“Long ago, there was someone who said similar words to me.”

“What……”

Hess felt an inexplicable heaviness and dissonance as the present situation mixed with memories from her dream. She wanted to leave this space quickly, but Deer’s voice sounded as unstable as a nearly spent candle, making it impossible for her to do so.

“It was when I was very young. During a time when every day was terribly boring… when each day felt like a quagmire.”

“……”

“Suddenly, a woman appeared. Perhaps she was a vision or illusion that only I could see while others couldn’t. Maybe I had lost my mind.”

Deer spoke slowly, as if tracing his memories. Hess knew nothing about his childhood. All she knew was that his dead father, the previous Duke of Castlelot, had been a cold perfectionist.

She had many questions about his childhood but never found the courage to ask them in a relationship where they barely exchanged even small conversations, so she always swallowed her curiosity.

Only he could see her? Had his childhood been so difficult that he saw apparitions?

“That woman said something similar to what you just said. That time is the best medicine, and that things would always get better.”

“……”

“And she told me to sleep well without dreaming. It was strange. Usually people tell you to have good dreams. For some reason, those words particularly stuck with me and wouldn’t fade away.”

“…Well. I don’t think it’s unique enough to be that strange.”

Hess responded curtly, feeling an inexplicable embarrassment. She felt somehow displeased seeing Deer immersed in fond memories while looking at her.

Above all, she found it somehow unpleasant that her words reminded him of someone else. The momentary brightness that flashed in Deer’s eyes made her heart constrict.

The fact that he might like someone had never crossed her mind—not now, not in the past. Since their marriage had been a formal arrangement between families from the beginning, it wouldn’t be surprising if he harbored feelings for someone else.

However, he had acted emotionlessly toward everyone, not just her, and sometimes even more coldly toward others than toward her. She had simply assumed he had no interest in forming deep relationships with anyone.

“You.”

Hess’s face twisted miserably. Looking at the door through which she had entered, she knew he wouldn’t see her expression.

Hess traced the delicate and intricate patterns carved on the door with her eyes. A pain of unfathomable depth was engraved in her heart like those patterns.

It somehow seemed ridiculous that she had waited for him to settle the matter of divorce. If he currently held someone in his heart, he might not want to break the marriage. Maintaining this relationship would be, as always, the quietest option.

Even if there was no such person for him, he would maintain his tranquility by keeping her by his side.

Hess felt as if she had become a hollowed-out, crumbling tree, rotting from within. Her roots had been slowly decaying from a moment she hadn’t even noticed, becoming irreparable.

You’re so cruel to me.

Hess wanted to say this, but instead pressed her lips tightly together and left the room without a word. This time, Deer didn’t stop her.

Her left wrist, which had been gripped earlier, felt sore.

※※※

Hess was reading in the garden. Winter was approaching in Lapelsion. Outside, the sky was already spreading a curtain of cloudy overcast, heralding the coming season.

No matter how close to the fire one sat, it was impossible to block the bone-chilling cold of Lapelsion’s winter that rose from deep within the earth. It was a cold more primal and instinctive than a mere matter of temperature—like the breath of specters that made the back of one’s neck stand on end.

However, once snow began to accumulate thickly, the air actually became slightly less frigid than usual. This was thanks to the slight warmth created by the thick snow preventing heat from escaping.

Lapelsion, with its mountains, castles, and bridges covered in pristine white snow, evoked a mysterious beauty like an unreachable fantasy realm from a distant myth.

Among these places, Witire, the capital of Lapelsion where Hess was located, was undoubtedly the finest. It was not for nothing that it was called the blue heart of the northern Empire.

The tall castles adorned with intricate geometric patterns carved by artisans of bold skill, along with the majestic Lake Shainfil, radiated their exquisite beauty even more when snow fell.

Hess paused her reading and gazed at the cold white ridges of the mountains faintly visible in the distance. The hazy silhouette visible through the misty fog made her sink into deep thought.

It felt like she was the only one left, gazing for a long time.

“My lady. I’ve brought tea.”

Lipi’s voice reached her ears. Hess warmed herself by sipping the tea Lipi had poured.

The gentle scent of lavender tea lingered at the tip of her nose. Lipi’s tea-brewing skills were improving. She had become able to match the temperature and concentration exactly as Hess preferred.

Recently, Hess had been avoiding meetings with Deer.

Though she said she was avoiding him, she didn’t need to make much effort since she rarely encountered Deer outside of mealtimes anyway.

Moreover, they would have to attend the imperial palace banquet together in just a few days, so Hess’s attitude was merely a kind of timid rebellion. Nevertheless, Hess somehow felt uncomfortable facing Deer.

Since that night, Hess felt as if she had been swept into a whirlwind of emotions she couldn’t stop. It was a disaster she had neither seen nor wished for.

After Deer spoke of his memory with some woman who had cared for him in the past, Hess had to disassemble and reassemble everything she knew.

But what he said was merely a catalyst. Hess felt as if she was completely redefining Deer as a being.

Unconsciously, Hess had been trying to separate Deer from any deep, soulful emotional exchange. He had always seemed devoid of emotion, wrapped in a shell of cynicism like someone who felt weary of everything.

Not even he could enter inside his shell. Though it was rude, Hess had thought that the phrase “living simply because one is alive” perfectly described him.

Perhaps what had unconsciously attracted Hess to him since Lake Shainfil was this aspect. He seemed helpless in the face of his own emptiness, and because of that, he seemed to be continuously sinking.

Yet his eyes held a desperate look, as if searching for something unique. Hess knew those eyes well.

Discovering something irreplaceable was an extremely arduous task. Some people never find it in their lifetime, while others discover it easily.

In other words, it had nothing to do with effort.

And even if one found it, whether one could fully possess it was another matter entirely. Life was an endless thirst.

Hess couldn’t understand why he had poured out such emotions upon seeing her, but she thought that someone with those eyes might possess what she was looking for.

Or perhaps they could search for it together.

Once such feelings arose, what remained was an irresistible attraction. Hess couldn’t help but love Deer.

She wished loving him would become a natural thing. And for quite a long time, it truly was.

But Deer was like a mountain range with only ridges remaining, or a book that had lost its words. Though she didn’t want to use such a grandiose expression as “soul,” he truly seemed like someone whose soul had either perished or eroded away.

She could no longer clearly remember what that intense, impulsive, sharply glittering emotion she had felt from him was. But even without such memories, Hess could love Deer sufficiently.

Loving and waiting were what Hess did best.

But five years was not a short time. While emotions arose instinctively, expressing those emotions required one’s own effort. And Hess was now exhausted. Further effort was unnecessary.

Deer treated Hess as he treated himself. Days that neither existed nor didn’t exist repeated and passed by.

Hess couldn’t understand what she had wished for. Had she wanted him to look at her the way she felt about him?

Hess hadn’t been that greedy. She merely, merely wished for his soul to know that it belonged to himself.

But she thought it would be forever impossible. At least until that night, that’s what she had thought.