Chapter 15: The Broken Candleholder (1)

“Alicia, what are you thinking about so intently?”

Startled by the voice that came from my ear, I accidentally dropped the candleholder I was holding. Lucio picked up the candleholder that had fallen on the floor.

“There’s a crack in the candleholder. Well, it’s still usable, though.”

I took the candleholder from Lucio’s trembling hands.

“You don’t look so well. Are you feeling unwell?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you for picking it up.”

The mere act of meeting his gaze made me shiver, so I quickly lowered my head.

The truth is, I hadn’t slept a wink all night. Every time I closed my eyes, the image of Father Daniel lying on the library floor and Lucio leaning against the railing, looking down, haunted me.

‘…It must be a coincidence.’

It’s just a delusion I’ve made up. Why would Lucio want to harm Father Daniel for any gain? It’s just an unsettling coincidence.

“Alicia, sister.”

“…Yes?”

When I looked up at the voice calling me, Edwin was gazing down at me with a worried expression.

“It would be best not to use a candleholder with a crack in it.”

His fingertips reached for the candleholder I was holding. I knew he wasn’t just commenting on the candleholder.

“…Yes, Father.”

Feeling trapped within his kind gaze, I wanted to pour out all the doubts I had been wrestling with alone.

‘…Father, did I see something I shouldn’t have that night?’

Swallowing the words I couldn’t bring myself to say, I carefully transferred the flame to the protruding wick of the candle.

Once the preparations for the mass were complete and Abigail clasped the emperor’s wrinkled hand, the mass finally began.

“He gave us the eternal rest. Sing, brothers. Look up to the cradle of God.”

During the chanting of the hymn, our eyes met. Normally, I would have greeted her with a faint smile, but I had to avoid her gaze because of Lucio standing beside me.

I couldn’t understand why Lucio chose to sit next to me in the vast emperor’s bedroom.

A piercing, intense gaze was suddenly felt from somewhere. I turned my head slightly and saw Lucio smiling widely at me.

‘Lucio, what exactly are you plotting?’

The sight of his grin and the glint in his eyes made the hairs on my body stand on end.

Knock, knock, knock.

At that moment, the knock on the bedroom door interrupted Father Revencio’s recitation of the Scriptures.

With the flow of the mass abruptly disrupted and everyone’s gaze focused on the door, Father Revencio approached with a fierce expression.

“During the sacred mass, how dare you…”

A small attendant bowed their head in the gap of the open door.

“I instructed that no one should approach until the mass was over, due to the potential for defilement. What is going on?”

“There is… someone in the pond of the closed Empress’s palace…”

The Empress’s palace pond. For a moment, I doubted my ears.

“Can’t you speak clearly!”

As Father Revencio shouted, the attendant, tears streaming, raised their voice.

“A person is coming down from the sky!”

The Emperor’s bedroom was filled with chaos. Thud, thud, thud. My heart began to race.

No, it can’t be. The real Saint Sua appeared in early winter, didn’t she? There are still two seasons left; there’s no way the Saint has come down already.

“Haah, haah, haah…”

I was having trouble breathing. Hyperventilation was causing my entire body to weaken.

“Good grief, what kind of training did the palace attendants receive that they spout such nonsense during a sacred mass…”

No one in the Emperor’s bedroom believed the attendant’s words. Except for two people.

I locked eyes with Edwin, who was staring at me with a pale, terrified face from a distance.

Something was definitely wrong. I had to run to the Empress’s palace pond right now and see the truth with my own eyes.

“Saint, the pond in the Empress’s palace was filled in to prevent the spread of the plague. How could such an ominous event…”

The Emperor, leaning against the bed, turned ashen.

“Your Majesty, I will go and see for myself. It’s not certain yet, so please remain seated and wait.”

Abigail’s clear blue eyes sparkled as she spoke. She quickly gathered several priests and made her way to the Empress’s palace pond. Among them was Edwin.

I needed to catch up with her and head to the pond, but my legs wouldn’t move as if they were broken.

“Alicia, are you alright?”

Lucio’s fingertips touched my cold, sweaty cheek.

“I need to go too.”

As I tried to force myself to walk with my trembling legs, Lucio’s small hand twisted my wrist, tightening its grip.

“The Saint and the priests have gone to check. It’s best for the rest of us to stay put. The Emperor is resting, after all.”

This was not the time to be concerned about procedures and rules. Without a moment’s hesitation, I shook off Lucio’s hand and hurried on.

“Alicia!”

I heard Lucio calling out to me from behind, but I ignored it and ran toward the Empress’s palace garden.

“It can’t be. It must not be.”

The path to the Empress’s palace pond was one I had traveled dozens, even hundreds of times. I reached the pond without losing my way.

As requested, the pond had been completely filled in. People had gathered around the area, where the flat ground was covered with brown soil.

“It shouldn’t have been…”

What was the problem? Was it because I hadn’t become the Saint? Or was it because I had twisted the divine plan set by God?

I grasped a handful of my hair with my trembling hands.

“…Why?”

I sank to the ground and looked up at the sky. Yes, just like that day, a single beam of sunlight shone through the thick, dark clouds.

The only difference was that the pond, which used to sparkle brightly in the sunlight, was now filled in.

“Someone’s ankle is visible!”

A woman’s pale white ankle, which had only been partially visible before, was now clearly exposed.

“Oh… no.”

The despair, sticky and consuming, began to gnaw at my soul. It was too early for Abigail to be fully recognized as a Saint.

“Someone is descending from the sky!”

People were so captivated by the strange sight that they didn’t even notice the lone nun sitting and weeping.

The white ankle was followed by a calf, thigh, waist, and finally, the flowing black hair, all revealed.

“It’s a woman! A woman with black hair!”

Even though it was the scorching height of summer, only a cool breeze blew around her. Her black hair, rippling like gentle waves, was extraordinarily strange and beautiful. Around her neck hung a necklace made of blue jewels, like a verse from a prophecy.

Among the crowd, a man stretched out his hand towards her. Every joint, every curve of his wrist, was familiar to him.

“Victor……”

The Saint’s foot touched Victor’s palm. Just as in my memories, the black-haired Saint was gently cradled in Victor’s arms like a newborn.

Her pitch-black hair and eyes like unreflective obsidian. And the red-haired Crown Prince holding her. It was an awe-inspiring and alien scene, as if staged by someone.

“It’s the Saint, the Saint has descended from the sky!”

As people began to praise the Saint, intoxicated by the strange sight, I sat alone and cursed the gods.

Was the reason the gods gave me one more chance to suffer twice for the same reason?

“If that girl is truly the Saint……”

The crowd’s gaze turned towards Abigail. Abigail, who had been standing vacantly, slowly turned her head. Her blue eyes looked down at me.

The gaze that had always been clear and pure was now mixed with countless emotions. Confusion, anxiety, chaos…… It was an emotion that could not be defined by a single word.

“…Abigail.”

A heavy guilt pressed down on me. Amidst the fading consciousness, only Abigail’s sorrowful gaze remained.

* * *

When I opened my eyes, I was faced with the ceiling of the monastery room. It was a terrible nightmare. With a dazed mind, I looked down at my nun’s skirt.

There were faint traces of dirt around my knees. Yes, I had been sitting by the pond in the Empress’s Palace.

“Hoo, huff, huff……”

Hyperventilation began again. I gasped for breath. My heart felt like it was being seared in flames. Even when I was burning alive on the pyre, it wasn’t this painful.

“It wasn’t a dream……!”

I screamed in despair and twisted my body. Dragging my suffering body, I ran out of the room.

“Alicia, why don’t you lie down a bit longer?”

It was Sister Susanna. She greeted me with her usual kind smile.

“…Sister, where is Father Edwin?”

“There are faithful waiting for confession, so he is probably in the church.”

“…Thank you.”

I dragged my body, which felt like it was about to collapse, towards the confessional. The place where I had first revealed my sins to Edwin.

As the faithful who had come to seek forgiveness from God left one by one, my turn finally arrived.

“Confess your sins as truthfully as possible under the grace of God.”

Edwin continued in his monotonous voice.

“Father, does God truly exist?”

I asked him about the existence of God. With only my sobbing breath, he must have recognized who I was.

“If He truly exists, why has He given me such harsh trials? Not just once, but twice.”

I thought once was enough to wail the name of God in such a pitiful state.

“…I understand now what God’s will is, Father.”

The meticulous plans I had set up were thoroughly shattered by the appearance of the dark-haired Saint.

Sua, she was the true Saint with extraordinary divine power. Abigail did not yet have the strength to fight against Sua on equal terms.

“I have been forsaken by God. Otherwise, such a wretched thing wouldn’t have happened twice!”

Tears that I had been holding back burst forth. I sobbed uncontrollably, my voice hoarse from the sorrow I poured out.

To change the future, I had made a deal with God using Abigail’s life as collateral. The result was nothing but a pitiful reality of futile effort.

“Alicia, you once said that if the plan failed and Abigail Miller was branded a witch, you would stand at the stake in her place.”

Edwin’s emotionless voice carefully stroked my scorched heart.

“…I will go with you as well. I will set aside all pretense and embrace your blackened body as a mere man, turning to ashes together.”

He spoke. He suggested facing death together. Victor had once sworn with tearful eyes to live out the rest of our days together. The memory of suffering alone, deceived by that lowly vow, was still so vivid.

“If the plan succeeds, we will live out the rest of our days together, and if it fails, I will face death with you. I will not leave you alone, no matter what happens.”

Even though I had resolved never to trust a man’s vow again. How treacherous humans are. Despite my hardened resolve, I still wanted to hope one more time.

“So, do not fear or feel sorrow anymore. I will stay by your side…”

Holding back tears and nodding my head, the curtain that had been firmly drawn slowly lifted.

Through the palm-sized window, Edwin’s long fingers reached out.

I quietly looked up at his tender touch and gently pressed my tear-streaked cheek against his palm. Rubbing my cheek against him like a wounded animal, my gloomy mood seemed to lighten slightly.