“You already know, don’t you?”

That you’re being used. If she knew, why did she stay by his side?

“I thought you only became close to him a year ago… but judging from this, you must have had interactions before that.”

“He… It may have started that way, but now…”

She opened her mouth as if to defend Bapharos, but there was no confidence in her voice. Perhaps she wanted to believe it herself.

“Don’t trust Bapharos. Once you’re no longer useful, you’ll be nothing more than a pawn with too many secrets. If you don’t want to end up as a corpse found in silence, it’s best to keep your distance.”

She was worried about my relationship with Zetak. In response, I decided to give her some advice. Leaning close, I whispered so softly that only she could hear.

“Bapharos will probably deal with my younger brother.”

Her body stiffened at my words. My mother was undoubtedly stressing the importance of my younger brother to my father. No matter how lazy or dull he might be, the bloodline wasn’t something to be ignored. Bapharos was probably biding his time for now, but eventually he would act.

“Make sure you don’t get involved in this and end up taking the blame.”

As the music ended, I started to release her hand and step away. If she hadn’t tightened her grip on mine, I would have returned to my seat. Did she have more to say? Marienne looked up at me, her expression resolute.

“That’s impossible.”

“……”

“His Highness Bapharos would never leave me.”

“My servant told me the same thing five years ago. And how did that turn out?”

“His Highness Bapharos is nothing like you!”

She dropped all formalities and hissed softly. Though her voice wasn’t loud, probably because she was aware of her surroundings, it carried an unshakable conviction.

“It may have started out that way, but His Highness really cares for me. He really appreciates me!”

“Anyone can pretend to care.”

“Even if it means getting your p*nis bashed in?”

“P-p*nis… what?”

For a moment, the absurdity of her words froze my thoughts. She gritted her teeth and looked up at me with a defiant expression.

“After being tormented by that damned ‘nine times’ nonsense, I got so fed up that I grabbed his p*nis and crushed it. And yet he forgave me. Do you still think he’s just using me?”

“……”

Even Zetak had never done that to me. But she – she actually went through with it?

“You are quite a ruthless woman.”

“His Highness Bapharos said the same thing. Isn’t this world remarkable? He just call a priest, and even something that’s burst like a sausage can be restored.”

‘Sausage…’

Without realising it, I took a step back from her. Somehow the image of her crushing Bapharos’ p*nis flashed through my mind as vividly as if I had seen it myself. Even though I hadn’t witnessed it, the scene was as clear as day.

“M-Marienne…! How could you do this to me?”

…or maybe he couldn’t even speak, just rolled his eyes as he collapsed.

“No matter how awful I am, he always smiles and lets it go. When I get angry, he waits outside until I’ve calmed down. Can you still say with certainty that he’s just using me?”

Marienne, who had been pale and shaken a few moments ago, now had a determined expression on her face. Her eyes were filled with unwavering faith in Bapharos. I realised there was no point in saying more. She would only see what she wanted to see and hear what she wanted to hear. Is that what it’s like to care for someone?

“If you say so, then it seems I have nothing more to say. Follow your convictions.

“I will. Just please tell His Highness that the ‘nine times’ thing was a lie.”

“Very well.”

Only when I had given her a definitive answer did she let go of my hand.

“Before that, let me ask you one thing. When you were asked to recommend Zetak, was there anything else you were told?”

At my question, Marienne tilted her head in thought. After a while she nodded.

“They asked me to ensure that the boy could be placed in Your Highness’s service. They specifically asked me to recommend him to Your Highness’s nurse so that he could become Your Highness’s servant.”

“For what reason?”

Marienne looked up at me with a somewhat sympathetic expression.

“They said he was the first person to elicit an emotional response from Your Highness…”

“……”

“I was told he was the boy Your Highness rescued from the orphanage. I didn’t hear many details, but they said you saved him personally.”

Unexpectedly, her words confirmed it. As I had suspected, the boy was indeed Zetak. But even with this confirmation, no particular thoughts or feelings came to mind.

“They said that having the boy at Your Highness’s side might help you feel emotions. At the time, I had no reason to doubt that. I even thought it would be a good thing for Your Highness…”

“Pretend to be a caring older brother, concerned about his sibling, huh?”

Deceiving an innocent young girl – that was more than enough to achieve his goal. I now understood why Zetak had been placed at my side. All of Bapharos’ siblings had visited the orphanage together. He must have seen me save Zetak. The only child to evoke an emotional response from me. Perhaps he intended to use this boy to infiltrate my defences. He may even have instructed him to kill me if the opportunity arose.

“I know His Highness Bapharos has done bad things. But… I hope you don’t hate him too much. He’s only doing it for his dream…”

“Will you defend him even if he kills my own family in pursuit of his dream?”

At my words, she bit her lip and bowed her head. She knew herself that her reasoning was flawed. I could feel her inner turmoil, the conflict in her heart over her contradictions. Her family had been upright by nature, and growing up in such an environment had probably shaped her character as well.

She wanted to defend the actions of the one she loved, but her conscience wouldn’t let her. She probably wanted to stop him, but couldn’t because of her position. All she could do was watch helplessly, her heart burning with frustration.

“I know. I know I’m being selfish with what I’m saying…”

“……”

“Isn’t it odd? Loving someone makes you act foolishly. Someday, I’ll likely regret being this selfish, but even knowing that, I just can’t seem to stop.”

“It’s the choice you made. If you’re willing to take responsibility, there’s no need to regret it.”

Marienne looked up at me with a blank expression, then suddenly broke into a broad smile.

“I wonder who started calling Your Highness a corpse. You’re so kind.”

“You’re the second person to call me that.”

“The first must have been that servant boy from five years ago, right?”

I didn’t answer, but she nodded as if she already knew the answer.

“It makes sense. You treated him so kindly. He always said Your Highness was kind too.”

“Did you see him separately?”

“No, I didn’t go to the palace very often. At most, when I saw him there occasionally, I would ask how he was, but all he’d talk about was Your Highness. He’d say things like, ‘You seemed in a good mood today,’ ‘You patted him on the head,’ or ‘You caught him when he was about to fall. It was always about you, Your Highness.

“……”

“This is just my opinion, but maybe this boy…”

Maybe he entered the palace just to see Your Highness. Marienne’s voice lacked conviction as she said this. Being a spy and being caught meant certain death. How many people would risk their lives just to meet their saviour? It wasn’t something she wouldn’t have thought of herself, which was probably why her voice lacked strength.

What she was suggesting was something I had thought about in the past – whether he had taken on the role of a spy just to see me. But I had dismissed it as unrealistic. While I had rejected the idea, it seemed that Marienne had not.

“You seem eager to defend this boy. Is it guilt?”

“That’s…”

She lowered her gaze, fidgeting with her fingers. After a moment, she raised her head, her eyes now filled with determination. The hesitation from just moments ago had vanished, replaced by a newfound certainty. What could have gone through her mind to bring about such a transformation?

“Feelings aren’t neatly separated from reason, like a line. Even when we know something is irrational, even when we know it could harm us, they can still drive us to act.”

“Are you saying that’s what the boy felt?”

“That’s just my guess. But there are times when people act even when they know it could lead to their death. I can understand how the boy felt.”

I wondered what kind of expression Zetak was wearing right now. Unfortunately, I couldn’t see his face from where I was. Could it really be that he had entered the palace just to see me? Strangely, my chest felt itchy, as if something was crawling under my skin. I scratched at it, but the feeling wouldn’t go away.

“Even though it was a one-sided affair for the boy… I hope Your Highness finds happiness with the servant boy you now care for. If there ever comes a time when you might part ways, I hope you’ll think it over carefully, many times, before making a decision. For…”

Marienne paused for a moment, choosing her words before continuing.

“Your Highness… well, since you’re struggling to feel emotions, there may be feelings you haven’t recognised yet. I just hope you don’t act rashly and push him away before you understand them.

“I have no intention of pushing him away. He’s someone I want to have by my side for the rest of my life.”

Marienne let out a soft gasp, her cheeks flushing.

“Oh, I wish His Highness Bapharos would say something like that to me…” she murmured with a shy smile.

“I have spoken too much. I guess I saw myself in that boy from five years ago… It made me wonder if I too would be cast aside one day, and I think that fear got to me.”

“If you’re ready to face the outcome, there’s no need to be afraid. Just accept it.”

“Really… who could ever call Your Highness cold?”

She smiled, lifting her skirt in a curtsy and bowing.

“I take my leave now. May laughter fill the days ahead for both of us.”

She turned and walked away without hesitation. Her retreating figure seemed lighter, as if she had cast off a burden. Was it really possible that Zetak had entered the palace just to meet me? If so, how would he have felt working as a spy by my side?

“Your Highness, if… just if… what would you do if I were caught doing something bad to you?”

There had been a time when Zetak had asked me that. At the end of the day, just before I left my room, he had asked the question. The lights were out, so I couldn’t see his face. But his voice had sounded strangely heavy, almost tense.

“What bad thing? Have you done something against me?”

“No. I would never do anything to harm Your Highness. Never.”

“Then why ask such a question?”

“Just… even so…”

“I feel so sorry for Your Highness…”

He had said something strange. I hadn’t given it much thought at the time. It was a suspicious remark, but I dismissed it as something trivial.

“Excuse me? Is it because you accidentally poked me in the eye while washing my hair? If so, don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

“Huh? Oh no, that was on purpose.”

He murmured, almost to himself, as if he thought I wouldn’t hear. A child frustrated enough to deliberately poke the Crown Prince in the eye. It was clear that he didn’t see me as his master. Then again, he was a spy. But if he was a spy, shouldn’t he have been more careful? What was he thinking, poking me in the eye like that? What if he had provoked my anger?

“Well, whether it was on purpose or not, next time use a hand without soap. It stung quite a lot.”

At the time, I thought his apology might have been for poking me in the eye. But now it seemed more to do with his guilt at being a spy. If he felt guilty, as Marienne suggested, could it be because he really cared about me?

When I returned to my seat, Zetak subtly avoided my gaze. What was he thinking? That he remembered everything about the orphanage? That he really had become a spy just to meet me? I waited for him to speak, but in the end he said nothing. Not a word came out of him, not even when the lesson was over.

“Did you know?” 

Back in the dormitory, I was the first to break the silence. Zetak turned to look at me. His eyes were calm, without any visible emotion.

“The events at the orphanage. Do you remember me?”

“And does Your Highness remember?”

I remained silent. Saying that I remembered felt inaccurate. The fragments I remembered were only bits and pieces, and until Marienne mentioned it, I wasn’t even sure it was Zetak. Claiming to remember it all felt strange and insincere. As I remained silent, the corner of Zetak’s lips curled into a faint grin.

“Just as I thought. You don’t really remember. At best, Marienne’s words jogged a vague memory for you. That’s all, isn’t it?”

“Are you upset that I don’t remember?”

“Of course not. When I entered the palace I heard it from the nurse. She said you’d lost your memory because of the shock.”

“What…?”