The earliest memory I have is sitting alone in a mansion so silent it seemed everyone was asleep. I don’t remember exactly how old I was. From the moment I was born, the time I spent here was usually like that.

The same went for the mansion’s servants. Even when passing by, they walked on tiptoe. When Mother was around, I could feel them holding their breath with their heads deeply bowed.

The only people allowed to make noise here were Mother and me. But Mother was generally a woman of few words. She always asked me the same question with a cold face.

“So you still don’t understand?”

That gaze was always frigid. Like someone born that way from birth. Each time, I shrank back and shook my head.

“…I don’t know, Mother.”

Mother tried to teach me many things. All knowledge related to magic. Learning was endless, as always. When I learned one thing, Mother demanded ten.

I didn’t want to disappoint her. I somehow came back with the answers Mother wanted. But at times like this, I found it difficult to know how to respond.

“Look again! You really don’t see anything? Not a single truth written here?”

Mother held out a book to me. She told me to read what was written inside. Even if I wanted to read it, I couldn’t. All that was there were blank pages.

“I really don’t see anything. I’m sorry….”

“You can’t see the truth written here? How can you be so dull! You’re the failure I gave birth to! Do you know how much humiliation I endured after bearing you? Living with undeserved sins on my chest, called a symbol of infidelity and immorality! How can you repay me like this? If you have a mouth, speak!”

Father didn’t often come to the mansion where Mother and I lived. From what I heard, he usually spent time at the Mage Tower or somewhere other than this mansion. When Father wasn’t around, Mother would be sad or angry. And naturally, the target of that anger was me.

“Ahhhhh! Die! If you’re going to live like this, just die! If I’d known it would be like this, I wouldn’t have given birth to something like you!”

Mother’s indiscriminate violence would follow. Each time, I curled up silently. When even that didn’t satisfy her anger, I had to be locked in a pitch-black closet without a speck of light.

I didn’t know how much time I had to spend there. I just held my hungry stomach and kept my eyes closed, and eventually the door would open.

“Ah….”

Mother propped me up when I kept collapsing, too weak to even stand. And only then would she whisper in a softer tone than usual.

“I’m doing all this for you. You know that, right? You need to become an unprecedentedly powerful mage. Then all the world’s praise will pour onto you. You want that too, don’t you?”

From Mother when she said such things came an unbearable stench. Her white skin would burn black, transforming into a grotesque appearance like she wasn’t of this world.

All I could do then was cover my mouth with my hand and suppress the nausea that threatened to rise.

After enduring such difficult times, Mother would go into her room for a while and not come out. In the empty room, she would plead with someone unknown.

“How long do I have to live like this? Each day hurts and pains me like walking on a blade’s edge. How long must I suffer!”

[You’ve done well so far. It’ll end soon. All of this is for your child.]

It was definitely an empty room. Yet a strange man’s voice continued. It was creepily sweet and affectionate. When Mother was like this, the servants would gossip among themselves.

“She’s doing it again? When will that madness ever settle down?”

“Look at her talking to herself. Isn’t it really creepy? That’s probably why the master doesn’t visit here.”

“I heard from the gardener that he had a woman he loved from when they got married? That’s why he brought another woman into the annex even though the mistress is right here.”

“I saw the second young master passing by last time, and he’s the spitting image of the master. How lovely he is.”

“Compared to him, our young master is….”

Several pairs of eyes turned toward me simultaneously. They shut their mouths tight and stared at me. Silence descended, but I wasn’t stupid enough not to understand the meaning in those gazes.

‘Symbol of infidelity and immorality….’

My appearance didn’t resemble Mother or Father at all. My hair, eyes, even my features—nothing matched anyone in the family. People naturally suspected Mother’s infidelity.

“I never did such a thing. You know. You know how hard I worked to have a child!”

Only Father didn’t suspect Mother’s infidelity. But that fact became poison to Mother instead.

“Yes, I know. Your efforts, and that it’s my child. But so what?”

“Don’t you… care about what other people say?”

“Not particularly. Even if it were true, it wouldn’t have mattered.”

Father’s belief wasn’t important to begin with. At this, Mother despaired even more. That day I realized for the first time. That beneath sorrow could lie even greater sorrow.

After that, Mother’s madness rapidly worsened. She became even more obsessed with me and forced learning upon me. She repeated that I needed to become an unprecedented mage, and if so, Father might take interest in her too.

“I understand, I’ll do everything Mother tells me to. So please don’t cry….”

Mother’s face when she said such things looked terribly sad. Like all that unhappiness originated from my existence. If only Mother’s pain could lessen, I could do anything.

Then came a certain day. Recently Mother’s madness had worsened, and she often didn’t come out of her room. At such times, I would read books or wander the garden in front of the mansion.

Walking through the garden as usual, a fluffy blond head popped out from between the bushes. The owner of that head moved very carefully, like plotting something secret.

That head looked around without noticing I was right in front of it. Then a leaf stuck in the hair fell to the ground with a plop. At that moment, our eyes met. The kid’s eyes widened in surprise, then burst into a bright smile.

“Found you! You’re my brother, right?”

I naturally knew this was the child the servants had mentioned. The golden hair sparkling under the sunlight and the amber eyes that curved prettily when smiling resembled Father exactly.

“…Brother?”

“I heard from my nanny. That I have a half-brother. I’ve wanted a brother so badly. Even when I begged Mother to give birth to a brother, she said she couldn’t do that. So I came to find you myself!”

The child’s name was Johnny. He sparkled like sunlight. Like all the light in the world was shining on that child. Unlike gloomy, unpleasant me.

After that, Johnny came to see me often. He just chattered away beside me without doing anything else. What I did all day, what snacks I liked, and what I wanted to learn at the academy. He was curious about everything.

“So what do you want to be when you grow up, brother?”

“A mage stronger than anyone.”

“Besides that? Nothing else?”

“What else should there be?”

“There are so many fun things in the world. Like dating a pretty girlfriend, becoming rich with tons of money, or achieving great accomplishments that go down in history!”

“Nothing. I just need to become an unprecedentedly powerful mage. Because that’s what Mother wants.”

At my words, Johnny tilted his head. Then he burst into a grin.

“Really? You really like your mother, brother. Actually, I do too. Mother has never gotten angry at me. She says she’s grateful I was born even though I have almost no talent as a mage.”

What Johnny said was strange. Mother not getting angry? Being grateful he was born even with almost no talent as a mage?

Such things couldn’t be possible. Our mother was always angry at me. She said there was no meaning to my being born into the world if I didn’t become an unprecedented mage. 

She regretted and resented giving birth to me. Before such a mother, I could only bow my head like a sinner.

“…Why? How is that possible?”

“Obviously because Mother loves me. When you truly love someone, just their existence beside you makes you happy.”

Love. It was somehow an uncomfortable yet unfamiliar word. A strange emotion that pricked at my heart.

Perhaps the reason Johnny and I were so different was because of that thing called love. I suddenly became curious about it.

“How do you do that thing called love?”

“Hmm, how do I explain this? Or do you want to come meet my mother with me? My mother is kind, so she’ll definitely like you just like she likes me.”

I’d never gone beyond this mansion. Mother generally didn’t leave the mansion, and Father didn’t come often. Naturally, the world surrounding me was limited to this mansion and garden.

“Come with me, brother. I’ll show you the way.”

Johnny held out his hand to me. The image of Mother still not coming out after entering her room came to mind. And before my eyes was Johnny with a smile bright like sunlight.

My hesitation was brief. I took Johnny’s hand, drawn to the warmth. More than anything, I wanted to know that emotion called love.

“Follow carefully. The path is narrow.”

The world beyond the garden was fascinating. Johnny knew all the narrow passages that only small animals might use.

“I’m only telling you about this path, brother. I worked hard to find it. I’ve never even told Mother, Father, or my nanny.”

Following Johnny, we came to a beautifully decorated small greenhouse. Through the glass, I saw a woman laughing among colorful flowers. Father was on the opposite side.

He was looking at the woman before him with eyes I’d never seen in my life. The amber eyes that grew coldly distant when looking at our mother now held warm affection.

It was such a shocking sight to me. That Father could smile like that.

“Brother, what’s wrong?”

Johnny looked back at me, frozen in place. Strangely, I couldn’t take a single step forward. I felt like I’d come somewhere I shouldn’t have. Johnny smiled and led my reluctant steps.

“Let’s go. Everyone will welcome you.”

When we reached the greenhouse, the woman who spotted Johnny smiled brightly. Then her gaze touched on me beside him. Her smiling face stiffened slightly.

“Johnny…? That child beside you is….”

“My brother! He said he was curious about the emotion called love, so I brought him. I thought Mother would explain it well.”

“…I see. Is that so?”

Unless you were a fool, you could tell. They didn’t welcome me. From the moment I appeared, both their faces darkened rapidly. A cold silence settled over the place.

“Try this too.”

Johnny’s mother held out a chocolate cookie to me with an awkward smile. Johnny beside her grinned with cookie crumbs all over his mouth.

“Right, brother. This is my favorite snack. Let’s eat together!”