***

“I’m not running away.”

Yul-hye said, glaring at Ugong.

After Ah-shin’s departure, Ugong seemed to have taken on a new self-imposed duty: to watch over her. It wasn’t an order from Ah-shin, but the ever-loyal subordinate was keeping a close eye on her.

“This is your chance. And yet you don’t run?”

“I haven’t decided where to go yet. Once I do, I might run.”

“It’s been a month and you still don’t like our master?”

“It’s not a question of liking or disliking. I just…”

Yul-hye sighed deeply, unwilling to have such a conversation with Ugong.

“I need to rest. Could you leave me alone for now?”

With that she dismissed Ugong and lay down on her bed.

The night was still dark. She wondered how far Ah-shin had travelled by now. It hadn’t even been a full day since he’d left, yet his absence already felt enormous.

“It’s not about like or dislike…”

A month. As Ugong had said, that was more than enough time for one person to get attached to another. After spending a month with him, she no longer found Ah-shin frightening and had begun to see the kind of man he really was.

The large, imposing tree she had watched from afar was, upon closer inspection, far more beautiful than she had imagined.

But the more she came to understand him, the more uneasy she became.

A person’s heart is like a lake of unfathomable depth. You can never really know its depth, and even if you could, it’s like the sea in a storm – its waves are unpredictable, its currents ever changing. No one can tell when a heart will shift.

Yul-hye knew that Ah-shin’s behaviour towards her had changed. But he still wanted to possess her. He wanted her with an intensity that bordered on obsession. But what would happen when this insatiable desire was fulfilled? Would he still want her?

If his feelings changed, if his interest faded, she would inevitably be discarded.

If she could accept that now, steel herself against the inevitable, and give him her heart, knowing she would be abandoned, it would be easier. But the human heart doesn’t work that way. It can’t be so easily divided, sorted or separated.

What if her own feelings became real? What would she do if that happened?

The thought filled her with dread long before it could happen.

What would she do with her heart if it became real, only to be discarded when it became his, as he wished? Could she go on living as if nothing had happened, as if it had all been a fleeting moment?

She doubted it.

She was afraid.

She had already lost loved ones twice. The first time was her parents and the second was the late Master Jung and his wife.

Each time her heart had ached so unbearably that she could barely pull herself together.

If she let someone else into her heart again, only to be abandoned, she wasn’t sure she could bear the pain a third time.

To be abandoned and set free was supposed to be the goal, but now the thought of being abandoned frightened her so much that she couldn’t bring herself to give him her heart.

To love someone was easy, but to be abandoned while carrying the memories of that love was excruciating. Giving her heart wasn’t difficult, but leaving after giving it was unbearable.

Becoming his was easy, but realising that he would never truly be hers – that was truly the hardest part.

And so she couldn’t give him her heart. She couldn’t become his. She couldn’t love him.

Because nothing felt certain. She couldn’t grasp anything – not even his feelings.

“Ah, it’s snowing again.”

Yul-hye muttered as she got out of bed and opened the window. She looked out at the snow that had just begun to fall, her voice soft as she spoke into the still night.

“Maybe he’ll turn back because of the snow.”

Of course, he wasn’t that kind of man. If he were someone who could be stopped by a blizzard, he wouldn’t have pursued her so relentlessly through countless other obstacles. He was the most persistent, tenacious man in the world, someone who didn’t know the meaning of giving up.

“Have mercy and come back safely.”

She hoped he would return without staining himself with too much blood – not for anyone else’s sake, but for his own.

***

“Aaaah!”

The scream jolted her awake. It was Ugong, who had gone out in the middle of the night to investigate a disturbance.

Ugong stepped into the quarters, his figure pale and ghostly, like a snow spirit of local legend.

“Aaaaaaah!”

Ugong’s scream echoed through the halls.

There were stories in Gangseo of snow spirits appearing in the dead of winter. Some called them seorin – snow spirits – while others believed they were the souls of those who had frozen to death in the icy mountains.

Convinced that the fabled snow ghost had finally appeared, Ugong let out another terrible howl and collapsed to the ground in panic.

Covered in snow from head to toe, the ‘Snow Spirit’ clicked his tongue as he looked down at Ugong.

“What are you doing?”

The voice was unmistakably that of Ah-shin.

“A-Ah-shin?”

Why had Ah-shin returned? It hadn’t even been a few hours since he left. It wasn’t even dawn yet, and the man who had been gone for ten days had suddenly returned.

“H-Have you forgotten something?”

Ugong stammered, his mind racing. Was it because he thought his guards were inadequate? Or had the heavy snow forced him to turn back?

As Ugong’s mind filled with all sorts of possibilities, Ah-shin brushed the snow from his shoulders and hair, barely glancing at him as he walked past.

The direction he was heading was unmistakable – towards her quarters.

‘Her.’

Once the bride of Jung Do-yoon, she was now rumoured to be the governor’s wife. Everyone talked about her in hushed tones.

“Ah-shin! Ah-shin! What’s going on?!”

Ugong, thinking that something urgent must have happened, followed Ah-shin in a panic. But Ah-shin didn’t even look back, he went straight to Yul-hye’s quarters and threw open the door with a vengeance.

“Where is she?”

The room was empty. She wasn’t there.

“W-what?”

“I asked where she is!”

“She’s… she’s not in there?”

“Does it look like she’s here to you?”

Ah-shin roared, his anger flaring as he turned to glare at Ugong, who immediately fell to his knees in fear.

“B-but I swear I saw her before she fell asleep…”

Ugong’s voice trembled as he desperately tried to come up with an explanation.

No. Where could she have escaped to in such a short time? She’d said she wouldn’t run, yet she’d fled while he was gone.

I’m as good as dead now… ‘

Ugong thought, despair sweeping over him. He had prided himself on serving Ah-shin wisely, but with her escape, his life was as good as dead.

She promised not to run away… and yet she lied? And so quickly…’

“She can’t have gone far. I’ll go and bring her back right away.”

Ugong said hastily, trying to save the situation. But Ah-shin didn’t react. He stood motionless for a moment, his gaze fixed on the empty room. Then, with a resounding “bang!”, he slammed the door shut, his face a storm of rage, and walked away.