had talked calmly, neither would have blushed with anger. If that had been the case, Vanessa wouldn’t have cried so sorrowfully. Belated regret washed over him, but he couldn’t find the opportunity to apologize.

Watching for an opening, the day passed. Even as the sun set, Vanessa showed no sign of leaving. When he approached to check, Vanessa had fallen into a deep sleep, loosely holding a needle and embroidery hoop. Her brow was furrowed as if she were dreaming, so he gently smoothed it with his finger. Her expression relaxed noticeably.

His mother used to fall asleep like this, exhausted from embroidering.

Watching Vanessa sleep, Julian thought of his mother, whom he had long buried in his heart. Julian’s mother, who was skilled with her hands, would hunch over with a tiny needle from dawn till late at night until her eyes grew dim. The money she earned was enough to raise her young son.

However, when Julian was about ten, her health deteriorated, and life became difficult. So Julian’s mother left her young son in the care of the Arenshen family, where she had previously sought refuge, and departed.

She told Julian she would return after treating her illness at a monastery in a place with good water and air, and that the Earl would take care of him in the meantime, so he should behave and not cause trouble.

Julian believed his mother’s words and endured the hardships of being a squire alone. He clung to the hope that one day his mother would return and they would live happily as before.

In the summer when he was fifteen, tired of waiting for his mother who never returned, Julian stole a sword from the armory and ran away. He embarked on a journey following old rumors to trace his mother’s whereabouts. The truth he uncovered was truly shocking.

Her condition had worsened so much that she died on the road before reaching the monastery. Her body was buried in the churchyard of a nearby village. A monk demanded a large donation to take the body, so he had no choice but to leave his mother there and return.

He planned to move his mother’s grave there once he was knighted and acquired land. However, nothing went according to Julian’s plans.

At first, he resented his mother for leaving him at the castle without even being able to be by her side at her deathbed. Later, he came to understand and forgive her. How could he fathom the feelings of a mother leaving her beloved son behind? She probably couldn’t rest in peace. It was only natural that Vanessa couldn’t give up on her son.

Julian tucked Vanessa’s hair behind her ear. Her face was more haggard than before.

Unlike Julian, who was used to people’s scorn, Vanessa couldn’t adapt to this place. Julian thought Vanessa visited him because she had nowhere else to turn. Vanessa seemed strong, but in reality, she had a fragile side. Determined not to hurt her anymore, he gently lifted Vanessa as if she were a feather.

Feeling herself being lifted, Vanessa woke up and tried to grasp the situation with bleary eyes.

Why is Julian holding me? I must have dozed off. But if he has the strength to do this, does that mean he’s recovered?

Unconsciously, she leaned against the person in front of her. His body, which had filled out nicely over the past few days, was firm and warm. It also carried a sweet, musky scent. His embrace felt secure, and she felt like she could fall asleep again.