I woke up early the next morning. I’d tossed and turned all night and barely fallen asleep, but it seemed wrong to sleep any longer today. I kicked off the blanket and let out a whimper.

“Am I actually insane? Me, a D*ldo Doctor… that 360-degree aerial rotation pounding technique would be lucky not to break bones.”

What confidence had possessed me yesterday? The aftershock hit me belatedly as time passed.

Of all people, I’d said that to Master—and called him a handsome d*ldo, no less. Only one day had passed, but I was already drowning in regret.

“Should I just run away? I can earn money somehow.”

But the research funding from the Mage Tower was too sweet to give up. Even if I worked outside without sleeping, the reality was I’d struggle to earn half of half of half what I made now.

Moreover, if I ran away from the Mage Tower without properly finishing my contract period, I’d be branded among mages. No one would hire someone like me anywhere.

“Right, since it’s come to this, I’ll try to enjoy it as much as possible. When else will I meet someone as handsome as Master?”

After spending the night with my eyes wide open, I headed to Master’s secret workshop.

“Good morning, Master.”

“Perfect timing. Come here.”

Master beckoned to me. I felt an ominous energy but deliberately ignored it. When I approached, I saw hideously shaped d*ldos scattered across the table.

“What are all these…?”

“I made them based on what I heard yesterday. Today we’ll pick one of these and gather data.”

“You already made all this in one night? No, more than that—are these really the results of referencing what I said?”

I wanted to deny these terrible things before my eyes. I was sure I’d answered sincerely, but what could I do when he understood everything so completely wrong despite my clear explanations?

“Why, what’s strange about them?”

“Are you seriously asking that? Everything from one to ten is strange…!”

First, the first d*ldo was ridiculously enormous in size, setting aside its bizarre shape. If placed on the floor, it would reach up to my waist. The fortunate thing was that the thickness was somewhat normal.

Is it slightly thicker than my wrist?

I tried to compare the thickness by holding my wrist next to it and accidentally touched the d*ldo. Suddenly, a bright light flashed from the d*ldo and it began growing endlessly.

“Wh-why is it doing this? What did I touch wrong?”

“I set it to grow when it touches human body temperature.”

The d*ldo grew vigorously like a bean sprout. Before long, it burst through the ceiling with a crash, and eventually, I couldn’t even see its tip. I stared at it blankly with my mouth hanging open.

“Why that expression? You said the bigger the better?”

“No, that’s… it wasn’t to this extent! How could anyone realistically put something that big inside a human body?”

This person was supposedly such a great Archmage. He could pull off the world’s most difficult magic effortlessly, yet he was a complete fool about this.

“I figured that might happen, so I made two more.”

At least the second d*ldo looked okay aside from being huge. It was as thick as about five of my forearms combined, but maybe because I’d just seen the d*ldo that burst through the ceiling, it felt somewhat cute.

“This one is at least…”

“I put an interesting setting on this one too.”

“What is it this time…”

Strangely, I felt like I didn’t need to know. But Master brought the giant d*ldo to the wall and pressed a protruding button. The perfectly fine d*ldo suddenly started rotating with a whirring sound.

The speed was so fast I could barely track its movement with my eyes. Then, when he aimed the rotating d*ldo at the wall, it rammed into it with full force.

BOOM—!

For a moment, I thought I’d gone deaf. The wall section that collided with the d*ldo flew off entirely. Beyond the gaping hole was the purple subspace Master had created.

“What on earth is this…”

My head throbbed. I had no idea where to start or what to say. Did this situation make any sense? Had I somehow asked him to make a lethal weapon? 

No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t understand, so I recalled what I’d said yesterday.

“Second is power! If it’s weak, it’s completely useless. And even if it’s a d*ldo, it needs to know how to move like it’s alive!”

I’d definitely said it needed to have overwhelming power and be able to move like something alive. I’d only emphasized those two things, but could those words really be interpreted this way? 

Master looked triumphant at my pale appearance.

“How is it?”

“You’re asking ‘how is it’ after seeing this…?”

Master looked puzzled, wondering what the problem was. I pounded my chest to force out the words that wouldn’t come.

“This is clearly a lethal weapon no matter how you look at it! One hit and you’re dead!”

“It’s not very practical as a lethal weapon.”

“Still, this isn’t right. If you put this out there, we’d be lucky if it’s only used on battlefields!”

When I spoke huffily, Master let out a deep sigh. I was the frustrated one here, but somehow the positions seemed reversed.

“The last one is…”

The moment I saw the bio-d*ldo at the very end, I squeezed my eyes shut.

“I don’t need to see it.”

“Why?”

“This is too…! It’s disgusting yet cute and lovable!”

That’s right. The third d*ldo Master made was a living creature. Its appearance took the form of a male’s precious thing, but overall it was fluffy with pink fur. Moreover, every time I met its large eyes, it made cute sounds.

—Kyuu? Kyukyukkyuu? Kyukyukkyuukyuukkyuu!

Like that. It even swished its tail back and forth, and at the end were two bells attached. I felt like crying now.

That’s not… it can’t be.

If I used that creature as a d*ldo, I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt. How could I do that with such a disgusting yet lovable creature? When I finally looked away, Master frowned.

“Is it that bad?”

“…Yes. It’s so terrible that calling it the worst would be a waste.”

“If it has no value, I’ll have to dispose of it again.”

“What? You’re going to dispose of Kyuryung? How can you say something so cruel!”

“Kyuryung…?”

“I just named it. Because it makes cute crying sounds…!”

Master looked at Kyuryung with disapproving eyes. Then Kyuryung gently closed its sparkling eyes and smiled.

Poor thing.

I blocked the way in case Master might burn Kyuryung right then and there. He let out a deep sigh and looked at me.

“I won’t dispose of it. Then you take care of it.”

“M-me…?”

“Then should I do it?”

“…That’s not it, but.”

“The dormitory doesn’t allow animals, so raise it here. You have to come to my workshop every day anyway.”

Actually, I questioned whether Kyuryung could even be called an animal. Except for the fluffy fur and two eyes, it resembled a man’s symbol too much. With this appearance, taking it outside would be impossible.

“Alright. I’ve never cared for an animal before, but I’ll try to raise it somehow. But… what does Kyuryung eat?”

“How should I know?”

…I sighed involuntarily. Honestly, taking care of just myself was hard enough, and I wondered if it was okay to add another mouth to feed. But I couldn’t help it now that I knew. After hearing about disposal, I couldn’t just turn away.

The matter ended with me taking care of Kyuryung. Now the problem was what to do with those vicious d*ldos. I smiled awkwardly and avoided Master’s gaze.

“Since it’s come to this, it seems difficult to gather data today…”

But Master didn’t seem willing to back down.

“No. You must pick one of those.”

“…Do you think that’s possible?”

“I can’t make any more today. Each one requires more precise design than expected.”

“No, why are you… wasting that precise design ability on something like this? Why…!”

When I whimpered, Master roughly ran his hand through his hair. He too looked like he had a lot on his mind. Then he offered me a new option.

“Fortunately, there’s one other method left.”

“What… is it?”

“Simple. Nothing much. I needed human body practice anyway.”

Human body practice. The very sound of it was terrible. It seemed like he’d conduct some inhumane and unethical experiment.

“No way!”

“Do you even know what it is?”

“You’re going to dissect me, aren’t you? Or turn me into a strange creature. Oh, if you’re planning illegal experiments, I absolutely refuse!”

Master seemed tired of even responding now. He gazed at me intently with a weary expression.

“I made an extra option because you said you didn’t like the d*ldos I made. If I granted your request, you need to make a choice accordingly.”

His tone was gentle, but I felt suppressed anger within it. Stubbornness and tantrums wouldn’t change anything now. Master’s blue eyes had cooled to an icy chill without warmth.

“That human body practice… it’s not really dangerous, right?”

“No. I’m just going to check how the body structure works.”

How exactly would he check the body structure? Would he touch my body? If not that, what other method could there be? I asked in a voice full of suspicion.

“That checking… you’ll do it by touching directly with your hands?”

“If you say you don’t like that either, I won’t touch you at all. Is that okay?”

Master had compromised a lot at this point. It seemed to mean he’d just look without touching. Even that was honestly embarrassing and humiliating, but I felt I should compromise to this extent.

“That… seems okay.”

“Then I’ll understand that as consent. Come this way.”

Where Master stood, a new door that hadn’t been there yesterday had appeared.

“Where’s that?”

“The laboratory. I made it because I thought I’d need it.”

When I opened the door and entered, there was a chair of unknown purpose in the middle of the room. The slightly odd thing was that it looked half-mixed between a chair and a bed to be called a complete chair.

“Sit there.”

No matter how I thought about it, it looked suspicious. But I had no choice now. When I sat on the chair, the back support slowly tilted backward, creating a comfortable position like lying down.

“Should I just stay like this?”

“Right. Nothing difficult, is there?”

“No, not really? But how will you conduct human body practice without touching?”

“You’ll find out gradually. I happen to have quite a few questions.”

Master pulled up one corner of his mouth. I noticed now that his eyes were somehow subtly spinning. Why did I only notice this now? When I tried to run away from instinctive fear, a large hand grabbed my shoulder.

“Where are you going?”

“Well, I suddenly have something urgent…!”

“What could be more urgent than this?”

Master smiled like a villain. Then he said in a gentle voice.

“Devileth, summon.”

Something appeared from thin air. A creature with a semi-transparent interior.

Could it be a slime…?

They said slimes frequently appeared in ‘rifts’ where monsters existed. But a low-level mage like me had no reason to go to rifts. So this was my first time seeing a living, moving slime.

“Is this really a slime? Isn’t it dangerous?”

The suddenly summoned slime yawned widely, opening its mouth as though it had been woken from sleep. Its somewhat blank expression resembled Master.

—Haaaam…

“Well, it was used as a killing weapon before. But it’s fine now.”

“A killing weapon…?”

There was a deeply disturbing phrase before “it’s fine now.” Then wasn’t it dangerous? I still couldn’t figure out what he planned to do with this. Then Master gave the slime a command.

“Devileth, cell division. And restrain.”

Then the indifferent slime’s eyes sparkled.

—Uuuuuaam!

Its semi-transparent body split in half. One of the split slimes crawled up and tightly wrapped around my wrist. I thought I could easily shake it off since it was a slime, but surprisingly, my wrist wouldn’t budge at all. 

When I looked at Master with a flustered face, he shrugged once.