Chapter 1.2

Dating someone who’d always just been a friend felt like something out of a novel. She worried that if she suddenly suggested dating, they’d grow distant. If Jayden rejected her confession, things would definitely become awkward.

‘Confessing without even knowing how Jayden feels about me would be ridiculous.’

She snorted. No matter how much people say love starts with the one who likes first confessing, she and Jayden had only ever been friends. To suddenly approach him just because she wanted to date felt selfish.

Unable to find an answer, she suddenly craved tea. She shook the call bell. Soon, Ella entered after hearing the bell.

“My Lady, did you call?”

“Could you bring me a cup of Earl Grey?”

“Yes, My Lady.”

Shortly after, Ella brought her tea. She took the cup and sipped. The fragrant bergamot scent filled her mouth pleasantly. Swallowing the tea, her mouth felt dry, perhaps because of the tea’s ingredients, and she frowned slightly as she exhaled deeply.

‘Ever since that incident, I can’t figure out what Jayden is thinking.’

After the incident when she and Jayden were six, he became silent. She remembered that time clearly, even though she was young. It was a terrifying moment, teetering on the edge of life and death. After saving her from falling off a cliff with his small hands, Jayden struggled for a long time.

According to Madame Artre, Jayden had suffered seizures and nightmares afterwards and received intensive treatment from the family doctor. After steady treatment, his seizures improved, but he still had nightmares occasionally. Jayden had told her himself. His taciturn nature continued even after the treatment. His once bright face was shadowed, always gloomy. Even when people encouraged him to smile, he only pretended to smile and soon returned to his usual blank expression.

Seeing Jayden suddenly become so quiet, she spent her adolescence not knowing what he was thinking. She didn’t even know what kind of person he liked.

Judging by how Jayden treated her, she thought he felt nothing more than friendship. He only spoke when necessary, and his face was almost always expressionless when they met. Even when he smiled, it was just a slight curve when greeting or saying goodbye.

‘With Jayden’s attitude, it seems hard to become more than friends.’

She pouted and tapped her teacup with her fingernail. Like playing a xylophone, a clear sound rang out sharply in her ears. Listening to the glass ring for a few seconds, she habitually shook her head. Would it be greedy to hope he’d see her as more than a friend?

If he liked her even a little, he’d probably smile at her more. Like before that day when she almost fell off a cliff at six.

No matter how much he’d saved her, confessing out of nowhere seemed selfish, no matter how many times she thought about it. It was just loneliness, emptiness that made her vaguely wonder about dating Jayden.

And asking if he liked anyone was too random. It would be an absurd question.

‘Huh?’

Thinking of Jayden over and over, her toes curled involuntarily. At the same time, her heart raced. Feeling the heat rise, she touched her cheek. The warmth seeped slowly into her palm, and her cool cheeks turned rosy.

‘Why am I like this?’

She had felt this way often when thinking of Jayden. Was her body reacting just because she imagined his handsome face? Was it like how anyone’s heart flutters when they see someone attractive?

She admitted Jayden was exceptionally good-looking. His chocolate-colored hair looked sweet just by seeing it, and his rosy complexion matched perfectly with his brown hair, his eyes as charming as a rose. His high nose and plump lips were flawless.

When he was a child, his face had been round and cute, but as he grew out of boyhood, the sharp line of his jaw gave off a distinctly masculine charm. Even when he kept a blank expression with that handsome face, his stoicism itself became attractive. She had never imagined dating such a man. If a relationship beyond friendship with Jayden ever came true, she felt she would be incredibly happy.

Although he didn’t talk much and his true feelings were hard to read, she thought he looked after her in his own way. Even if he was strict and rarely smiled when watching over her, he never forgot to give her birthday presents.

‘If I think about it, maybe he really does see me as more than just a friend?’

That thought suddenly sprang up. Maybe Jayden actually had special feelings for her. Not knowing his heart left her frustrated, and her lips pouted for no reason.

A few minutes passed like that.

Still unable to find an answer, she let out a long sigh and picked up her teacup. The tea had gone completely cold.

She gulped it down, thinking that such a consistently serious attitude didn’t suit her nature.

“We see each other so often—if I just try a little harder, who knows? Maybe dating Jayden will come naturally. That’s what books say. You have to live life to know. I believe that. So, I’ll give it a try!”

She lightly set down her teacup and nodded. She even recalled a line from a book, forcing herself to be positive. Having spent so many years cooped up at home, her only friends were Jayden, books, and Ella. After reading so many books, memorable lines naturally stuck in her head, and just now, that particular phrase had come to mind.

She didn’t want to agonize over this problem anymore. She had no desire to meet any man other than Jayden. Other than her father, her real brother, and Jayden, she’d barely interacted with any men, which made her feel uneasy.

So, if she tried, she hoped she could definitely capture Jayden’s heart. It was an impulsive decision, but she resolved not to drag things out any longer and clenched her fist.

‘If I became Jayden’s lover?’

She squeezed her fist tighter and nodded with determination.

***

Before she knew it, darkness had fallen outside. She had just finished dinner and returned to her room. Looking at the full moon in the night sky, she made a wish that things would go well with Jayden. She believed the superstition that wishes made to the moon could come true. She remembered reading that in a book, too.

Soon, she looked away from the moon and sat lightly on the edge of her bed.

But how was she supposed to seduce him?

She thought hard, but the dilemma didn’t last long.

She decided to start by reading a book about romance. She had never read a book about romance before. She thought she’d covered all kinds of genres, but, coincidentally, she’d never touched that area. The books she’d read so far were quite interesting, so she’d never gotten around to reading about romance.

She hadn’t even read adult romance novels. It was natural, since she had just become an adult.

But she already knew there were no adult romance novels in the mansion’s library. Her father had never brought such books into the house, worried that his daughter might read them. He had hinted in advance that there were no adult books in the library.

‘Still, there should be some books about romance.’

Thinking so, she quietly opened the door. First, she checked if any of the staff or her parents were around the hallway. Usually, she would have asked Ella to bring her a book, but this time, she wanted to pick it out herself.

Fortunately, there was no sign of anyone. Only then did she step out. Worried her shoes might make too much noise, she tiptoed out of her room.

She slowly went down the stairs. If she got caught, her father might scold her for not sending Ella instead. If she ran into Ella, she’d definitely insist on fetching the book herself.

She finally reached her destination and stopped in front of the library door. Her feet were numb from walking on tiptoe, but she endured the pain.

She carefully opened the library door so the hinges wouldn’t creak. When it was open just enough for her to slip through, she let go of the handle. She quietly entered on tiptoe and gently closed the door behind her.

‘Romance, romance books…’

Her eyes darted busily. Where was a book about romance?

After a while, she spotted a book with ‘romance’ in the title.

‘For Women Who Want to Date a Wonderful Man?’

As soon as she saw the title, she grabbed it. On the bottom of the cover, it said, ‘A must-read for women who want to date.’

‘I have to read this one for sure.’

Thinking there might be more, she searched with her eyes again. Another book caught her attention: ‘How to Have an Ideal Romance?’ She grabbed that one too.

She decided this would be enough for now and left the library. Luckily, she made it back to her room without being seen.

She sat at her table and picked up the first book she had chosen.

‘For Women Who Want to Date a Wonderful Man.’

She recited the title to herself as she opened the book. Her green eyes focused on each line.

She was engrossed for a while when a particular sentence startled her, and her eyes stopped there.

[If you want an ideal romance, you should also try to have s*x with him.]

‘S-s*x?’

Her eyes grew wide.