“What?”

She didn’t ask because she didn’t know his name. He recited his own name over and over, like carving it into memory.

“I know. You’re Marquis Lawrence Carentium.”

“Yes. Lawrence. Lawrence. Lawrence Carentium. Lawrence…, Laurus Carentium.”

It was a sudden, out-of-the-blue exchange of names. Arinne just blinked for a while.

“I consider us friends.”

Arinne’s gaze fixed on him. Following ‘kind,’ the unfamiliar word ‘friend’ made her pupils slowly dilate.

“Friends should be equals, shouldn’t they? I don’t want to be the only one calling someone by their name.”

The Marquis—no, Lawrence—said this with an awkward smile.

“……Alright, friend.”

Why did she want to run away again?

Arinne couldn’t respond to his sincerity with sincerity of her own.

She forced her heavy lips upward into a smile that bordered on fake.

At least it was fortunate. They wouldn’t see each other again, and this moment would soon be forgotten.

“I’ll be going. Take care.”

* * *

‘I consider us friends.’

Arinne climbed into the carriage and mulled over what had just happened.

At first, she thought the Marquis was similar to her. So she judged that if they married, they could become good partners and friends.

Yes, friends. That’s what she wanted too.

The ‘friend’ Arinne spoke of and the ‘friend’ he spoke of were clearly the same word.

But just because they had the same shape and made the same sound didn’t make them the exact same word.

Depending on whose mouth it came from, the temperature and meaning changed.

Like ‘kindness.’

That’s why Arinne’s and Lawrence’s were clearly different.

Lawrence Carentium was a warm, good person. His children were innocent and lovable.

She couldn’t put them on the chopping block for her own greed.

“You were right that marriage was ridiculous. I was being emotional, crazy over news of Noah.”

It had been a clumsy, impulsive trip to the capital, started without deep thought, driven only by her love-hate feelings for Noah and her competitive spirit.

She didn’t even have a proper plan, so naturally nothing went as intended.

Not wanting to admit that, she acted like she wanted to try marriage, attaching all sorts of reasons.

The fine-sounding words about a plausible marriage with a plausible partner were merely excuses to hide her true feelings.

“Miss……”

“If Noah becomes a royal consort and even a duke, I’d need to at least become a marquis’s wife to save face, right? Plus, Marquis Carentium isn’t inferior to Noah……”

If she’d been calmer, she wouldn’t have come to the capital like this, wouldn’t have unintentionally made a ‘friend’ and gotten flustered.

This churning feeling was all her own doing.

“Miss, you’re already a Lady! You’re more impressive than any princess.”

Jo hurried to comfort her.

“Really!”

“Yeah. I know you’re not just saying that.”

She knew, but it wasn’t comforting.

“I wonder if Noah had the ceremony……”

Even thrown into a fire pit, Noah still existed.

Arinne had to finally admit her shabby heart that started with Noah and went to Noah.

Noah was someone who shone uprightly. He always sparkled like he alone possessed the world’s light, and sometimes he felt alien to her.

Loving him made her life brilliant, if only briefly. For the first time because of him, living was enjoyable.

It was good. Really good.

So much. So very much.

‘Arinne, I’ll definitely come back. I’ll become someone worthy of you.’

‘Get lost. Don’t ever come back.’

That’s why Arinne couldn’t hold onto him. Being stagnant—she alone was enough for that.

To her, Noah was light, and he had to move forward. No one in the world could catch light.

“Miss?!”

Sadness became a fierce storm and crashed over Arinne.

Acknowledging her sharp-edged heart one by one, she became unbearably sorrowful.

The pent-up resentment and Noah she couldn’t fully discard flowed out as tears.

“D-don’t cry!!”

She should have clung to him without pride. Should have cried and begged him not to go. Should have thrown a tantrum and insisted he come back with her. 

Should have at least replied to Noah’s letters saying she missed him, still loved him. Should have tried everything she could……

All that remained for Arinne, who sent him away with harsh words, were lingering attachment and regret.

“Hic, sniff.”

Truth was, she wanted to gladly send him off.

But she couldn’t.

Truth was, she wanted to understand him.

But she couldn’t.

The real truth was, she hoped he’d come back. Maybe, just maybe. If his love was sincere. If he heard about her marriage, he might return.

‘Memories don’t disappear. You can’t take them out and throw them away. So pile better things on top and bury them. Bury them like that. To a bottom so deep they can’t be found.’

Noah, who saved her by covering her painful memories, had now become a memory she needed to cover.

Life continuing even without Noah felt sorrowful. She breathed so she had to live, and being alive meant she had to keep living.

The fact that she, who had sent away her mother, Josephine, and even Noah, had to carry on with a withered, twisted life sometimes felt exactly like a lie.

Even if this life were a novel, it couldn’t be like this.

.

.

.

That’s what she’d thought just a few hours ago.

‘How can this be?’

Life was sometimes more dramatic than novels. The world didn’t give her time to rest comfortably.

“……Am I the only one seeing this?”

“I see it too.”

The two small heads poking out from the luggage cart left no room for doubt.

“What do you see, Sir?”

“I see children.”

The fog-soft gray head was Ray, the ebony-black head was Jade.

“……My Lady!!”

The sudden situation made her dizzy. Myle quickly supported her as she swayed weakly.

“Are you alright?”

“No.”

How did they even think to hide in the luggage cart and follow? She was so dumbfounded she couldn’t speak.

“Mmm, are we there??”

Ray, first awakened by the commotion outside, rubbed his sleepy eyes and sat up.

Shaking his head vigorously to shake off sleep, Ray rolled his eyes around.

“Sister!!”

Ray finally spotted Arinne and smiled brightly.

Bravely jumping down from the cart on his own, Ray ran straight to her and hugged her waist.

Ray rubbed his face happily against Arinne’s dress.

“What happened?”

“Well, Ray said to get on……”

The answer came from slightly farther away.

“I couldn’t send Ray alone, so I came along as his guardian.”

Jade, who’d lightly descended from the cart, avoided Arinne’s eyes while pressing down his messy bedhead with his palm.

‘What am I supposed to do with these kids……’

Arinne felt dizzy again and held tight to Myle’s arm to steady herself.

She could only laugh at Jade’s words that he, a nine-year-old, came as Ray’s guardian.

“I apologize, my Lady. This is my oversight.”

Myle, sensing her discomfort, quickly bowed his head. Everyone held their breath and watched her mood.

“This is clearly your responsibility.”

Did no one really notice the children sneaking into the cart? What good were their impressive bearing and sharp appearance? Aside from that, they were all this sloppy.

Haa.

Arinne sighed and gently detached Ray clinging to her waist.

“Sister……?”

Ray looked up at her with round eyes. His face showed confusion at not being hugged back.

Arinne deliberately ignored the child clinging to her.

“Take them back. Right now.”

She spoke coldly to Myle in a low voice.

“……You don’t like that Ray came?”

Before Myle could answer, Ray, who cut in line, whimpered.

Arinne didn’t answer. How could she be happy about this situation? It wasn’t that she disliked Ray coming—she just didn’t have the capacity to consider the children on top of this suddenly overwhelming situation itself.

“……”

“Sister, are you angry? Because Ray did what he wanted?”

Tears welled up in Ray’s eyes. For the first time, her expressionless face felt scary to Ray.

Her demeanor toward the knights was utterly cold. Completely different from how she usually treated him. It seemed like he’d made her angry.

Though he’d hidden in the luggage cart and secretly followed, Ray thought she’d welcome him. She found him cute and often indulged his stubbornness, so while she might be surprised by his actions, he never assumed she’d dislike it.

“I didn’t want to say goodbye, hic, sniff, sob, s-so, so that’s why. Sniff, really, I’m sorry……”

Tears fell just like that, creating several round water marks at Ray’s feet.

“Don’t get angry at my brother!!”

Jade ran over and hid Ray behind his back. Jade glared at Arinne with his guard up, just like when they first met.

“Brotherrr!! Waaah!”

Ray looked at Jade’s back and cried loudly without holding back.

“Don’t cry!! We’re going home now!”

“Hic, brother……”