Dear Noah.

So much cheerful news to celebrate on this blood-reeking paper.

Your endless kindness makes me sick.

What were you thinking, sending this kind of letter? Did you want me to be sad? Did you want me to be happy?

I don’t know. All I know is that we’re done.

Noah.

Dear Noah.

Noah, who is no longer mine.

I hope you’re doing well.

With my f*cking congratulations, Arinne.

* * *

That was the first and last letter Arinne ever sent to Noah.

“Maybe I really believed you were mine.”

Only the flames in the small pit she’d dug with her own hands illuminated Arinne standing in the dark night.

“Red…”

Firelight flickered over her pale wheat-colored hair. Her chest grew colder as her hair took on a reddish tint like his.

Embers burned holes in her favorite clothes, and the ends of her hair curled as they burned away.

The acrid smoke choked her breath, and her eyes stung until tears welled up naturally.

Arinne opened the stiffest letter on top of the bundle again.

Letters that always began with [My dearest Arinne] and ended with [With longing, your Noah].

Even the last one was a heartbreaking letter of ‘my you’ and ‘your me’.

Starting with that, she dumped everything he’d touched into the fire pit.

Among them were letters Arinne had written to him. Letters written some days in anger, other days in longing.

But letters she could never send.

Her heart, her memories, her lingering attachment. All had aged so long they’d forgotten their original form and become filthy lumps…

Things she’d held onto for so long, unable to throw away, were discarded in an instant and burned up in a flash.

She threw together everything that had once been so precious and watched the fire devour it all dryly, mocking herself.

The f*cking wait had finally come to an end.

‘My gentle salvation, who sparkled like you alone possessed all the world’s light…’

Arinne stayed put until everything she burned crumbled to ash.

This time, truly.

“Goodbye, Noah.”

* * *

Arinne boarded a carriage bound for the capital, bringing only Jo, a maid from the main estate.

“Huff, ugh, hah… Miss…!”

Jo, who had chased after her carrying a bag as big as herself, finally caught her ragged breath once she got in the carriage.

“Why the rush?”

“You said you’d leave me behind if I was late!”

Having spent more than half her life as Arinne’s attendant and maid, Jo had no trouble determining the truth of her words.

Besides, she wasn’t the type to say something like ‘Did I really mean to abandon you?’ even as a lie, so the threat to leave her behind must have been real.

Proving Jo’s guess correct, Arinne curved her lips softly in an uncharacteristic way.

“Miss!”

The lovely orange-haired girl with her hair braided on both sides. Now the only person in the world who could understand Arinne. That was Jo.

“These are Miss’s books, these are Miss’s writing supplies, these are Miss’s…”

She’d packed so much in that short time, even things Arinne couldn’t imagine why she’d brought. Arinne let out a hollow laugh watching Jo unpack her bundle the moment she caught her breath.

“Where are we going?”

“The capital.”

“…Why are we sneaking off to the capital at this hour like we’re running away in the night?”

Jo couldn’t understand why they were taking this cheap private carriage with the worst ride quality instead of the luxury carriage bearing the ducal seal.

And at this late hour. Without anyone knowing… Ah.

“M-Miss? Is this really a midnight escape?!”

Jo soon let out a shriek.

“…”

Arinne closed her mouth when she was uncomfortable or didn’t want to lie. Though she often shut her mouth claiming she couldn’t be bothered to talk anyway.

“I just didn’t want to tell the Duke.”

Arinne said this while pulling back the worn cloth to look out the carriage window.

To go to the capital, she would have had to contact the Duke. Because the Duke was in the capital.

To Arinne, who had grown up alone in the territory without family, her father Duke Marcedea and her brother the young duke were meaningless people she could see or not see.

The time they’d spent apart was far too long to call them family, and she had no energy to spare for people she barely saw a few times a year.

“But everyone will worry when they realize Miss has disappeared. It’s dangerous too. Even this carriage…”

Jo trailed off as she looked around the old, cramped carriage.

“Haah.”

Arinne let out a short sigh.

Though it was a cheap carriage whose wheels barely rolled, she’d hired the coachman—a mercenary—for a hefty sum. He was well-known in the East, so he’d at least get them safely to the capital.

“The fewer people who know the plan, the better. Blabbing ruins even things that should work out.”

Jo’s expression changed colorfully with worry and anticipation, wondering what had possessed her mistress to secretly flee to the capital like this.

“Are you going to see a friend in the capital? A friend you have to meet without the Duke knowing…”

“Would I have friends?”

“You wouldn’t.”

“…”

No matter how true it was, Arinne was dumbfounded by Jo’s immediate agreement. When she stared at Jo silently, Jo quickly lowered her eyes.

It obviously wasn’t because she missed her family, and Arinne didn’t have friends in the capital either, so what was her reason for going? 

Even while reading the room, Jo kept talking with “Then…” showing her determination to find out the reason no matter what.

“Jo. Stop.”

Arinne cut off Jo’s words. Jo’s constant questioning about something she’d naturally learn when they arrived was getting a bit annoying.

Would she be hurt if I honestly told her I wasn’t going to bring you either? Arinne chose her words rather carefully, considering young Jo’s feelings.

“If you weren’t Josephine’s family, I might have sewn that mouth shut long ago.”

“…! That’s too much.”

Jo sulked and closed her mouth, hanging her head.

Jo, known as a tomboy in the East, made frequent mistakes and got scolded often, but she was a child impossible to hate.

Arinne tapped the carriage window several times with her index finger. Tapping something nearby with her fingertips when organizing her thoughts was Arinne’s long-standing habit.

“It’s nothing major.”

Arinne gave Jo a glance, then looked back out the window and said indifferently.

“I’m going to try to get married.”

Jo’s eyes went round at the unexpected words. “Marriage” was decidedly not something that should come from her mouth.

“I thought you were going to live with me forever?!”

That seems like the wrong thing to be surprised about. A small breath escaped Arinne’s lips.

“How could I spend my whole life with you?”

“I was planning to! I’m hurt!”

Women of the Empire usually married when they came of age, or at the latest in their mid-twenties, so Arinne, now approaching her late twenties, had passed the appropriate age some time ago.

Marriage was still considered essential, but there were many who didn’t marry.

Above all, Arinne was the only daughter of Marcedea, who could eat well and live well without bothering with marriage.

No one in the ducal family pressured her to marry, so Jo naturally assumed her mistress wouldn’t marry.

“Miss is going to meet a man? Get married? And leave me behind?”

Marriage from Arinne’s mouth.

“Miss!!”

Jo clutched her own head with a face mixing confusion and shock, crying out “Miss!”

“Nothing to be surprised about. I told you it’s not a big deal.”

“How is this not a big deal? It’s marriage…!”

Before she knew it, Jo’s eyes were brimming with tears.

‘I can’t tell if I have a maid or if I’m the one taking care of her.’

Arinne let out a light sigh and elaborated to appease Jo in her own way.

“No need to think too heavily about it. Everyone gets married at least once. So I just thought, maybe I should try it now too.”

“You don’t think things like ‘I should do it because others do’…”

“…”

“Miss, you don’t care about other people’s lives!!”

Unable to listen anymore, Jo raised her voice.

Arinne raised one eyebrow, then lowered it. She must have lost her fear in her shocked state. Anyway, that child knew her far too well.

“That’s true. But you know me. When I want to try something, I absolutely have to try it. Whether I succeed or fail, I have to try it somehow and see it through to be satisfied.”

“That’s true. Miss can do anything!”

Jo’s expression and voice improved considerably.

Arinne curved her lips slightly, then lowered them, taking in the night scenery changing with the carriage’s speed without emotion as she spoke.

“Actually, Noah’s getting married.”

“Good heavens…!”

Jo quickly covered her mouth with both hands. A moment later and she might have spat out a curse.

If the reason for going to the capital was marriage, and if Noah was the reason she’d decided to marry, Jo felt she could understand her.

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay…”

Arinne let it slip carelessly like talking to herself.

“Can I curse him?”

“No. Don’t.”

And the more she thought about it, the more despicable Noah became.

How much had Arinne cherished that b*stard? Not content with abandoning her mistress and leaving, he’d sent letters for years after leaving, shaking Arinne up.

And now he was marrying another woman! Jo clenched her fists.

“You should at least curse him out to feel better! Pour out every curse word you can think of!!”

“I don’t think that would make me feel better.”

Jo got heated like it was her own business. She grew even more angry on behalf of Arinne, who kept her distance like it wasn’t her concern.

Arinne watched Jo quietly, then said flatly.

“He doesn’t have anyone to take his side like you do. But I have you.”