<Chapter 3> If Only My Heart Could Be Washed Away by the Rain (Part 3)

Elizabeth walked down the corridor with heavy steps after leaving the drawing room. She had walked thoughtlessly and unconsciously ended up at Kiern’s study instead of her room.

Realizing this belatedly, Elizabeth was startled and tried to leave quickly. It would be troublesome to be seen in her current state.

It was at that moment that she ran into Kiern coming out of the study.

His gaze fixed on her wet clothes and the reddened collarbone visible through the lace. His expression was unreadable. As Elizabeth hastily covered herself, he tilted his head and asked.

“Is getting wet a hobby?”

Elizabeth hurriedly tried to explain that it wasn’t, but Kiern added.

“Or did you come to seduce me?”

His nonchalant tone belied the crude provocation. Elizabeth’s face crumpled. It wasn’t something to hear from the man who had stolen her lips but not accepted her heart.

“I was just passing by.”

“For just passing by, your room is far from here.”

“That’s…….”

Elizabeth couldn’t bring herself to admit that she had come here out of habit and closed her mouth. Kiern let out a deep sigh and pulled her into the study by her wrist.

“Come in for now.”

She thought she should shake him off and leave, but she found herself stepping into the study, feeling pathetic.

Kiern sat Elizabeth on the sofa and retrieved a first aid kit from one side of the study. She watched blankly as he squeezed ointment onto his hand, belatedly stopping him.

“It’s fine. I’ll do it.”

Kiern looked at her wrist, which had stopped him, and muttered in a low voice.

“How would you know where you’re hurt? There’s no mirror here.”

“Still, I’ll do it.”

At her stubborn words, Kiern shrugged and held out his hand. It seemed he was telling her to take the ointment from his hand.

Elizabeth reached out and transferred the ointment from his fingers to hers. Then, as she applied it to the wrong spot, Kiern commented incredulously.

“This isn’t cream, it’s ointment, Ellie.”

“…….”

“And the place you’re hurt is here, not there.”

When Kiern touched her swollen collarbone, she let out a sound without realizing it. Startled by her own voice, she covered her mouth. As Elizabeth glared with a frown, Kiern asked.

“Do you like being stubborn?”

Then he wiped the wrongly applied spot with a handkerchief and squeezed more ointment onto his hand.

He acted as if he had forgotten the kiss from that day, behaving casually and kindly as usual, driving her mad.

Despite that, she hated herself for staying still, or worse, expecting something.

As Elizabeth bit her lower lip and waited for treatment, Kiern’s long fingers touched the wound.

He applied the ointment gently, as if handling something precious. She couldn’t tell if the heat and tingling were from the ointment or from him.

He leisurely applied the ointment, moving from her collarbone to the side and below. His touch went to every place with burn marks.

Though the contact was without intent, Elizabeth wanted to run away.

Why did I come here?

She had resolved not to cross the line, yet here she was, in front of him again, not even thirty minutes later.

In this state, there was nothing wrong with Abigail’s words. She felt nauseous, as if she were in a position she couldn’t be proud of.

After a while, his hand stopped just above her chest. When she sent an anxious look, wondering if he intended to apply it there too, he chuckled and said.

“You can apply it there yourself.”

“…….”

“You weren’t expecting me to do it, were you?”

Kiern teased incredulously, and Elizabeth shook her head vigorously, snatching the ointment from him.

He wiped the ointment from his hand with a handkerchief like a doctor finishing treatment.

Elizabeth paused as she received the ointment. She realized he was using Lady Prairie’s handkerchief.

‘They must have exchanged handkerchiefs.’

Seeing the handkerchief, Elizabeth unconsciously gripped the invitation in her hand. The sound of crumpling paper drew Kiern’s gaze to the invitation.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.”

When she hid it behind her back, Kiern held out his palm as if asking her to hand it over.

“It’s just a simple invitation.”

“What kind of gathering?”

“You don’t need to know that. It’s my business.”

Surprised by her own curt response, she clamped her mouth shut. She glanced at him, trying to hide her embarrassment. He seemed surprised too. His blue eyes widened slightly before returning to normal.

“That’s true.”

Immediately after, Kiern took a cigar from the cigar box and lit it. The acrid smoke mixed with the smell of fire, tickling her nose.

Kiern remained silent as he smoked until the cigar was finished. After smoking about three cigars in succession, Elizabeth couldn’t hold back and stopped him.

“Stop smoking. Why are you smoking so much of something that’s not even good?”

“Whether I smoke cigars or not is none of your business.”

“I’m just worried about you…….”

“Why? After kissing me, do you feel like I’m yours?”

“Kiern!”

When Elizabeth raised her voice, Kiern roughly crushed the lit cigar in the ashtray. A long, thin wisp of smoke rose from the crumpled cigar. He spoke with cold eyes.

“I heard you said you’re leaving the castle.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened at Kiern’s words.

Did the Duke already tell him?

She was at a loss, not knowing when he had heard, and he continued.

“Stella said so, didn’t she? That you seem to want to start a family. So she’s looking into marriage prospects.”

Elizabeth regretted not stopping Stella’s mouth sooner. Of course, she knew it was because Abigail had suddenly appeared, but she was still full of regret.

Perhaps Stella had meant to bring her and him together, but it had the opposite effect. It drove her to the worst of the worst.

“No. It’s just that I can’t stay here any longer.”

“Why? Because of me? Because I didn’t accept you?”

Kiern chuckled and tilted his head. His black hair tilted with him, taking on a cold light. It angered her that he spoke as if joking, knowing everything. Elizabeth blurted out.

“Yes. I can’t stay here because of you. You already know all about my feelings.”

“So what? What should change because I know? Are you saying I should take responsibility now?”

Kiern’s eyes shone sharply like a well-honed blade. She had no intention of asking him to take responsibility, nor did she deserve such treatment. Elizabeth let out the words she had been holding back.

“…I was never meant to stay here forever. I have feelings too. I’m not shameless or strong enough to watch the person I like be with another woman.”

As she spoke, tears welled up, mixing with her voice.

“Why have you been treating me so badly since last time? Sniff. What did I do wrong to you? You could have just rejected me. Why did you kiss me and confuse me? Why did you break me down so I couldn’t stand up and made me feel miserable?”

It felt like a dam that had been holding back water finally burst.

“Kiern, I’m trying to leave because I don’t want to hate you. If I stay by your side, I feel like I’ll end up hating not only you but myself too.”

“…….”

“I can’t live like this.”

Kiern looked momentarily speechless at her tearful confession.

After a moment, he placed his hand on her cheek. His touch brushed past her cheek and held her nape.

Drawn to him helplessly by the force, Elizabeth looked at him with tear-filled eyes. He growled with eyes full of emotions she couldn’t understand.

“So you’re trying to run away. From here, leaving me behind.”

It seemed as if he was hurt. Elizabeth was increasingly confused.

“What?”

Elizabeth couldn’t understand why Kiern was angry. She was leaving because he had rejected her, yet he looked as if he was the one being abandoned.

As she stared blankly, unable to say anything, he smirked.

“Why can’t you live like this? Your mother manages just fine, so why can’t you? What do you want?”

“What do you mean?”

Elizabeth thought his words were strange. For him, Agaphel Castle was a complete home. He wasn’t in a position like hers, living as a guest. So there was no reason for him to see this place as hell like she did.

Yet she didn’t understand why he wore a pained expression as if living in hell. He had no reason to accuse her of trying to run away and leave him.

It was clearly nothing, yet something felt off.

Even as Elizabeth questioned, Kiern kept his mouth shut. His dry gaze was already weary and tired.

Having watched him for a while, she suddenly felt a bad premonition and grabbed his arm, urging him.

“Why do you keep saying such things since the other day? How exactly is my mom living?”

“This time, you don’t say not to insult your mother.”

“That’s…….”

“Are you curious now? What is it that you don’t know?”

Kiern laughed like a child and stroked Elizabeth’s neck. The place where his large hand passed felt as if it had been burned.

The sensation of her neck caught in one hand was like that of a herbivore awaiting death. It felt as if she had become prey, unable to escape.

Elizabeth couldn’t avert her gaze.

She was already captured.

He pulled her even closer. As she was helplessly drawn in, Kiern spoke into her ear.

“Ask Stella directly.”

“…….”

“On the day the Duchess collapsed, what was she doing then?”

“!!”

When Kiern suddenly brought up the day the Duchess died, Elizabeth’s fingertips trembled.

She truly knew nothing about that day. She hadn’t been at Agaphel Castle then. Despite thinking there must be a misunderstanding, an anxiety swept over her, wondering what if it wasn’t.

Kiern released the trembling Elizabeth and leaned back against the sofa. Then he looked down at her and spoke.

“Do you think you can handle it?”

“…….”

“Probably not.”

“…….”

“If you’re afraid, live without knowing anything, as you do now. You’re good at that.”

“I…….”

“Don’t think about leaving the castle. I have no intention of letting you go until I allow it.”

Kiern coolly informed her and got up from his seat. Elizabeth couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t let her go.

After a while, he gently stroked her shoulder. Unlike the threatening moment before, he was like the kind friend he used to be. With such a false demeanor, he tenderly whispered to Elizabeth.

“Ellie, make sure to apply the ointment so it doesn’t get worse.”

With those words, Kiern left the study.

Elizabeth felt as if there was a ringing in her ears. She couldn’t hear any sound clearly. Everything sounded muffled, as if she were underwater.

Even after Kiern left the study, Elizabeth sat there for a long time. When she came to her senses, she was already running madly to Stella’s room.