“So Ray can’t see Mom. She’s dead! Can’t ask Dad. Dad doesn’t like talking about Mom.”

Ray stuck out his lips.

“Ray doesn’t know Mom’s face and nobody talks about her! But I’m curious…”

Dad and his brother, as well as Calon and the servants, all knew his mother, but he himself couldn’t know what she looked like or what kind of person she was, which seemed quite unfair.

‘Is this something I should be hearing?’

Arinne didn’t know how to react.

A mere five-year-old child was talking about his dead mother without a care.

Arinne felt like she was sitting on pins and needles. Her own life and family affairs were already a mess, and suddenly hearing about someone else’s family troubles was difficult.

Arinne was uncomfortable with others. Children especially were harder.

She knew that adults should naturally be generous and kind to children. That was all, though.

She didn’t know what reactions and attitudes to show to their words. When the topic became profound, she felt uncomfortable to the point of wanting to quickly escape the situation.

Arinne always lived with herself at the center. Adjusting herself to others wasn’t Arinne’s thing.

Partly because she’d grown up receiving only consideration and care with only servants around, but even setting that aside, there was no one bold enough to demand discomfort from the daughter of Marcedea.

Not only that, she wasn’t emotionally responsive or warm to others, so she’d never had friends, and she’d even been reserved with Noah, whom she’d loved so much.

What could someone like her say to a child who’d lost a parent, to a child who didn’t even know what sadness was?

“You don’t have a mom?”

“Yeah…”

Still, she didn’t want to say obvious words just to make herself feel better. Half-hearted sympathy only caused wounds.

“I don’t have a mom either.”

So that was all she managed to say.

‘How pathetic…’

Arinne felt embarrassed to the point of disbelief that she was an adult who’d easily lived five times Ray’s age.

It would be nice if only those qualified could grow older.

She’d wondered when she’d become an adult, and before she knew it, she was one.

“Really?! Just like Ray?!”

Ray was purely delighted at finding something in common with Arinne.

“Wow!! Both don’t have moms!!”

Thinking about it and getting even more excited, Ray squealed and sat up straight, bouncing up from leaning against the pillow.

“When did sister lose her mom?”

Ray pressed closer to Arinne and rubbed his head against her arm like an animal, expressing intimacy.

“I think it’s been about twenty years.”

“Hiiik?”

Ray was startled and made both his eyes and mouth round.

“Do you know how long twenty years is?”

“Ray doesn’t know that stuff?”

Ray tilted his head sideways with the same surprised face.

“Why are you surprised if you don’t know?”

“Can’t count twenty on my fingers! Ten is the end! Ray is smart so I know all that!”

Ray spoke proudly and puffed out his chest. He even looked proud.

Arinne let out a short sigh.

“How old are you?”

“Five!”

Ray unhesitatingly spread one hand wide.

That he was five years old, that one hand had five fingers. These were things Ray knew very well.

“Try adding one more of your age.”

Ray, who hesitated briefly, showed his other hand spread out too.

Arinne placed her two hands, spread the same way, next to Ray’s hands.

“You need this much to make twenty. You, who are five, would have to live four times.”

“…Wo-wow! Sister is amazing!”

Ray kept his mouth closed in a smiling shape and rolled his eyes before reacting awkwardly. He clearly hadn’t understood.

“Do you have a dad?”

“Yeah.”

“What about a brother?”

“Um, something similar.”

What kind of conversation was she having with a five-year-old? She couldn’t understand the flow at all.

‘Why would I understand this?’

What was even more absurd was that in the midst of this, she was somewhat communicating with Ray.

Ray’s clumsy way of speaking, dropping particles and using them awkwardly, was interpreted and entered her ears smoothly. Even Arinne herself found it strange that she was understanding everything and responding properly.

“Ray likes sister.”

“I see.”

Arinne didn’t really have anything more to say, so she just patted Ray’s head like petting a small animal.

She didn’t understand why he liked her after meeting just a few times, but still, it wasn’t too burdensome.

“Sister answers when I ask. Don’t know what it means. But really smart.”

Ray, who laughed hee-, snuggled closer to Arinne and acted cute.

“Sister hasn’t had a mom for really, really long! Ray is five!”

“Well, you’re five years old.”

The conversation had somehow returned to talk about mothers again, and Ray continued asking Arinne questions persistently.

“Sister doesn’t know either…”

Whenever Arinne couldn’t answer or hesitated, Ray would draw his own conclusions and make sympathetic eyes.

“Ray never had a mom from the start. So don’t know what moms are like, so not sad. But sister… that’s too bad…”

“No. I’m fine too.”

Arinne responded reluctantly.

Ray, who didn’t seem to hear the answer that she was fine, made an even sadder face, stuck out his lips, and patted the back of Arinne’s hand.

Sympathy from a five-year-old wasn’t pleasant or appreciated.

To Arinne, her mother’s matter was just a hazy thing of the past. What kind of person she was, how much she hurt and grieved after losing her. She didn’t know anymore.

“Having then not having is sad.”

“It’s okay after a long time.”

Arinne began to feel uncomfortable at the child’s pure comfort.

The affection Arinne could endure was shallow and simple ‘liking.’ Anything more was difficult.

“But Dad and Jade are sad?”

“Maybe it hasn’t been long.”

“How long until it’s long?”

“When the sadness feels okay.”

The world was relative and personal. There were few absolutes.

Even if the world said death and separation were sad things, it was fine if the person involved didn’t accept the world’s common definition.

“What’s that?”

Like Ray, who spoke based entirely on himself.

Arinne felt it would be good if Ray could remain a child who never knew the world, who never knew wounds, forever like this.

If Josephine had heard this thought, she surely would have preached at length that there’s no child who grows up without wounds.

If she were alive.

Now that Josephine, her guide, was gone. At times like this, Arinne felt everything was vague.

“Sister!”

Ray pulled on Arinne’s arm.

When Arinne leaned her upper body, Ray spread his hand to make a wall and whispered in her ear.

“Ray will tell you a secret!”

It seemed he’d come up with a clever plan to cheer her up.

“If it’s a secret, it’s better not to say it.”

“Hmph.”

Ray stuck out his lips. It was fine if he sulked like this, but it would be troublesome if he cried.

“What’s the secret?”

Arinne had no choice but to play along with Ray’s secret story.

“Won’t tell. Don’t like you.”

“…”

What am I supposed to do…

Arinne asked again with a sigh mixed in.

“Won’t you tell me?”

“Hmph.”

Ray, who was already sulking, gave the same answer. She tried asking several more times, but was refused every time.

‘Well, don’t if you don’t want to.’

Arinne gave up on playing along.

“You know.”

“…?”

What were children? What were children’s hearts like?

They do what you tell them not to, and don’t do what you tell them to. The desire to go the opposite way wouldn’t be different for adults either…

Children were truly unknowable beings.

“This is a secret…”

Ray, who pressed his soft cheek flat against Arinne’s arm, made a soft, round voice.

“Jade says Mom will come back. Ray thinks that’s a lie.”

“…”

“Can’t meet when dead.”

“…”

Arinne didn’t answer separately. More precisely, she couldn’t answer. Because she felt there were no words she could say.

Arinne thought of the small girl wandering inside herself.

That child also denied her mother’s death like Jade. That child also didn’t really understand death like Ray.

“Have to keep the secret…”

“Okay.”

Ray, who’d been blinking slowly, fell asleep with his face against Arinne’s arm.

Arinne laid Ray’s body properly on the bed and pulled the blanket up to his chest to cover him.

And some time later, the Marquis of Carentium came looking for Arinne with a pale face, accompanied by the butler.

“My lady! Did Ray happen to come here?”

“If you mean Ray…?”

Arinne lowered her gaze to the side. Ray was sleeping soundly beside her with his mouth open.

“Haah. Ray, this kid…”

The Marquis, who’d found Ray, staggered briefly and touched the wall, seemingly relieved.

Behind him, Jade could be seen with slightly swollen eyes.

When Jade made eye contact with Arinne, he hid completely behind the door.

“Jade is very shy. The two children have very different personalities.”

The Marquis, who spoke awkwardly, bent his upper body and put his arms under Ray’s back and legs.

Even though he was holding his own child, his appearance was quite careful and awkward, like he was holding someone else’s child.

At that moment,

“Ah!”