My eyes widened at the unexpected words. I had thought that my inability to remember those events was simply because they had happened so long ago. What did he mean by losing my memory due to shock? If I had experienced something shocking enough to cause memory loss, the palace physician would have informed me.

“There is no need to force yourself to remember. Just go on living as you have and forget everything.”

“Wait, wait… Wasn’t rescuing you from the orphanage all there was to it? What exactly would be shocking about that?”

“You were young then. Seeing an abusive situation for the first time could be shocking…”

“Are you lying to me?”

“…”

Saying that I was traumatised just by seeing a child being abused? That’s ridiculous. From Zetak’s reaction, it seems he doesn’t want me to remember. What could have been so shocking that I lost my memory? What exactly happened?

“Quite noisy, isn’t it?”

Events at the orphanage. When we arrived at the orphanage, the princesses were sitting at a table in the courtyard having tea. The princes had gone out to explore the grounds. Only Bapharos and I stayed inside. Bapharos probably stayed close to keep an eye on me.

“Noisy? What do you mean?”

Bapharos looked around at my words with a puzzled expression on his face. The orphanage children were gathered in a corner, watching cautiously. They had probably been told by the caretaker to keep quiet. I remember it was unusually quiet for an orphanage full of children.

“Breathing. It bothers me.”

“Ha… I know you don’t like me, but stop complaining. Are you telling me not to breathe?”

Bapharos stood up, clearly irritated, and walked out. I didn’t care. It wasn’t even aimed at him. It came from under the floor. Probably from the basement – the sound of labored breathing, barely holding on. I remember it bothering me because it seemed like it could stop at any moment.

“Let me out… someone, please.”

I heard a voice for the first time. It was faint, as if it could fade away at any moment, but hearing it made me rise from my seat.

“If left alone, they’ll probably go on like this all day.”

I went to where the noise was loudest. I pushed the table aside and rolled up the carpet. There was something blocking the source of the sound, so I moved it. A small door appeared on the floor. As I reached for the handle, someone grabbed my hand.

“Your Highness, what are you doing?”

Someone had clearly stopped me. I couldn’t remember who it was – just a vague image. Blonde hair, extravagantly styled, a sultry smile, make-up so thick it was almost vulgar.

…Lily? Suddenly I remembered the doll pendant Karial had shown me. I couldn’t be sure. Her features were still blurred, as if shrouded in mist. I could clearly remember the rest of the surroundings, but strangely, only her face was erased, left indistinct.

“If you won’t tell me, I’ll find out for myself.”

“Even if I tell you, you’ll find out for yourself anyway, won’t you?”

“True enough. But if you tell me first, at least I can prepare myself mentally. If you don’t, who knows, I might suddenly remember something and faint from shock.”

“….”

“You said my memory was lost due to the shock. Now, just imagine if that memory suddenly came back. I’d fall apart and end up blaming you. If only you’d given me a little clue… And then I’d collapse, hitting my head on the floor. When it cracks open and I start bleeding, maybe then I’ll remember everything…”

“Enough.”

A man who looks like a rock wouldn’t hurt his head… He muttered through clenched teeth. Although he was chastising me, I could see genuine concern in his eyes. Does he really think I’d faint if I remembered? Come to think of it, when did it start – when did he begin to accept the affection I showed him without resistance?

I’m sure he still has feelings of hatred and resentment towards me. But at the same time there is concern and affection. Zetak no longer seemed to be tormented by these conflicting emotions. Instead, he seemed to accept his feelings as they were, without filtering them. Was this a good sign?

“Do you know how long I had been starving back then?”

He spoke suddenly, asking an unexpected question. Was this also some kind of clue? I searched my memory. A child so thin that his ribs protruded, arms so frail that they seemed to snap at the slightest touch. How long would a person have to starve to end up like that?

I’d never experienced such hunger since my reincarnation, so it was hard to estimate. If he hadn’t had a drop of water, he would have died before he became so emaciated. He must have eaten occasionally, whether it was licking the damp from the cellar or catching insects to eat. Perhaps whoever was keeping him fed him from time to time.

“A month, maybe?”

I asked, trying to be generous with my guess. Zetak stared at me for a moment before averting his eyes.

“Two years.”

“What…?”

I couldn’t help but widen my eyes. In my previous life, I’d gone without food for about three months and thought that was the end for me. But two years? Was that even possible? He was a child under ten. Even if he had been fed occasionally, it would have been incredibly difficult for him to survive for two years in that state. He should have died long ago – either from malnutrition or disease.

“Why do you think the Emperor covered up such a serious incident? It was to avoid provoking Your Highness and risking those memories resurfacing. Just forget about it.”

“Covered up…?”

So it’s true that I lost my memory? But what exactly had I seen? I remembered carrying Zetak up the long stairs and leaving him in the temple. Although the memory was fragmented, it didn’t seem particularly shocking at the time.

I felt a little guilty towards Zetak, who seemed to care so much, but maybe it was just that I didn’t care enough to remember. But that didn’t fit with what Zetak had said about the incident being covered up. He even referred to it as a ‘major incident’, which seemed to slip out unintentionally, making it all the more suspicious. It clearly wasn’t just a case of an orphan being mistreated.

After everything he’d said, I couldn’t just ignore it. I had thought about going on my day off, but who cares about classes? As I prepared to leave, Zetak tried to follow me.

“You stay here.”

“Are you going to the orphanage?”

“No. Not yet. First, I need to…”

I’ll have to check the records at the Administration Palace. There’s no point in going anywhere if I don’t even know which orphanage he came from.

“You stay here in the room.”

“I’m coming too.”

There was a hint of concern for me in his voice.

“You really think I’ll collapse if I get my memory back, don’t you?”

“You have indeed collapsed.”

“What…?”

What was he talking about? Had I really collapsed? Had he heard that from the nursemaid too? The more I heard, the less I understood.

Whatever I’d seen in the basement, it was probably no worse than the conditions in the demon realm.

However, I decided to stop arguing with Zetak. There was no need to pour cold water on his concern for me.

This could actually be a good opportunity. I’d go down to the basement, pretend to be shocked and stumble. Then Zetak would support me. He’d ask, “Your Highness, are you all right?” and I’d lean on him, pretending to be weak, maybe even sobbing a little. “Ah, Zetak, my head hurts so much.” It wasn’t a bad scenario.

“Don’t pretend to cry with a blank face.”

What? Why does it feel like I hear this when I actually go through with my plan? Why does Zetak’s voice suddenly sound like this in my head?

“Anyway, I’m not going to the orphanage right now. So just wait in the room.”

“…”

“I said wait.”

Zetach didn’t respond. This stubbornness of his… He must think I’m planning to sneak off to the orphanage without him.

“…Fine. Since when have you ever obeyed my orders properly? Do what you want.”

“If anyone heard you, they’d misunderstand. I’ve always obeyed Your Highness’s orders well.”

Zetach said, following me. If only he could keep quiet, I wouldn’t be tempted to slap him for his words.

“Since you’re so generous with information, how about answering one more question for me?”

I had asked once before, but Zetach hadn’t answered then. Would he tell me now?

“Is what Marienne said true?”

“Which part do you mean?”

“That you took the spy job just to get to know me.”

He stopped suddenly and looked up at me with calm eyes.

“I once wondered if that might be the case. But I dismissed it as unrealistic.”

Zetak said nothing, but his eyes clearly conveyed agreement. I couldn’t understand it. Sure, maybe I had saved his life. But was it worth risking his own life just to see me again? No matter how grateful he was, I couldn’t imagine it was worth it.