Was this a dream?

That was Helia’s first thought when she opened her eyes. Otherwise, the truth seemed far too horrifying to bear.

The first thing she saw was the familiar ceiling of her chamber in the duke’s mansion. The ceiling painting adorned with vibrant flowers welcomed her with its usual charm. She promptly closed her eyes again as though trying to shut it out.

She couldn’t bring herself to believe that she hadn’t died.

Helia had always prepared for and adapted to every situation, but surviving after consuming Euresica had not been part of the plan. It was a death she had meticulously orchestrated. Hadn’t she deliberately chosen the most potent poison she could find? And yet, she lived?

Cautiously, she cracked her eyes open again. The same vibrant ceiling painting greeted her. Sunlight poured brightly into the room, making denying the reality before her impossible.

She had survived.

It was the worst possible outcome.

“Your Highness!”

The maid at her bedside noticed Helia’s faint movements and immediately shouted, running outside to alert the others. The commotion spread quickly beyond the room.

Helia frowned. Even the poison had betrayed her will. This unexpected survival was infuriating for someone like Helia, who prided herself on foreseeing every possible outcome. No—utterly despairing.

The sheer fact that she had lived made her so resentful she felt on the verge of tears.

She had raced toward the end, yet even death was not hers to command.

Helia brought a hand to her face and sighed deeply. The breath emanating from her lungs felt detestably alive.

She lay there silently, trying to process the despair of her continued existence. However, her solitude didn’t last long. Soon, the duke’s personal physician and several maids hurried into the room, surrounding her with a flurry of concern.

“Your Highness, are you fully awake?”

“Do you feel any pain?“

“Are you thirsty?”

The noise was almost enough to drive her newly awakened mind into retreat. Grimacing, Helia sat up with effort, assisted by two maids. Her body felt unbearably heavy, and her head spun.

“Water.”

The words escaped her dry, cracked lips, rasping painfully as they did. One of the maids quickly handed her a glass of water. The cool liquid was a small mercy. Helia drank slowly, savoring it.

Everyone watched her with worried eyes. As she swallowed the water, Helia worked to piece together her fragmented thoughts and assess the situation.

“How long have I been unconscious?”

“Over two weeks.”

Helia let out a long sigh. It wasn’t a short period.

“So I somehow managed to cling to life,“ she thought bitterly.

At that moment, hurried footsteps approached. Everyone turned toward the door. When the owner of those steps appeared, everyone but Helia bowed their heads. Their deference left only two pairs of eyes meeting in the room. Helia didn’t shy away from the dark green gaze fixed on her. Even as it scrutinized her condition relentlessly, she held firm.

“…Why don’t you come in?”

Helia was the one to break the silence. Only then did Ruben step forward as if cautiously entering forbidden territory. His approach was painstakingly slow, and when he drew close, she noticed the faint tremor in his green eyes. The slight redness around them was uncharacteristic, betraying his usual composed demeanor.

“…Are you all right?“

“Regrettably, yes.”

His barely noticeable trembling vanished at her bitter reply as if it had never been there. His gaze turned dry and detached as always, though a depth to his eyes hadn’t been there before.

Helia realized she would have to face that depth—and everything it carried.

Facing that truth, the restless heart, unsettled by the unexpected situation, cooled instantly as though doused with cold water. Yes. What has really changed? Even if the plan failed, it didn’t alter the fact that she was still Helia Bailey.

“First, dismiss everyone.”

At Helia’s command, Della quickly gathered the people and disappeared. She even made sure to firmly close the door behind her. Silence descended in an instant.

Ruben had remained silent throughout. His tightly closed lips suggested he was carefully choosing his words. However, Helia had no intention of waiting for him.

“You look like you have a lot to say.”

“…”

“But I have no interest in having a conversation.“

“There is something you need to hear.”

Of course. He would have much to say and much he wanted to hear. Helia understood that.

But what good was that now? Even if they had an honest conversation, would it resolve the layers of mistrust built up over time? Could they bridge the deep and wide chasm that lay between them?

It was all impossible. And above all, Helia had no desire to try.

‘You are you, and I am me.‘ 

Even if it was revealed that she had been supporting the revolutionaries, that wouldn’t change. Someday, if Ruben were to send her to the guillotine, that would simply be his role. She, in turn, would merely fulfill her role by extending her neck to the blade. Beyond that, no meaning existed, nor should it. That was the extent of the roles they were suited for. Any emotions spilling over beyond those roles were unwelcome. Everything beyond their respective duties was merely unnecessary residue.

“I’m returning to the palace.“

“No, you cannot.“

“Are you daring to block my way?“

“Yes, I dare.“

“Ruben Effenberg!“

“Until this conversation ends, I cannot let you go anywhere.”

Ruben was resolute. His steadfast and firm demeanor was like armor. Helia’s voice instantly sharpened.

“What do you want to hear? How did I support the revolutionaries? Or whether I’m scheming something else?“

“…Why did you do it?“

“What do you mean?“

“Why… why did you remain silent?“

Helia’s sharp momentum, which had been driving Ruben back, suddenly dissipated. Ruben spoke each word slowly as though it was a struggle.

“Your relationship with the late king, the disloyalty of those around you—why did you never mention it?”

How does he know that?

Helia’s composure visibly faltered. Her golden pupils wavered aimlessly. Words escaped her lips, and her fingertips seemed lost. She looked as if she had lost everything, like a fortress that had been destroyed.

With her hardened shell stripped away, a trembling young girl remained. The very girl she had turned away from and ignored long ago.

“How…?”

“…”

“How could you not say a single word…?”

Ruben couldn’t finish his sentence. Something swelled within his chest, choking him, making it hard to breathe. He turned his head away visibly, afraid of what he might do if he kept looking at Helia.

Watching Ruben, who couldn’t even meet her gaze, Helia sighed.

“So, you know everything.”

It wasn’t as though she had never imagined this moment. No, truthfully, she had envisioned it countless times. She had pictured the day she would confide in him, the night she would shed tears in his arms as if emptying herself. To say she hadn’t would be a lie.

But those were days that should never have come. Days that should have remained only in her imagination. Days that absolutely had to stay unrealized. She had never wanted to face this, especially not like this.

But today, it had come, finally and inevitably. Helia slowly closed her eyes.

“What was I supposed to say?“ she muttered bitterly.

“That my so-called father wanted to turn me into a monster? That he threatened me with your life? That my nanny poisoned my tea to kill me? Or that everyone around me was watching, waiting to see when I would die?“

Helia’s words spilled out one by one, a list of the pain she had endured. Her tone was detached, as though she were recounting the wounds of a stranger. It was sharp but lacked venom. To her, these were all things of the past.

But Ruben was different. Even though he already knew everything through the documents Miel had brought, hearing it confirmed by her lips struck a chord deep within him. His chest ached, yet he remained silent, listening to her torrent of revelations as if enduring pain.

When her voice finally ceased, Helia took a moment to breathe. Her gaze had shifted to the window. When her breathing calmed, her voice sounded frail, now light and free of oppression.

“My nanny has cared for me since I was born. Even if her child was crying and screaming, she wouldn’t so much as glance their way if I whimpered.“

“…”

“She raised me with such care, treasured me so much.”

Helia paused, her expression distant.

“I don’t think it was all insincere. Up to a certain point, she genuinely loved me.”

But what did that matter in the end? The nanny who had raised her so tenderly had poisoned her tea, and the maids who had adorned her hair so beautifully had pressed blades to her exposed neck. Even if those threatening hands had trembled, the poison she drank hadn’t been diluted, nor had the wounds on her neck disappeared. Such things could never be erased.

“Even someone like that betrayed me, Ruben.”

“…”

“What was I supposed to do?”

I thought and thought again. How could I escape this hell? There wasn’t a single day when I didn’t cry out to the gods. Someone, anyone, please pull me out of here. Crawling to the very bottom of hell, I pleaded desperately. If only someone would listen, I could even serve a devil.

But salvation never came. Life rolled through the mud. Whenever I let my guard down and offered a piece of my heart, the other party would betray me as if waiting for the moment. It wasn’t until much later that I realized Father had deliberately chosen such people.

My starved heart gasped for kindness, and the fainthearted would toss scraps of sympathy. They became perfect bait for Father. That’s how it worked.

It was foolish of me to offer my heart. I was the one who chose the people who would betray me. By the time I realized this, my heart had already been shattered. Everything I touched was ruined. Looking back, all I could see were irreparably destroyed ruins that were futile to attempt restoration.

Only then could I stop begging for salvation. This wasteland was my place. This hell was my world. The more I struggled to escape, the more painfully aware I became of that fact—like a swamp that pulled you more profoundly, the more complex you fought.

Helia slowly opened her eyes, which had been tightly shut. Light filled her vision. Ruben was staring at her. His ever-kind green eyes shimmered with indescribable emotions.

“At least with me…”

“…”

“You should have told me.”