“……”
“As long as you don’t drink alcohol.”
Saying that, Assel curved the corners of his mouth. Understanding the meaning of that smile, I hurriedly changed the subject.
“B-by the way……”
“……”
“How much time has passed?”
Fortunately, Assel didn’t mention it anymore. If he had been just a bit more mischievous, I might not have been able to show my face for months.
“About three weeks have passed. It’s been a week since we arrived at the mansion.”
My mouth fell open. I had asked to change the subject, but hearing the answer, I was glad I had asked.
I knew time had passed, but I slept that long? The fact that I was still fine made me newly appreciate the power of magic.
But more than that, I thought of all the work that must have piled up, and realized I was in trouble.
“We were supposed to return within two weeks; this is a problem.”
“Someone from Black Rose already came.”
“It must have been Ilina.”
Because at Black Rose, no one except Ilina knew I was married to the Duke.
“It was a similar name, I think.”
“What did she say?”
“She didn’t say much, just asked to be informed when you woke up and saw you before leaving. Oh, and she also asked me if I drink or smoke.”
At that moment, I doubted my ears.
“Ilina did……?”
Assel nodded, and I was momentarily shocked.
I knew she was bold, but to say such things directly to the person’s face?
‘Come to think of it, she didn’t know it was a contract marriage.’
She must have said it out of concern for me. Imagining Assel’s absurdly contorted expression, I couldn’t help but smile.
“That’s just like her.”
“Are you close?”
“Yes, we’re partners.”
“She did seem quite spirited.”
“I think she was always like that.”
For a while, various conversations flowed between Assel and me. Most were unimportant small talk. Then suddenly, I remembered an important fact I had forgotten.
“So, am I supposed to live here from now on?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“I haven’t even greeted my father properly.”
“Didn’t you already do that?”
Assel asked with a puzzled expression, and I widened my eyes.
“I did before the trip, but I think I should meet him again when moving in. My father will be alone if I leave.”
Assel nodded as if understanding, then murmured quietly:
“……So that’s what family is like.”
I involuntarily flinched at his tone, tinged with a strange loneliness. Come to think of it, this man was deployed to the north at a young age.
I remembered hearing rumors in social circles before my marriage to Alex.
When his father, the previous Emperor, died, Assel’s half-brother Yulisius ascended to the throne. At the same time, he gave Assel the title of Duke along with responsibility for the north, and the crucial mission of exterminating monsters.
It was said to be a mission, but in reality, it was a scheme to eliminate him. Assel was only thirteen at the time.
Almost no one in the Empire was unaware of this fact.
But regardless, Assel survived that battlefield and even returned to the capital as a hero.
Afterward, he displayed exceptional business acumen and created the massive Diamond Trading Company.
If he had wanted, he could have seized control of central politics and threatened the Emperor, but people gossiped that he chose business as a detour because he was conscious of the Emperor’s check.
Having lived in such a brutal family environment, he was clearly ignorant about family affection.
‘And his sister died recently too.’
Perhaps I had taken too much for granted. About the pain he must have experienced.
Stories about frequent fights in the imperial family were commonplace, and the Assel Esteban I had learned about until now was incredibly strong. Despite seeing with my own eyes that this wasn’t the case, the prejudice ingrained in my mind wasn’t easily erased.
But seeing him falter like this made me think I had been too indifferent to him.
I could have paid a little more attention. Why was I so heartless?
‘More than that, I made a thoughtless remark.’
Newly feeling guilty, I felt awkward looking at his face. But I knew that would make him even more uncomfortable.
I looked at him as if nothing was wrong and said:
“Not all families are like that. It’s a matter of how close they are. There are many families in the world that aren’t close, and there are definitely people closer than family.”
“……”
“If I lived with such a person and then had to part ways, I think I would greet them the same way. I would.”
I may have rambled on too much out of embarrassment, but this should be enough, right? Just as I was feeling relieved:
“……Is that so?”
He asked me. His gaze was aloof. I felt a strange sense of disconnect that a man versed in almost all fields wouldn’t know such a trivial thing.
“Of course. It would be the same for you too.”
It was at that moment that Assel’s eyes darkened. Soon, he spoke in a bitter tone:
“……So you’re saying you’ll leave eventually.”
My heart sank.
I hadn’t expected him to speak so bluntly about the issue we had both always known but avoided.
“That’s……”
I felt my breath catch at his yearning gaze.
What should I do with this man?
……No, what should I do with myself?
Even though it was my heart, I had no way of knowing what I wanted to do. Even if I knew, I wasn’t confident it was the right choice.
His kindness, his courtship, all the time we spent together pulled me toward liking him.
‘I do like him.’
But it’s just a simple romantic feeling; is it truly an emotion for someone to entrust my life to?
‘Honestly, I don’t know.’
They say love makes you crazy. That’s why I was afraid. What if I really went crazy?
Would my life be okay like this?
Because of that fear, I kept deceiving and suppressing my emotions. Perhaps claiming not to know was close to an excuse. I didn’t want to be a bad person who deceived him while knowing his feelings, and I was scared.
Even at this moment, I was terrified. My heart was pounding fiercely. My mind turned white like a blank sheet, and no thoughts came.
What should I do, really what should I do?
In the midst of growing concerns, I barely held onto my sanity and opened my mouth.
“……I’m sorry.”
It was regrettable that this was all I could give him in return, but I didn’t have the confidence to make another choice.
Assel’s wounded gaze turned toward me. I tried to avoid that gaze but then gathered my courage and met it.
Still not feeling comfortable, I clenched my fist.
“I’m really sorry to you, but I don’t have the luxury right now.”
If I can’t become the family head, the world will point fingers at me. I’ll be a daughter my father is ashamed of, and the honor of House Ophelia will remain tarnished because of me.
I hated that terribly. I didn’t have the courage to face being such a worthless person. I didn’t want to live like that either.
Perhaps this relationship should never have started in the first place.
Now we’ve come too far to go back.
“So can’t you just… pretend not to know me?”
Saying those words, my throat somehow felt choked. But I deliberately maintained a calm voice.
“Let’s just live like this for six years. Elysion does follow me well anyway……”
It was at that moment. He rose from his seat. Before I could finish speaking, he stared into my eyes.
His red eyes held a light I had never seen before.
A low, moist voice flowed from between his lips.
“Do you dislike me?”
“……”
“If you dislike me, please just say so.”
“……”
“Then I won’t have useless expectations anymore.”
My heart ached. I wanted to refute. No, it’s not that I dislike you at all.
But at the same time, I absolutely couldn’t say I loved him. Because that would be crossing a line, and there would be no turning back.
Perhaps that’s why. In the end, I had no choice but to be cold to him.
“I……”
“……”
“I… don’t love you.”
At my confession, his pupils trembled, losing their focus. As if he didn’t want to believe the confession that came from between my lips.
Soon he shook his head. His reddened eyes and blank expression were something I had never seen before in him, who was always perfect.
For a while, he stared blankly at me and the empty air alternately, then slowly opened his mouth. A resentful voice spread through the air from his lips.
“……Then why didn’t you push me away?”
“……”
“When I kissed you at the Ophelia mansion.”
Assel was clearly referring to when I called him to the mansion to announce our marriage to my father and Josh.
After pondering for a moment at his question, I answered:
“Because I liked it.”
Then his eyes widened.
“What did you just……”
“You saved me, right? Then didn’t you hear? That I like you.”
After spitting out the emotions I had been suppressing, I felt relieved. I also felt an inexplicable fear, but honestly, I wasn’t sure about that.
“But it’s not love.”
“What does that……”
He made a confused expression. It was clear that he didn’t make much distinction between liking and loving.
‘Is that how men usually are?’
After a fleeting thought, I pondered briefly and added an explanation:
“I’m saying let’s date during the six years of our contract marriage.”
“……?”
“I’ll say it formally. Let’s date, the two of us.”
“……??”
Assel looked genuinely dumbfounded.
‘Why? What went wrong?’
As I looked at him, not understanding his lack of response, he asked as if wondering if I was serious:
“Is that possible?”
He rose from his seat and met my eyes while declaring this. At that moment, when I met his gaze, I felt my legs weaken involuntarily.
In his gaze fixed on me, I felt a sticky obsession. Like the gaze of a predator with prey in sight.
“What? Of course I’m serious……”
A gaze suggesting that if I tried to run from him, he would somehow catch me and bind me to his side.
Just as I was about to shrink back, he approached me closely and sighed. His hot breath touched my nape, making me shiver.
“……was.”
My words weren’t completed. Before that, with a smirk curving his lips, he whispered lowly:
“Honestly, it doesn’t make sense.”
“……”
“If we date for six years, I’ll go crazy with how much I like you?”
I had to widen my eyes.
‘Wait, this self-absorption seems familiar?’
Moreover, looking straight into my eyes like this, he surely knows I’m weak to his face and is doing this deliberately?
While I was frozen in surprise, suddenly his arm strongly wrapped around my waist and pulled me to him.
“……!”
My face suddenly drew closer to his, and before I could avoid it, something soft pressed against my lips.
Pressing down lightly like stamping a seal, asking for permission, then digging in between and entangling deeply.
“……Huk.”
A strange sound involuntarily flowed from between my lips. At that sound, the corners of Assel’s lips curved, and then he looked at me.
Right after our lips parted, what met me were eyes darkened with greed. With languidly relaxed eyes, he persistently stared at me and brought his finger to my lips.
“……Responding like this.”
Then, as he pressed down as if admonishing, my lips, wet with saliva, were helplessly crushed, bringing a heated sensation.
“……Huh.”
Looking at me like that, he curled up the corners of his lips.
“After six years, are you really confident?”
I read a persistent greed in his eyes looking down at me.
“That you won’t divorce me.”
The price for not answering was devastating.
By this point, I was confused.
Is the man before me really the same man I’ve known all along?
The usual Assel would pretend to be calm with a brief answer saying he understood. He was a man skilled at hiding his emotions to the point where I would forget he had been moved.
Perhaps because he was a man overflowing with consideration for me as naturally as breathing? I had never imagined him acting like this.
“Hah……”
He gently nibbled on my lips without hurting them, and the movement entering between them was incredibly wet.
But I didn’t dislike it. Foolishly, my body couldn’t refuse the intense pleasure he gave.
Everywhere we intertwined tasted sweet. Each of his small movements became a stimulus that swept over me.
The sounds that occasionally flowed out, unable to bear the stimulation, blatantly revealed that I was responding to him. I lowered my head, unable to look with open eyes, but he grabbed my chin and lifted it, making me meet his eyes.
His gaze, unlike mine, was incredibly calm.
“……”
The temperature difference was unfamiliar yet made my heart pound enough to burst.
He was in a shirt, but the arms that imprisoned me bulged with muscles that seemed about to burst through the shirt, revealing they were trained through exercise.
Being trapped in those reliable arms, in his embrace at this moment, I felt anxious as if I might plunge into the abyss, yet simultaneously cozy.
Couldn’t I just bury myself here like this?
The fact that I had unknowingly made this man a sanctuary for my heart.
Even though I was someone who didn’t like relying on others, I did. This man was that trustworthy, and he always considered me one step ahead.
Perhaps I had been too harsh on him?
Soon our lips parted, and as his lips messed with my nape, I hugged the back of his head and pulled him to me. It was an impulsive movement.
But somehow, I wanted to hug him.
Soon he looked at me with surprised eyes, and I whispered in his ear:
“Are we just going to keep doing this here?”
He frowned as if asking what I meant, and I gathered my courage and whispered:
“……Let’s go to the bedroom.”
At that moment, his eyes widened greatly.
I had to lower my head as my face burned even after saying it myself.
Was this how he felt when he asked me to go to the carriage? I realized for the first time how much courage it takes to reach out, though grasping or rejecting an extended hand isn’t that difficult.
This difficult thing was what this man had been doing silently and continuously. Despite receiving my steadfast rejection each time.
I felt newly sorry for Assel. I wanted to help him, but I was afraid of myself settling for reality.
In that endless cycle of conflict, I finally lost my direction.
I neither confirmed my feelings for him nor completely detached emotionally. It was closer to the former, but my heart weighed between the two countless times.
So this was just a momentary attraction.
“……Can you take responsibility for those words?”
At his testing words, I smiled.
“Because we’re dating.”
He looked at me with an incredulous gaze.
“Maintaining that stance will only make things harder for you.”
“I look forward to seeing how hard you’ll make it for me.”
Ridiculously, even in this situation, my voice trembled. The man before me was just like wine. When taking one sip, two sips, one can maintain a decent appearance, but gradually, as one drinks more, one becomes intoxicated and unable to control oneself.
I realized my ankle was already deeply sunk in the swamp that was him, but it was already too late. I shouldn’t have accepted his marriage proposal back then.
It was a regret I had carved countless times, but contradictorily, each time I regretted it, the swamp pulled me even deeper.
I fear the day will come when I’ll be completely submerged. Though it’s useless in the current situation.
He put his hands on my nape and inner thigh and lifted me. If the servants saw us outside, they would probably see a husband moving his frail wife, but the reality was different.
Eventually reaching the bedroom, he closed the door, strode in, and laid me on the large bed. The soft sensation embraced my back, and he, having loosened his cravat, positioned himself above me in a shirt with a couple of buttons undone.
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bluemoon238
Does she actually realize the messages she sending him? Please don’t have some kind of memory issues nonsense or density where they don’t understand tones and language said later. They are parr of noble society and are trained to deal with language cues. She dared the man to make her fall. Hope she’s prepared.