Chapter 21

As he settled in, there was a rustling sound, and Celiana coughed in surprise.

“Sister. Greetings.”

Robert imitated the tone and title he’d heard somewhere, addressing Celiana.

“Hello, Father.”

“What story have you come to share today?”

He lowered his voice, but worried Celiana might recognize it.

“Um, it’s my first time… I’m not sure what to say…”

Thankfully, it seemed she hadn’t noticed. Celiana didn’t seem suspicious.

Of course, she would never imagine her husband was on the other side of the confessional.

“Just share whatever is on your mind. Anything at all.”

“Hmm…”

She seemed nervous, unable to answer properly, so Robert asked the first question.

“Sister, are you married?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Then perhaps you’d like to talk about your husband.”

The question he was most curious about—what did Celiana think of him?

It might have been a box better left unopened, but the temptation to look inside was irresistible.

What would Celiana say? He waited for her response.

“Um, Father.”

“Yes, go ahead.”

“Actually… I’m troubled about my nights with my husband.”

“…!”

Robert stiffened on the other side. He’d never expected Celiana to bring up that topic right away.

“May I ask why?”

He asked, hands sweating as he waited for her answer through the hole.

What would Celiana say?

His nerves made him imagine the worst.

If she said she was afraid of sharing a bed with him, could he bear it?

He regretted asking. He felt sorry for Celiana, but wondered if he should just leave right now.

As Robert glanced toward the door—

“I’m different from most people.”

Celiana began to speak.

“I can’t be satisfied with ordinary things. I want to be restrained and forced.”

“Pardon?”

Robert asked again. Did he hear correctly? He forgot to disguise his voice.

“I want to be hit, tied up, and humiliated in bed.”

But, focused on her confession, Celiana didn’t seem to notice and continued.

“In fact, I often do these things alone, without my husband knowing. I hit my thighs with a leather paddle, or tie my wrists with rope.”

She continued, confessing that she was always anxious her husband would discover the marks left on her body.

“How could I share a bed with my husband, being like this? If he found out about my preferences…”

She trailed off, as if even voicing the rest was unpleasant.

But, perhaps conscious of the priest waiting, she continued.

“I’m afraid he’ll hate me.”

Robert doubted his own ears. 

‘Was this really not a dream? What Celiana was saying now…’

“When I roll up my sleeves, there are red marks everywhere.”

Robert wanted to confirm it.

“My husband would never imagine I’m like this.”

He wanted to see with his own eyes that she was like him.

“Could you show me?”

So he asked.

“Huh? My wrists?”

Even from her voice, he could tell Celiana was startled on the other side.

“T-that’s…”

The hole between them was easily large enough for a person’s arm to pass through.

So Celiana was not hesitating or surprised because she couldn’t find a way to show him. Robert decided to persuade her.

“If you show the burden you’ve been holding alone to someone else, even if you can’t show it to your husband, maybe it’ll relieve your heavy heart.”

It was a sophistry, but also eloquent.

She was silent for a moment, perhaps considering what to make of it. After a brief pause—

“…Father, you’re right.”

A composed voice, as if she had resolved something, came from beyond the hole.

Soon, Robert saw a white arm, the glove removed, slowly appear in his view.

Gulp.

Robert’s throat moved as he looked down at the arm.

The pale skin was unmistakably Celiana’s, and even the mole between her thumb and index finger was there.

It was definitely Celiana.

‘It’s real.’

And just as she’d said, there were visible red marks on her slender wrist.

There was no way Robert wouldn’t recognize those marks. They were clear evidence of her self-inflicted acts.

Thump-thump. Thud-thud. Robert’s heartbeat raced uncontrollably.

Facing the reality that the oasis he’d seen that day was not a mirage but real, his throat went dry.

He wanted to rush over, bury his face, and drink in the sight to quench his thirst.

Robert clenched his fists tightly.

Before he knew it, his front was swelling with excitement. He bit his lip to hide his heated breath.

“…Father?”

When there was no response, Celiana called out to him.

“Yes, Sister.”

Robert answered, suppressing his voice.

“What do you think? Isn’t it strange?”

The arm extended through the hole was trembling slightly. Her voice was nervous, but he could sense the anticipation within it.

The answer she wanted was clear.

“Not at all. It’s not strange. Everyone has their own preferences.”

“R-really?”

Sure enough, she sounded happy. Celiana was always honest with her feelings.

‘So that’s what it was.’

Robert finally understood everything.

When the Duchess of Ephelmar had gifted her handcuffs and a collar, Celiana had lied to him.

‘She didn’t want me to hate her.’

But in truth, it was the opposite.

Without knowing that, Robert had shown his disappointment at Celiana’s sharp reaction.

Untangling the twisted situation made him laugh helplessly.

‘But why did she think I would hate her?’

Having barely calmed his excitement, Robert decided to probe Celiana once more. He immediately continued with another question.

“Of course. So why not talk to your husband about it?”

“That… I think it would be difficult.”

Her voice was weak.

“Why?”

“My husband… well, both of us are actually nobles. When I look at him, I feel like he’s someone who would only walk a well-paved road.”

On the other hand, both Erta and the priest across from her kept advising her to talk to Robert, which frustrated Celiana.

“Could someone like that understand these preferences? People who like things like this are rare to begin with. My husband especially would never accept it.”

They both said that because they didn’t really know Robert. Celiana sighed briefly, resigned.

“If Robert finds out, he’ll hate me. If he knows I have these tastes…”

She poured out her heart for quite some time.

Robert listened to every word, not missing a single thing, and felt he could understand Celiana.

Even he had thought she would run away if she found out about his own preferences. She was no different.

Now that Robert knew Celiana had the same secret as him, his heart brimmed with joy.

Having the same worries meant Celiana also…

Robert asked one last question.

“Do you love your husband?”  

It was, in fact, the most important question.  

The two had shared a deep bond as children, but ultimately, their marriage was arranged.  

Robert still didn’t truly know how Celiana felt about him.  

Of course, Robert liked Celiana, desired her, and loved her deeply.  

But what about Celiana?  

He’d never heard her feelings before. Robert, always putting his own emotions first, had convinced himself he was always considering Celiana.  

He’d never really thought to ask about her preferences or feelings toward him.  

No matter what answer came from the other side, Robert was determined to try.  

“Eh? That’s…”  

Celiana’s reply rang out briefly.