III. The Season When Lisianthus Blooms

The warm southern territory was always surrounded by quiet, peaceful air. The pages of seasons turned slowly too. After the long summer, when one might start growing tired of the brilliance of sunlight filtering through green leaves and the freshness of the atmosphere, delicate colors would begin seeping in from the edge of the forest. Then, at some point, when it was fully colored in late autumn, the beautiful white castle would also be imbued with the gentle autumn hues, like the maple forest surrounding it.

Florencia became pregnant exactly after welcoming two more autumns since settling in the territory.

“Ludwig, look at this!”

The rose seedling they had planted last year had grown quite large. Florencia gazed with wonder at the fully bloomed flower, delighted.

“The tree we planted has flowered. The color is much prettier than summer roses, and the fragrance is better too.”

“You shouldn’t get too close, Laura, you might get hurt by the thorns.”

Though the bright roses caught the eye, Ludwig’s gaze remained fixed solely on her. Her small face, having basked freely in the gentle sunshine throughout spring and summer, was full of vitality. The loveliness of her clear violet eyes and peach-colored cheeks was incomparable to mere roses.

“If you were to fall, it would be truly terrible.”

The well-maintained garden connecting to the maple forest had even terrain and smooth soil, perfect for strolling. But even on flat ground, his concern that she might fall while walking kept his eyes constantly fixed on Florencia. This wasn’t a habit that developed after her pregnancy.

You worry too much, she said, but not seeming to mind, Florencia smiled brightly at him. As she straightened up from bending to smell the flowers, her small white hand habitually caressed around her belly. Her slightly swollen round belly, now noticeable if one looked carefully….. While it was amazing to see the flower tree they planted together grow, the fact that the baby they made together was growing inside her fragile body still felt unreal to him.

Most people considered having a baby after marriage a natural order of life, but Ludwig had been remarkably indifferent to the matter. Though those around him unanimously said how happy he would be to have a baby resembling both of them…….

‘A small life resembling Laura.’

It would certainly be cute.

But…… is it really necessary?

After a year of marriage, Florencia began occasionally bringing up the topic of a baby.

“Ludwig, I want to have a baby this year……”

His answer to her cautious words was always the same.

“I don’t permit it.”

“……”

What baby? You’re still a baby yourself. He would reach out to cup her young wife’s cheeks and kiss her white forehead. Her youthful face, like a girl’s, grew melancholic despite his affectionate kiss, as if deep in thought.

“……You still think I’m inadequate to be a mother, don’t you? Because I know nothing and am clumsy at everything……”

“That’s not it, Laura.”

The main reason was that childbirth was too dangerous. Labor pains, the only pain that even holy power couldn’t alleviate, naturally put great strain on a woman’s body. He had heard that some women suffered from the aftereffects of childbirth experienced in their youth even into old age. Unless it was something he could do in her place, Ludwig had no intention whatsoever of letting Florencia face such danger.

“I’m already sufficiently happy, do you find just the two of us lacking?”

“……No, I’m happy too. But…… I want to have a baby that resembles you, Ludwig.”

A small human resembling himself? The very thought displeased him, automatically furrowing his brow.

“I hate that. Unless it resembled you, perhaps.”

“Would you like that?”

“Well, it would be better than resembling me.”

A baby exactly like you would be very lovable.

“But I already have you, Laura, so why would I need a baby resembling you?”

His beloved wife, Florencia, whom he wouldn’t trade for anything in this world.

To be more honest, there were other complex reasons for not wanting a baby. He thought their current happiness was already perfect beyond measure. There was absolutely no reason to risk disrupting that balance.

Moreover, bringing a person into existence and raising them……

‘Would be completely different from watering and growing a mere flower tree.’

Besides suitable soil and sunlight, one would need to provide sufficient love and teaching to ensure proper growth. His love was already entirely given to Florencia, with no room to divide it in two. Of course, they say love for children differs in nature from that for a lover, but for Ludwig, who had been raised in the Temple from birth, he couldn’t even imagine what kind of feeling that might be. Only one fact was clear: his conviction that he, who didn’t even know who his parents were or whether they had been happy to have him, could never be a good father.

“It’s not your problem, it’s because of me.”

“Because of you, Ludwig?”

Why? Florencia’s eyes widened. He smiled softly and stroked her hair, but didn’t give a definite answer about that.

My Laura, as kind and gentle as an angel.

If I told you I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to love the baby you bear…… how much would you hate me?

He still thought things were best as they were now.

But that firm decision eventually reversed with time.

“That’s not something for you to permit or not, Ludwig.”

Lately, Florencia had been bringing up the topic of a baby more frequently. Though he hadn’t particularly expected her to take his side, Elisabeth responded unexpectedly sharply to the concern he had casually shared.

“Looking at you, you still think of Florencia as a ten-year-old child.”

“Laura is my wife, Elisabeth. It’s natural to worry.”

“Yes, the little girl crying in front of the Temple has grown up to be your wife now. But Lud, you need to know this. Being her husband doesn’t give you the right to decide all of Florencia’s thoughts or actions.”

“……”

“Ludwig, I understand your concern. But Florencia wants to be a mother even accepting those risks. She probably knows well that raising a baby is different from playing house with a doll. So if it’s just because of the danger, shouldn’t your wife’s opinion be prioritized?”

I’ve been away too long, so I should go now, Elisabeth said as she rose from her chair, staring directly into his eyes and delivering a meaningful comment.

“But you, is that really all you’re worried about?”

“……What do you mean?”

Ludwig’s eyes met hers midway as he tried to avoid her gaze like someone whose true feelings had been exposed. Unlike her firm, sharp words just moments ago, Elisabeth’s gaze was unexpectedly gentle. You’re always like this, Ludwig sighed lowly as he shook his head, then slowly opened his mouth.

“Ella, do you think I……”

“Speak.”

“……could be a good parent?”

He had asked the question expecting her to laugh and tease him as usual, but the anticipated mockery didn’t come. A faint smile curved like a crescent moon at the end of Elisabeth’s pretty, prim lips. Her black eyes, bright as the dawn star, twinkled affectionately toward him.

“Well, I don’t know that either.”

“……”

“But what I can tell you for certain, Lud, is that some people don’t think about it at all. You know it’s not uncommon for people to secretly abandon their children at monastery doors right after birth. So the fact that you’re worrying about this means that at least…… you have a higher probability of being a more responsible parent than those people, don’t you think?”

Not long after stopping the contraceptive tea she had been drinking regularly, she became pregnant. To be honest, Ludwig didn’t feel any particular emotion, but seeing Florencia’s joy made his heart warm, like a spring breeze blowing through his soul. The sole goal of his remaining life was to make her happy, and Florencia’s joy was his own happiness.

But…… once morning sickness began, he regretted his decision over and over again. Florencia, who used to eat everything lovingly and well, now struggled to even swallow water. Having to watch her suffer was as painful as tearing his flesh.

“……My stomach feels so bad I really can’t eat, I’m sorry.”

Even when faced with foods she usually enjoyed, Florencia just made a tearful face and shook her head. He searched day and night for anything she might be able to eat, but to no avail. Naturally, seeing his wife like this, he couldn’t eat anything either.

Fortunately, the painful morning sickness soon disappeared, but as the months progressed and her body grew heavier, Florencia struggled even more. Though Elisabeth, who made time to visit despite her busy schedule, blessed her several times, holy power had no effect on the back and pelvic pain caused by pregnancy. Massaging Florencia’s small body as she couldn’t sleep from pain, her eyes brimming with tears, Ludwig acutely felt his own powerlessness.

If he had known it would be like this, he would never have allowed her to have a baby. Even if she wanted it desperately, he would have secretly continued taking contraceptives. He cursed himself for impregnating Florencia. He had heard that though rare these days, there were still tragic cases of women losing their lives in childbirth….. Though “making” the baby had been both their choice, he foolishly found himself blaming others as well.

And now, with the birth approaching, his anxiety about something happening to her reached its peak.

“How is she, Ella?”

“Goodness! You startled me, suddenly appearing like that.”

“She didn’t say anything special?”

“Am I a doctor? She’s still being examined, so wait a bit.”