Chapter 10

Despite being called special forces, it wasn’t much different from any other army. When Eria was introduced as a new recruit, the knights murmured. After training and at dinner, they debated how the Commander, who rarely showed up at meals, knew Eria, whether maybe she’d slept with the Deputy Commander, or if she was the daughter of some great noble family. The problem was, they whispered all this right at the table where Eria was eating, loud enough for her to hear. The hazing for the newcomer was intense.

‘Here we go again.’

The new unit was just as unwelcoming to Eria as she was to it. Having to start over on everything she’d endured and built up in Rumic’s army made her feel suddenly exhausted. Eria pretended not to hear and ate quietly, but Kan, sitting across from her, looked troubled. Then, right in the middle of the meal, he stood up.

“Don’t you think you’re being too much, Seniors? Please don’t say such things. You all know better than anyone what name Dame Eria is called by the enemy on the battlefield. She’s talented. She didn’t get in through backdoor deals!”

“What did we do? What do you know, kid?”

“I can hear everything you’re saying. If you seniors set a good example, the new recruits will follow Dame Eria.”

“Where do you get off mouthing off to your seniors? You’ve been hanging around that female knight on the Deputy Commander’s orders for days—are you in love or something? If you want a woman, just take a prisoner! What’s she got, anyway? She doesn’t even look like she’d be any good.”

Eria stared at Kan for a moment. She was used to being ignored and mocked in the army. Everyone accepted it; no one had ever stood up for her. But Kan…

‘Why?’ That was her first thought. He was standing up to seniors just to defend her. Something stirred deep in her chest. She worried he shouldn’t be defying them, but she was grateful, and her nose stung.

“Seniors!”

Eria came to her senses and grabbed Kan’s arm as his voice grew louder. She looked up at him. They might be his seniors, but they weren’t hers. She looked at the one who’d just insulted her with a blank face, then curled her lips into a crooked smile.

“Looks like there’s been a misunderstanding…”

“…”

“I wouldn’t eat a title even if it was forced on me.”

“What?”

“I’m pickier than I look. If that’s mutual, maybe you could stop with the insults about taste.”

Her words drew laughter from those nearby. The one who’d spoken turned red and glared around. Eria stood up.

“Ah.”

As if she was leaving, she stopped and turned to the knights, as if she’d just remembered something.

“If you’re curious about how I got into this unit, I honestly don’t know. If anyone finds out, let me know.”

“…”

“And my skills may not measure up to yours, but if you want a match, I’ll gladly accept. I’d love to see just how good the swordsmanship of the Lohas Empire’s top secret organization is. I imagine you’re curious about my skills, too. I’ll be waiting.”

Everyone just stared at her with their mouths open. Eria bowed slightly to the knights and left. She’d gotten in a good shot, but didn’t feel any better. She had no idea how many more power struggles she’d have to endure. If they looked down on her, they’d do anything to drag her down and haze her.

* * *

Eria met Kan again late at night. Feeling empty because he hadn’t come to see her, she went out for a walk and saw him tending a campfire. Kan looked surprised to see her, then quickly turned away. But in that brief moment, Eria saw Kan’s condition.

“Who did this?”

“…Ah, Dame Eria.”

“What’s with these injuries?”

There was dried blood at the corner of his mouth and a small bruise on his cheek. His skin was so pale and smooth that the wounds stood out.

“It’s nothing. I must have gotten hit wrong during training.”

Kan rubbed his cheek and smiled awkwardly. That was a lie. She could tell who’d done it without asking. This was the army, and rank mattered. Kan had stood up to the seniors at dinner, so of course he’d been bullied while Eria was gone. She was so angry, she hadn’t even considered that. She should have stayed by his side, stuck close to Kan… She regretted her clumsy handling of things.

“Is this why you didn’t come to see me?”

“It’s not a good look. Didn’t you say I was handsome? Now my face is marred…”

“Does that really hide your good looks?”

She found herself joking even in this situation. There was nothing she could do by getting angry. He’d stood up to his seniors, so he’d just set boundaries. If Kan were her direct subordinate, she’d have some leverage, but he wasn’t. It made her furious that she couldn’t do anything for him. Every time she saw the wounds on his face, her heart ached.

“Did you just get hit?”

“…What?”

“Why did you have to defend me? Look at your face!”

Eria sounded angry as she grabbed Kan’s wrist.

“D-Dame Eria?”

“Hit during training, my foot! You’re a terrible liar.”

“Was it that obvious?”

Kan smiled awkwardly.

“Come on.”

Eria led Kan to her tent. He obediently sat on the bed, blinking. Eria gathered medicine for his wounds and stood before him.

“We can’t let it scar.”

Even after getting beaten, Kan smiled. While she was dying inside, he just smiled—was he teasing her?

“Don’t smile.”

“It’s not so bad getting hit if you worry about me, Dame Eria.”

“What? You’re not a pervert, are you?”

“Maybe I am.”

Eria pressed ointment to the wound by Kan’s mouth. He let out a yelp and winced.

“Kan, from now on, don’t get involved in my affairs.”

“…”

“We don’t know how much longer this war will last. Unless you rise up the ranks, you’ll just keep getting bullied by superiors for defending me. I don’t want you to suffer because of me. You were always a good junior to your seniors.”

She remembered how he’d obediently fetched water or ran errands, never realizing he was being used. She was grateful he’d stood up for her, but the aftermath was painful.

“I just think they treat you too…”

“Don’t, no matter how you feel. It’ll only make things harder for you. I can’t do anything for you right now. That’s what’s so frustrating.”

When Eria showed her feelings clearly, Kan stopped himself from saying more and just looked at her. After a moment’s silence, he spoke.

“If I rise up and protect you, is that okay?”

“…How?”

Kan met her gaze and smiled, grabbing her wrist and quickly pulling her onto the bed.

“I’ll do whatever it takes. Shall I try?”

“What?”

“If I suddenly rise up high, will you still like me and worry about me as you do now?”

Caught off guard, Eria was laid on the bed, and as Kan hovered above her, she blinked. Her heart raced—not from excitement, but surprise. His sudden move was so fast. ‘Was this part of special forces training?’ That was her first thought, and when his lips met hers, she snapped back to reality, her face flushing. Only then did she realize what he was doing.

“Are you thinking of something else right now?”

“Something else?”

She was startled, as if he’d read her mind, but feigned ignorance.

“Then answer my question.”

Kan asked again, seriously. Was this the kind of question to ask so seriously? Even if he was only a noble in name, he was still a noble. Eria shifted her eyes, thinking it over, then answered.

“It would be a little unfair if you overtook me, but I don’t like you getting beaten up either. If you can rise up, you should. For your own future.”

“…”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Kan met her gaze.

“So Dame Eria, your answer is… you won’t change?”

“My attitude might change a bit if your status does… but if you don’t change, then I won’t.”

“You’re beautiful, Dame Eria.”

The sensation of his lips, still fresh from their recent touch, made her heart pound. She wasn’t used to it. And ‘beautiful’? Eria had never thought of herself as beautiful. Maybe she’d liked it as a child, but she didn’t remember, and after joining the army, she’d forgotten it completely. She had scars from fierce battles, and a large cut on her chin that still left a faint mark.

And the army tents were built outdoors, so the environment was harsh. She couldn’t bathe often, sometimes going days without washing, so she’d never heard she was beautiful. Among her fellow knights and soldiers, she was covered in blood or dust, and the prisoners from conquered nations probably seemed prettier. Hearing she was beautiful made her heart flutter. She’d thought she’d hate hearing it since taking up the sword, but maybe not. She hated being discriminated against for being a woman, but maybe she wanted to be seen as a woman by someone.

“I hope these beautiful eyes only look at me.”

Kan’s tender words made Eria blink, then she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Kan.”

“…Yes?”

“I’ll accept it.”

“Accept what?”

“The request to take responsibility.”

She wasn’t sure if this feeling was love, but she was definitely drawn to him. As Ter had noticed, her eyes kept going to Kan. So they both wanted each other. After losing the army that had been like family for years, Eria had grown a bit more lenient about life. She could die or lose everything at any moment, so there was no point in holding back or hesitating.

Normally, Eria would have carefully considered whether her feelings were genuine, how accepting him would affect how others saw her, what would be gained or lost, and pondered all those angles before reaching a conclusion. But now, she wanted to follow her heart.

“No second thoughts.”