Chapter 3

“Of course, I’m actually grateful.”

So Celiana couldn’t always refuse. She raised her arm and offered it to Robert.

Robert’s large, pale hand reached for Celiana’s wrist.

Gulp.

Celiana swallowed, her gaze following Robert’s hand.

Hoping he wouldn’t accidentally roll up her sleeve and see the marks.

His long fingers neatly grasped the ribbon. As he slowly began to tie it, Celiana was caught up in a strange feeling.

‘What was this, Robert?’

‘Why are you…’

His skill was impressive.

‘He’s good at tying.’

It made her imagine and expect things she shouldn’t.

Her husband was perfect in every way—even tying ribbons.

That brief moment sent Celiana’s heart racing with wild imaginings.

Her heart pounded even harder than when Robert smiled earlier.

She worried he might hear her heartbeat.

‘Ah, if only he’d tie me up like that.’

If only he would tie not just the ribbon of her dress, but her bare skin.

Not with soft lace, but with rough rope.

She pictured herself bound tightly by his knots, unable to move, struggling in vain.

No, even if not that—

If only Robert were the kind of man who shared her desires.

If, right now, he rolled up her sleeve and saw the red marks, and his eyes narrowed.

In her mind, Robert pressed on the rope marks on her pale skin, inflicting even greater pain…

“It’s done. It looks pretty.”

“Ah? Yes. Thank you.”

She snapped back to reality.

Robert’s hand had already moved away.

The lace at the end of Celiana’s sleeve was beautifully and neatly tied.

Yes, nothing she imagined had happened. It never would.

Regaining her composure, Celiana gripped her dress hem tightly, pulling it over her hand.

‘…Robert must never know.’

Celiana’s eyes trembled.

If he found out, he would surely be disgusted.

He could never understand that she made these marks herself, that she did it because she wanted to.

Celiana had to be virtuous.

She had to be the model noblewoman.

All her desires had to be hidden, never discovered by anyone.

So, the fact that Celiana Dalton’s desires were darker than anyone else’s must absolutely…

‘No one, no one must ever know.’

Celiana was afraid.

Afraid that Robert would be disappointed in her.

Could the paragon of nobility, Robert Dalton, even imagine?

That his wife wanted him to spank her with those big hands.

He would never know.

That instead of kind words in bed, she wished for him to utter degrading words with those lips—he would never even dream of it.

***

In the pitch-dark night, darkness fell over Celiana and Robert’s bedroom.

On a bed large enough for three or four people,

Celiana and Robert lay down, each keeping a certain distance.

The space between them was enough for another person to sleep.

No matter how big the bed, it was unusual for a married couple in their second year.

But for them, it was familiar. It had always been like this.

In the quiet air, with only the sound of breathing, Celiana lay still with her eyes closed, waiting for Robert to fall asleep.

After a long while,

‘He must be asleep.’

Hearing his steady breathing beside her, Celiana was sure he was deeply asleep.

She quietly slipped out of bed.

Step, step—

Carefully leaving the bedroom, Celiana walked down the corridor toward her study.

A space only she could enter, off-limits to others.

She gently pushed aside a bookshelf deep inside the study.

Behind it was a hidden compartment. Reaching in, Celiana took something out.

“Should I use this today?”

What entered Celiana’s field of vision was a stiff, tanned leather paddle, about the length of an arm.

Gulp.

She swallowed instinctively.

Celiana checked the latch on the study door.

‘It’s properly closed.’

Certain no one could come in from outside, she carefully lifted her nightgown skirt.

Her pale skin, hidden beneath, was revealed.

Celiana swung her arm, striking her thigh with the paddle.

Smack—

“Ah…!”

A stinging pain spread through her thigh. It was a sharp sensation that woke her up, but Celiana’s face was filled with ecstasy.

Of course, she didn’t enjoy pain to the point of suffering.

But a tolerable degree of pain excited and aroused her.

Celiana swung her arm again.

Smack—

“Ahhh!”

A louder moan escaped.

No one was on the third floor at this hour, where her study was. She could relax and make noise.

This time, she closed her eyes.

And in her imagination, she pictured someone punishing her.

That man, of course, was Robert.

In her mind, Robert wore his usual neat suit, holding the leather paddle.

Thump. Thump.

Bent over the desk, her bare hips exposed, Celiana could only surrender herself to him, unable to resist.

A tingling sensation spread below her navel as her heart pounded.

The Robert of her imagination brought the paddle down firmly, scolding her as he did so.

“You must be virtuous, Celiana. How indecent.”

Smack—

“Ahh!”

Another blow landed on her already bruised thigh.

Celiana shivered, twisting her thighs.

A thrilling sensation swept through her body.

“Haa, ah.”

Breathing heavily, Celiana was still unsatisfied.

She lifted her nightgown higher, exposing her bottom to the air, and closed her eyes again.

Robert appeared once more in her mind.

“My wife, you don’t seem to know what you did wrong. I wonder how many times I’ve had to punish you.”

Smack—

“Ahhh…!”

This time, it was her bottom.

It was a hard area to hit herself, so she aimed for the side where it met her thigh.

Moisture pooled between her legs. The sensation of her secret place growing damp was vivid.

“Haa, ah…”

Breathing heavily, Celiana slowly opened her eyes and returned to reality.

Looking down at her right thigh, she saw the skin swollen from multiple strikes.

The lingering pain proved what she had just done.

This choice had been a good one.

‘Choosing the paddle was the right call.’

Celiana was quite satisfied.

But she regretted not being able to spank her bottom properly. It was hard to aim for the center alone.

‘…Still, if I don’t do this, it’s hard to bear.’

It was the best she could do in her current situation, to satisfy her own desires.

But then, standing alone in the dark study, holding the paddle, she suddenly felt a little empty.

Hiding away in her study to do such secret things—this wasn’t just a one-time event.

For about three months now, she’d been repeating these nighttime escapades.

In the moment, the thrill and pleasure might satisfy her, but after hurting herself a few times, a part of her heart felt hollow.

What Celiana liked wasn’t just the pain and sting.

If that were all, she wouldn’t have any complaints about Robert, and could simply hurt herself every day.

What Celiana wanted was, definitely, situational.

Just like in her imagination—Robert scolding and punishing her.

Robert shaming her.

Robert speaking harsh words to her.

This was what Celiana wanted.

In other words, something she could never do alone.

“Haa…”

Celiana put the paddle back into the secret compartment and sighed.

She’d thought about seducing Robert.

At first, she had really hoped—maybe, by chance, Robert would share her sadistic tendencies.

Even if he didn’t realize it himself, maybe he’d discover it by accident.

So Celiana had tried a few times.

Pretending it was an accident, she scratched herself with a branch in front of Robert.

“Ah, I didn’t know there were thorns.”

Or, pretending to spill hot tea on her hand, she’d moaned in pain, rubbing her swollen skin.

“Ahh, the tea… ha, it’s hot.”

But every time, Robert would say,

“Celiana, are you all right? I’ll have these trees cut down immediately.”

“Here’s a cold towel. Hold it against your skin.”

Instead of getting excited, Robert was only busy worrying about Celiana.

Celiana rolled her eyes to sneak a look at Robert’s expression and fell into despair.

There was no trace of passionate fire in his eyes.

If she had seen even the slightest hint of excitement, she might have nurtured a seed of hope.

But Robert showed none of that.

His eyes were filled only with concern for Celiana.

‘Robert is… different from me.’

Through several instances, Celiana became certain.

Robert didn’t have even a trace of a sadistic tendency.

A husband who cherished her excessively.

A husband who, when Celiana tried to avoid intimacy, respected her and never forced her.

That was Robert Dalton.

Step, step—

Leaving the study on the third floor, Celiana walked down the stairs to the second floor and returned to the bedroom.

She quietly walked toward the bed. Robert was sound asleep, not moving at all from his earlier position.

Sadness flickered in Celiana’s eyes as she looked down at him.

‘Robert, you couldn’t even imagine the reason I avoid intimacy, could you?’

Of course, no answer came to her internal question.

‘You probably think I’m afraid of being with you.’

But in truth, it was the opposite.

She was actually afraid of his kindness, wished for roughness, but he would never know.

After countless sighs since their marriage, Celiana returned to the spot, about ten hand spans away from Robert, where she had been lying before.

She closed her eyes, trying to sleep, but slumber didn’t come easily.

The lingering sting in her thigh kept reminding her of reality.

People might predict Celiana’s married life to be full of happiness.

But the truth was different.

The pain of carrying a secret she couldn’t share with anyone was more difficult than she’d ever imagined.