1. Intimate Secret (Part 2)

Writing a romance novel left her quite distracted. Her body heated up over nothing. Taking a deep breath, Eirin hurriedly moved towards her room, her green dress fluttering behind her.

Alexander lifted one corner of his lips and silently watched her retreating figure, his gaze intense and unrelenting, though Eirin, already rushing up the stairs, was unaware of it.

***

“This is insane.”

I should definitely stop working in the study.

With a soft thud, Eirin threw herself onto her plush bed. Last time, while writing in the study, a maid had come in and startled her, but the maid couldn’t read and there was no worry of her discovering the contents of the notebook.

But today, today… almost getting caught by Alexander of all people.

“Haah.”

Closing her eyes, she remembered his green eyes. The eyes that had stared at her as if they could see through her when he entered the study.

Maybe he didn’t see what I wrote? No matter how close he was to the desk, he wouldn’t have been able to see from that angle. But if he did see… if he did, he would think I’m a crazy woman.

Lady Eirin Hamilton had a peculiar hobby. A hobby she couldn’t tell anyone about.

She spent her nights writing romance novels. She especially enjoyed writing in detail about the affairs between men and women.

She had almost let Alexander catch a glimpse of her very risqué and detailed writing.

This is insane.

As Eirin shook her head in disbelief, a knock sounded on the thick door.

“May I come in?”

At the familiar voice, Eirin sat up. It was Victoria, her tutor and only friend.

“Yes, come in.”

“Eirin.”

“Yes?”

“Have you finished writing? I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bother you, but I’ve been getting a lot of pressure from the other ladies.”

At Victoria’s question, Eirin blushed.

When she first started writing novels, she had shown her writings to Victoria, her only friend. Writing such a risqué novel was definitely not something a lady should do, but it would have been sad if no one read what she had painstakingly written.

What if she said it was childish…?

Contrary to Eirin’s worries, Victoria’s reaction was enthusiastic.

‘It’s so exciting!’

After reading the entire novel, Victoria gripped Eirin’s hand tightly, so much so that there was a creaking sound from the joints of her small hand.

‘It’s fantastic. I can’t keep this kind of writing to myself. How about showing it to other ladies?’

‘Show this writing to other people?’

‘We can’t just keep this wonderful story hidden away. It’s too good, it would be a waste.’

‘That’s ridiculous.’

Surprised, Eirin widened her eyes, but Victoria smiled and continued.

‘I know a printer. We can print a small number of copies, I’ll try selling it through other tutors.’

‘Do you think that’s alright? What if someone finds out?’

‘It mustn’t happen. No one can know. This is something a lady of noble birth must never do. So, we’ll keep it strictly confidential. Just between you and me. If anyone asks, I’ll say I wrote it. I have no reputation to lose.’

Initially hesitant, Eirin eventually agreed to publish her book, swayed by Victoria’s persistent persuasion that her writing could bring a bit of joy to others’ dull lives.

Something she had never dreamed of started progressing rapidly. The manuscript given to the printer was sold through other tutors to noble ladies and madams, thanks to Victoria’s resourcefulness. It even became popular among maids who could read a little.

Rumors spread like wildfire, and Eirin’s novel, ‘The Pleasure of the First Night’, was causing quite a stir among not just the ladies of the surrounding estates, but women all across the country. Now, many readers were eagerly awaiting its sequel.

“The mailbox we set up is overflowing with letters. They’re asking where the author has gone and why last month’s anticipated book hasn’t been released yet.”

“Um…”

At Victoria’s subtle urging, Eirin smiled awkwardly.

She had written the first book almost in a trance, without any pressure. Since it wasn’t initially intended to be shown to anyone, she could write whatever she wanted. 

But after the first book’s success, the pressure became overwhelming. The fear of others reading her work and the anxiety of potentially disappointing them reduced her daily writing output to less than a tenth of what it used to be. Over a month had passed since she announced the second book, but she had only managed to write the beginning.

Eirin chuckled bitterly.

“I can’t seem to think of anything. I have no new ideas and I don’t know what to write.”

“But you did so well with the first one.”

“Yes, but… that was based on what I’ve read in books. But now that it’s successful, the pressure is too much. I lack experience, so my imagination has its limits.”

Trying to write a romance novel without ever having had a proper conversation with a man was proving difficult. She continued, almost to herself.

“I need experience.”

Victoria’s eyes widened in shock at Eirin’s wistful comment.

“Surely you don’t mean you want that kind of experience?”

“No, of course not! I didn’t mean it like that.”

At Victoria’s words, Eirin jumped. The acts described in her novels were things a proper lady shouldn’t even write about, let alone experience. They were so scandalous and secretive.

Just thinking about it made her blush deeply.

Experience that? Me? Absolutely not.

While she had heard of unmarried women living promiscuously, it was a distant story from Eirin’s reality. She had been taught incessantly that a proper lady must never behave that way, and, more importantly, she lacked the courage to cross that forbidden line.

Besides, she didn’t have a man.

“It was just something I said… Sigh. I don’t know.”

All she could do was express her confusion. With a sigh, she rested her face in her hands. While experiencing it firsthand was out of the question, she longed to hear about someone else’s real-life experiences. However, there was no one around who could share such stories. Victoria, like herself, had never had any experience with men. Since they were both teenagers, after Victoria became her tutor, Eirin and Victoria had always been there for each other.

Would it have been easier if I had married?

If I had actually had relationships with men, I could have written more smoothly.

But who would I have married? 

The men who had approached her so far were either after her money or too dim-witted. Finding a decent man in this region was difficult. 

Among the intelligent and clever men, the only one who ever spoke to me was…

Eirin could vividly recall Alexander’s sharp nose and slanted smile. His dangerously sparkling green eyes and smooth jawline made her involuntarily swallow. For a moment, Alexander’s face flashed before her eyes.

Why did he suddenly come to mind?

Alexander, her brother’s friend, always showed Eirin a certain kindness. Whenever a ball was held, Eirin would find herself leaning against the wall, sipping her drink alone. Then someone would approach her, and invariably, it would be Alexander.

‘Alone again?’

‘Alexander.’

‘If you enjoy solitude so much, why bother coming to the ball at all?’

‘I have no choice. If I don’t attend, Stefan will be upset. I was dragged here.’

When Eirin sighed and complained, Alexander would extend his hand and lean in to whisper.

‘In that case, may I dare to make your dull evening even more tedious with a brief dance?’

Though he teased with a mischievous grin, it was he who filled her time as she stood there, bored and shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

But…

They had gone to boarding school together and had always been like brothers. Years ago, when war broke out in a distant country, Stefan and Alexander had even fought together. So, as friends who depended on each other like family, like brothers, Alexander would have spoken to Eirin, his friend’s sister, like a flower on the wall, out of pity.

That’s all. Nothing more.

Let’s not delude ourselves.

Our relationship is only to that extent. I’m not such a fool as to miss even that. That’s it.

If he had any interest in me, he would have proposed by now.

Trying to read the atmosphere and grasping her fluttering heart, Eirin weakly moved her lips.

“Don’t worry. The talk about experiences was just a joke. I’ll try to speed things up.”

She said with a sigh, and Victoria nodded. Reluctantly, she opened her notebook and put ink back on the nib. Just as she did, a maid entered the room, opening her mouth to speak.

“My Lady, the Duke of Bellaston wishes to see you in the study.”

Duke Bellaston.

Alexander.

Eirin raised an eyebrow.

“Hmm? What is it about?”

“I’m not sure, but he said it’s urgent and would like to see you now.”

Eirin tilted her head slightly at the maid’s words. Although Alexander was currently staying in their mansion, he had never summoned her before. When they did see each other, it was only to sit down together at breakfast or occasionally meet in the parlor for casual conversation.

Strange.

Eirin smoothed down her hair, which had been disheveled by her encounter with him earlier and checked herself carefully in the mirror to ensure she looked presentable before she followed the maid to the study.