Elisabeth, coming out of Florencia’s room, grimaced and scolded him. She was spending her rare short vacation from papal duties at their territory. Though she claimed it was because she kept thinking about the plum tarts the duke’s head chef baked at every meal, Ludwig was very grateful knowing it was actually to ease his worries. He could sense that Florencia, despite trying to appear calm, was also growing more anxious as the birth approached.

“The due date has passed, why isn’t the baby coming out? It’ll only make Laura suffer more.”

“They say first births can often be late, that’s what the doctor said. Don’t worry too much.”

“How can someone with such a weak body give birth in the first place? No, does God even have a plan? Why didn’t He create humans so that men would give birth when He created them?”

“How would I know? Why are you asking me?”

Elisabeth’s eyes narrowed at his irreverent outburst.

“Since I can’t ask God directly, I can only complain to His representative.”

“Ugh, you’re really annoying, Ludwig.”

Elisabeth shook her head and passed by him. Should arrest him for blasphemy…… Her voice muttered as she went downstairs.

A new life was born at Duke Fernandid’s residence a week later. Ludwig would never forget that day.

“Get out.”

It was the first time he had seen Florencia in such pain. Though he had stayed by his wife’s side throughout, at some point, Ludwig was driven outside the door. But Florencia’s thin screams that continued to reach him sliced his heart into dozens of pieces. Unable to bear it any longer, when he tried to enter again, Elisabeth firmly blocked his way.

“I told you to stay outside. The baby will come out soon. You can come in then.”

“Move, Ella. Laura is already so fearful, how can you tell me to stay calmly outside while she’s in such pain? I need to be by her side.”

After a moment of silence at his continued protests, Elisabeth slowly opened her mouth.

“Florencia said she doesn’t want you there.”

“……What?”

“She said she doesn’t want you to see her like this.”

She left Ludwig standing there with a shocked face and went back inside.

The time that followed was as painful as being thrown alive into an eternally burning fire. The feeling of helplessness flowed down like thick tar, weighing heavily upon him. If he could take Florencia’s pain right now, he would willingly have become a heretic serving demons.

Most people expressed the joy of becoming parents as overwhelming delight and emotion. Sometimes they expressed it in the meter of beautiful poetry. What kind of feeling might that be, Ludwig sometimes tried to imagine during his solitary contemplation, but…… when the moment actually came, he felt nothing but relief.

“……Ludwig……”

Florencia’s face, calling him in a barely audible voice, was white with exhaustion. Moistening her parched, moving lips with a water-dampened cloth, Ludwig finally felt a lump in his throat.

“……I’m sorry.”

Various inexpressible emotions surged chaotically, choking his throat. He carefully brushed away her fine silver hair, damp with sweat, and whispered just one phrase.

“The baby has the exact same hair as Ludwig.”

Though she looked as if she might lose consciousness at any moment, Florencia smiled with the warmth of freshly brewed tea.

“Your Grace, look. She’s such a beautiful little princess.”

The midwife who had bathed the baby and wrapped her in soft cloth showed her to him, but after a brief glance, Ludwig looked only at Florencia. In that moment, nothing came to mind except relief that he hadn’t lost her.

The baby was very cute.

“Ludwig, isn’t the baby pretty?”

“Yes, she’s pretty and cute.”

Of course a baby born from Florencia would be cute. Looking at the chubby cheeks, tiny hands and feet, and small lips that smelled of sweet milk, he felt a sense of wonder.

But that was all. What if I can’t love this child in the end? From the deep, dark place within him, fundamental fear welled up again. But fortunately, perhaps, he wasn’t given time to worry.

“I want to care for the baby in the same bedroom.”

As was common in most noble families, they had a wet nurse. It was typical for servants to take charge of child-rearing, but Florencia was unusually firm. However, he couldn’t allow her to do so with her already weak body, having just given birth. For that reason, Ludwig naturally became the baby’s primary caregiver.

“……”

It was dawn, with surroundings still dim. Waaah! Awakened from light sleep by the baby’s piercing cry, Ludwig hurriedly approached the crib. Quickly picking up the baby lest Florencia wake up, he quietly closed the door and went out into the hallway.

Why are you crying, he asked in a low, sighing voice while patting the sobbing baby, knowing it was a meaningless question. The parenting book said newborns sleep twenty hours a day, but in reality, she woke up crying every two hours, making him feel cheated by the book’s author.

“Ludwig, I’ll watch the baby tonight so you can sleep comfortably.”

“Absolutely not. Your body has weakened from carrying the baby for ten months, so you need to recover for at least twice that time.”

“But…… you haven’t been sleeping properly every night……”

“I’m fine, I’ve always needed little sleep.”

A corner of his study, once filled with history, philosophy, and theology books, was now filled with parenting books. He had to rely on books for unknown knowledge, but not everything in the parenting books was correct. Even with feeding, bathing, and putting the baby to sleep on schedule, she cried for no reason and stopped for no reason. She would be quiet while being held, but the moment he put her down on the bed, she would burst into tears.

The baby, whose crying had subsided, seemed to think his long hair was an interesting toy and grabbed and pulled it. The strength of those tiny fingers was extremely weak, but quite annoying. It was something he could have easily brushed off, but somehow he couldn’t firmly shake it away.

“I should cut my hair short.”

His long platinum hair remained beautiful, but since the baby’s birth, it had become slightly disheveled unlike before. When the baby grew tired of playing with his hair and fell asleep in his arms, Ludwig looked down at her chubby cheeks and made an empty threat.

“When your hair grows long, I’ll pull it just the same, you little munchkin.”

The fine hair that touched his fingertips felt soft and warm. He pressed his tired eyes once and adjusted his hold to make the baby more comfortable. The dawn moonlight flowing through the large window, peering into the corridor, illuminated his figure in white.

* * *

“……Ouch……”

Hup, Florencia turned her head sideways, swallowing her breath to endure the pain. Ludwig quickly pushed his finger between her small lips to prevent her from biting the tender flesh inside her mouth.

“Ludwig, where’s the baby?”

“In the next room. I left her with the wet nurse for a moment.”

“Yes…… ugh……”

Leaning against the bed’s headboard, Florencia had tears welling in her eyes. Her br*asts, much fuller than before, were firmly engorged and hot, painful even without being touched. Milk that had pooled inside and flowed out formed like dew at the n*pple tips, wetting the thin gown covering her front in round spots.

“How can it hurt so much? We need to wean her quickly.”

Ludwig, who had untied and removed her gown, wrung out a warm, wet cloth from the basin beside them. Just bear it a little, he comforted in a low voice as he applied a warm compress to her swollen br*asts.

“Ah, huu……”

“I heard this helps it get better.”

After removing the cloth, he held her br*asts supportively and began massaging them in circular motions from the outside. Applying subtle pressure with his long fingers and deeply stroking downward, the milk inside seemed to gather toward the center. After massaging for a while, he gently rubbed and stimulated around the n*pples, causing white liquid to bead at the tips. Ludwig took the small n*pple, redder than usual, into his mouth and sucked without hesitation.

“……Huut……”

As he pressed firmly with his large hands, applying strong pressure, the milk pooled inside gradually began to flow out. After sucking for a long time until the firm br*asts softened, Ludwig swallowed it with a gulp. Florencia, feeling very painful, sad, and also guilty toward the baby, burst into tears.

“Sob, Ludwig……”

“Our baby, are you all right?”

After carefully wiping her newly softened br*asts with a dry cloth and fastening her gown, Ludwig held her small body comfortingly and patted her. Whenever he thought about how this fragile woman had endured such difficult childbirth, he felt like he wanted to tear off his own flesh and blood to feed her. I’m sorry, he whispered softly, cupping her face and meticulously kissing from her forehead to her lips for a long time.

After some time, when the pain subsided, Florencia tugged at his sleeve and called softly, “Ludwig.”

“The baby’s name…… what are you thinking?”

“Hmm, do you have something in mind?”

“Well, how about Ella?”

“Is that derived from Elisabeth?”

“Yes…… would it be irreverent to take Her Holiness the Pope’s name?”

There’s no law against it, so if you like it, let’s go with that, Ludwig readily answered, but then noticed her small face filled with disappointment. I thought fathers named their babies…… Florencia muttered in an upset voice.

“The baby was carried painfully by you for ten months and born through your all-day suffering.”

“……”

“What have I done to deserve naming her?”

But since the disappointment didn’t leave her small face, he quickly said:

“……I’ll think about a name.”

* * *