Chapter 17: The Informant (1)

“A little stray cat, I hear, has been slipping in and out of the Yeongbin Palace on a regular basis. Hahaha, why such stiff faces, all of you? Come now—smile.”

Father Revencio’s laughter scattered into the heavy silence. From a distance, Lucio clasped his hand over his mouth.

Through the small palm of his hand, I could see his twitching cheek. Was cornering me really that amusing to him?

“I’m not saying I don’t trust you. It’s just that there are two Saintesses residing in the Yeongbin Palace. So be careful… very careful. We can’t have vulgar rumors tarnishing the sacred reputation of the Central Temple.”

The veins on Father Edwin’s left hand bulged. Fearing he might step forward, I quietly reached out and tugged at the edge of his sleeve.

“What I mean is—don’t get caught. If this ever comes to light, you’ll have no choice but to quietly fold your cassocks and leave.”

Father Revencio, who had been laughing heartily, suddenly fixed his gaze on Edwin. The wide grin that had creased his wrinkled face froze stiff in an instant.

“Isn’t that right, Edwin?”

Why did he single out Father Edwin out of over thirty priests? Was it just because Edwin was a thorn in his side? Or… had Lucio really let something slip behind our backs?

“You’re absolutely right, Father.”

Edwin bowed his head politely.

“Yes. Let’s end the conversation here and return. This isn’t exactly the place for such talk—right outside His Majesty the Emperor’s sickbed.”

Father Revencio took the lead, stepping into the corridor. The other priests followed him in line.

In front of the Emperor’s quiet chambers, only Father Edwin and I remained behind.

“Alicia, don’t worry about it. Even if the traitor is revealed, I’ll find a way to cover it up.”

He spoke as if it were nothing, but his expression was unmistakably serious.

“…Father.”

I knew exactly who had spoken to Father Revencio. It had to be Lucio—who clearly disapproved of the relationship between Edwin and me. He must have stirred up trouble out of spite.

He had said he would give me time to think until the end of the Mass, and yet here I was, cornered again without a chance to catch my breath.

“Yes, Alicia.”

He quietly repeated my name, in that calm tone of his. The resentment rose like a lump in my throat.

I’m being blackmailed by seminarian Lucio. He saw everything—how I jumped into Lake Deleta in place of the Saint. He even found out about the forbidden feelings I’ve developed for Father Edwin.

“If we don’t go now, we’ll fall behind the procession. Let’s go.”

I swallowed back the boiling frustration and sorrow. As always, Father Edwin said nothing. Not a word about the reddened scrape on my forehead, or the nail marks deeply etched into the back of my hand.

I had always liked his indifference, his stoic nature. But sometimes… sometimes I wished he could read my heart without needing me to speak. If he could peel back this delicate skin, he’d see how rotten and broken I truly am inside.

***

“…I thought I gave you plenty of time to think. Or was I wrong?”

Lucio, leaning casually against the monastery’s balustrade, lifted the corners of his mouth in a bright, almost cheerful smile.

“Let me ask you just one thing first. You said you’d give me time to think until the end of the mass—so why did you leak that rumor to Father Revencio?”

“Haha, rumor’s a bit of a stretch, don’t you think? I merely gave him a little preview—a warning. I figured you’d be curious to know what might happen if you refused my request.”

Of course it was you. And to think you pushed me to the edge of the cliff over something so petty.

“Judging by your reaction, it seems the warning worked. Hmm… I really don’t like dragging things out. So, are you ready to give me your answer?”

Lucio’s lavender hair fluttered gently in the late summer breeze, brushing near his collarbone.

“Just promise me one thing. If I do what you say… you won’t lay a finger on Father Edwin.”

The smile at Lucio’s lips vanished, replaced by a cold blankness.

“Ah, such a tearjerking forbidden love. How did you even manage to hold back all this time? Don’t tell me… you two have already committed unholy acts here in the monastery?”

“Just answer the question.”

“Hmm… I don’t know. What should I do?”

Lucio casually stroked the tip of his chin.

You have no idea, do you—how many times my heart nearly shattered while you dragged out your words.

“I’ll decide after seeing how you behave. If you say yes now and change your tune later, I’m the one who loses out, aren’t I?”

“I’m not here to play word games with you. Just answer the question already!”

The rage I’d tried so hard to suppress finally burst out. Tears welled in my eyes, and my face flushed hot.

As I raised my voice, Lucio clamped his hand over my mouth and shoved me against the wall.

“…Alicia, do you think this is some kind of negotiation? You’re in no position to choose. If I tell you to do it, you do it. If I say don’t, you don’t. And who gave you permission to run that insolent little mouth of yours?”

A single tear slid down his hand. Only then did he gently release me and speak again.

“When you cry like that, it makes me look like the bad guy. Don’t cry.”

His hand brushing my cheek sent chills through my entire body. When my jaw trembled with fear, he smirked, as if pleased by my reaction.

“Well then. I’ll take that as a ‘yes,’ Alicia. Now, tell me—why did you jump into Lake Deleta, and what’s your reason for conspiring with the golden-haired Saintess?”

His eyes, gleaming with madness, shimmered with curiosity. With a trembling hand, I reached for the holy pendant at my neck. But no matter how tightly I clutched it, the fear wouldn’t go away.

…Oh Lord, what is it that You wish me to choose?

I slid down the wall, collapsing to the ground.

***

Autumn flowers had bloomed early in the monastery garden. I bent down and breathed in their scent. The fresh fragrance of the blossoms gently soothed the rags of my battered heart.

“The cosmos are already in bloom.”

The laughter of children rang through the air. Between the kaleidoscope of petals, glimpses of pure white cassocks could be seen. It was a scene as beautiful as a delicately colored watercolor painting.

“It looks like autumn is coming.”

Just exchanging glances with Edwin made me smile without even realizing it. I hummed a little tune and sat down on the bench. He quietly followed and sat beside me. It seemed the children had picked some flowers while playing—two cosmos blooms had been left on the bench.

“Here, I’ll give you one.”

I handed him a bright pink cosmos flower. To be able to sit side by side with him, enjoying the arrival of autumn… in that moment, I felt like I could die with no regrets.

“…Father, about what you said before… I don’t think I gave you a proper answer then. I want to give you one now.”

Perhaps he sensed the faint tremble in my voice. Lost in thought, Edwin turned to me and asked,

“What are you referring to?”

“You said we should live together. That we should wake up and fall asleep on the same day… You made a vow.”

His silver hair swayed gently in the crisp early autumn breeze. His golden eyes, full of quiet warmth, looked directly into mine.

“…It’s alright to wait to answer. Once everything is resolved, we can decide slowly. There’s no rush.”

“There’s no need to wait until then. I have to tell you now.”

The tune I had been humming quietly turned damp with tears. In the end, I bowed my head. Drip, drip. Teardrops fell through strands of hair and landed softly on the ground.

[Lord Lucio. Please—just one month. Give me only one month, and when the time comes, I’ll tell you everything. For now, please don’t ask me anything.]

[Well, waiting that long is hardly a big ask. But in return, Alicia—you’ll have to grant me one thing I want.]

The one thing Lucio had always watched me for, so intently.

To push Edwin away—by my own hand.

“I don’t want to hear it.”

Edwin was a perceptive man. Just a few tears, and he saw right through me.

If he had ever intended to understand what was inside me, why hadn’t he done it sooner?

Cowardly Alicia. Now, I was starting to resent him.

“…If I hurt you without realizing it, then I want to apologize.”

He was the one apologizing now.

“If I made a mistake, I would lay down my life to make it right. So please—don’t reject me.

Alicia, I don’t want to let you go.”

As if you ever made a mistake.

What you gave me… was salvation.

I brought the dry, crumpled petals in my hand to my lips and pressed a gentle kiss to them. And the words that passed through those withered petals… were a cruel, deliberate lie.

“After thinking about it carefully… I just don’t think it’ll work. I’ve lived my whole life as a duke’s daughter, but if you renounce your priesthood, you’ll be just a commoner, won’t you?”

I whispered those bitter words—just to push him away.

“I refuse to live in such pitiful misery. I’m sorry, but I’ll have to decline. Watching a priest indulge in such foolish delusions… it’s pathetic. And honestly, a little laughable.”

Edwin didn’t say a word for a while after I spoke. He simply gazed down at the cosmos petal I had given him. Then, at last, he opened his mouth.

“…Is it really just about wealth and status?”

No. Even if you were nothing more than a commoner, it wouldn’t matter. I still want you.

“That’s right. It’s not like you were trying to wash away your status by becoming the only son-in-law of a duke’s family… right, Father?”

My heart felt like it was being torn to shreds. But this much should be enough. After saying something so cruel, surely he would never look at me the same way again.

“I promise you this—I won’t ever ask your family for anything. And I’ll never do anything to disgrace you.”

Even so, he didn’t look like he was ready to give up.

“I will give everything I have—do everything in my power—to make sure you live a life of dignity and fulfillment.”

“And how exactly would you do that, Father? Do you have some secret fortune stashed away from before you took your vows?”

I forced a hollow laugh as I looked up at him. The gaze that had always been so unwavering was now twisted in sorrow, like a creature that had just been abandoned. His eyes spoke silently: Don’t leave me. Please… don’t throw me away.

“Are you saying… that no matter how hard I try, it won’t be enough for you?”

“…Yes.”

“Edwin. You’ve probably lived your whole life bathed in bright sunlight. But where I stand—beneath the cliffs—it’s damp, it’s dark… it’s not a place that suits someone like you.”

“Alicia, you’ve never been good at lying, have you?”

The corners of his eyes lifted lightly into a smile. Even as the muscles around his eyes trembled with strain, he forced himself to keep smiling.

“…Then I’ll pretend I didn’t hear what you just said.”

“There’s no use waiting. I’m sorry for being cruel, but I had to draw a clear line.”