<Chapter 7> Memories of Blue (Part 4)

“If you want to beg for forgiveness, you should cry and plead in front of me. You should beg, shouldn’t you, Ellie?”

The words, like thorns, mercilessly pierced Elizabeth. Yet she couldn’t pull out those thorns. Because he seemed so pitiful.

It seemed like his unresolved anger and desire for revenge had ruined him. The dignity, honor, and power surrounding him seemed to have made him weaker and weaker.

If only he had announced everything the moment he found out.

If only he had pushed Stella and her into the abyss.

Then he wouldn’t have been struggling this much himself.

She didn’t know what to do with this pitiful man, and it pained her. Elizabeth cupped his cheek with her free hand. As he flinched, she spoke.

“Kiern, stop acting like a bad person. Why are you making it hard on yourself?”

“You’re wrong. I’ve always been this kind of guy. Haven’t you heard the saying, ‘Like father, like son’?”

Kiern brushed off her touch with a low curse, as if even the brief contact was unpleasant. He also let go of the hand he had been holding tightly.

Elizabeth pretended not to be hurt and spoke as she steadied her hand.

“This is right. My mother and I shouldn’t have stayed in that castle from the beginning. We committed a wrong despite receiving too much.”

“What use is all that now? The dead won’t come back. What use is any of that?”

His blue eyes, filled with anger, suddenly took on a sad light. Elizabeth gazed quietly into those eyes.

He was right. The Duchess had crossed a river from which she couldn’t return. And those who made it happen were her mother, Stella, and his father, Duke Agaphel.

To Elizabeth, it didn’t matter who was more at fault. Both the Duke and Stella were guilty beyond weighing on one side.

And as their children, neither she nor Kiern could escape the wages of that sin.

If she left, Elizabeth would probably miss those eyes in the future.

She would think of them every time she saw the blue in the sky, the river, or the flowers in the fields.

The blue was everywhere, so she would never forget Kiern.

But she didn’t want to ruin him any further. Elizabeth missed the warm and kind boy as much as she pitied the broken man.

“Kiern, I’ll always pray for your happiness. I may not be able to repay all the grace I received from the Madame, but I’ll try. I’ll support in the Madam’s name every month and live repenting my mother’s wrongs.”

“…….”

“I’m sincere. I’ve talked it over with my mom. We decided to leave in about a month.”

“Stella agreed to that?”

“Yes.”

“Well. I don’t think that woman will give up her current wealth and leave. If she was going to, she would have left long ago.”

He showed no sign of believing it. He harbored deep distrust towards Elizabeth and Stella.

It was only natural. The sad thing was that Elizabeth herself was foolish enough not to have gained even this much trust from him. Elizabeth pleaded.

“What parent can refuse a daughter’s tearful request? My mom agreed to it, so please, just this once, believe me. Please, Kiern.”

Kiern felt a sense of futility at Elizabeth’s words. Just moments ago, he was angry at another man trying to cling to Elizabeth, but now he was mad at Elizabeth for saying she would leave his side without hesitation.

At the same time, he wanted to sit her down and clenched his fist tightly. He felt the pain of a not fully healed wound reopening, but he didn’t care.

The pain only made Kiern more irritated. The past meeting where Elizabeth had been troubled flashed through his mind between the wounds.

“……So you’re saying you’ll take all the responsibility and leave, is that it?”

“Yes. I’ll do that. I’m sorry for finding out the truth too late, Kiern. I’ll make it right, even now.”

“Make it right? What exactly?”

At Kiern’s cold tone, Elizabeth fidgeted with her trembling fingertips as she continued speaking. His gaze lingered on her fingertips.

“Forget the confession from that day. As if it never happened.”

Was that what she meant by making it right?

Everything seemed easy for her. Kiern swallowed his twisted feelings and muttered.

“Forget it.”

“Yes. Please. Forget it.”

Elizabeth’s steady voice sounded gentle yet even cruel.

Since that day, Kiern thought and thought again. He tried not to think about it, but her confession filled his mind, leaving him disoriented.

At the same time, his mind was a mess with thoughts of his mother’s last words and Stella. It felt like his head was both full and empty, as if deeply submerged in ink.

No matter how much he swam, he couldn’t navigate the black sea. He just felt like he was sinking deeper and deeper, about to stop breathing at any moment.

Kiern was tormented by not understanding Elizabeth’s intentions, yet he sometimes wanted to pretend not to know.

If the relationship was already broken, he wanted to destroy and trap her rather than let her run away.

Yes. He wanted to do that. He wanted to trample and trample until that innocent face was covered in tears, making her struggle in his black sea.

Kiern laughed bitterly. He didn’t know what he was thinking. He wondered how he was different from his father at this point.

Perhaps it would be better to let her leave. Before he broke any further, before he became an even worse man. Yet he couldn’t help but dislike the words she uttered.

Elizabeth’s heart seemed so easy. As if it could be forgotten if asked to forget, as if it could be undone if asked to be undone.

But Kiern was different. For him, that day when he became aware of her was still vivid.

The day he looked at Elizabeth, not knowing his mother was dying, the sight of her wet and smiling prettily still pricked his heart like a thorn.

Kiern stared at Elizabeth’s wrinkled fingers. From some point, Elizabeth had developed a habit of soaking her hands and body in water, and Kiern was constantly shaken by it.

Whenever he saw her walking around wet like that day, his heart pounded. Even though her expression and eyes were entirely different from that day, it overlapped, driving him crazy.

The day that would never return kept haunting him, making Kiern lose his mind. If only he knew nothing like her, it wouldn’t have been this miserable.

Why did she keep getting wet?

He didn’t know why she shook him so much.

“Do as you please.”

Kiern turned around, wanting to escape this place. He felt like he might do something dangerous if he continued talking to Elizabeth.

If he kept looking at that face, he feared he would want to make her no longer pure.

He might want to put into action the impulse to ruin that overly kind woman.

Kiern hated Elizabeth, who resembled Stella as much as he hated Stella. Despite hating her, he found it laughable that he wanted to keep her by his side, which made him hate her more.

Elizabeth quietly followed behind him. As if this distance was just right, she stayed far back.

That drove him crazy, so Kiern quickened his pace.