To My Unkind Benefactor - ✿ dusk blossoms ✿

Even though I’m living off his money, eating and sleeping on his dime, thinking this way seems ridiculous, but it was absurd. Who decided that?

I wanted to argue back, but my useless voice still refused to come out past my throat. So I frowned instead, and the man actually laughed quietly, like he found it amusing.

I gulped down the cold water in front of me to cool my burning insides. I’d wondered why he sat down across from me even after finishing his meal while I was still chewing my bread. So this was what he wanted to talk about.

Watching me swallow only water without being able to speak, he now propped his chin up with one hand. His pale blond hair swayed softly with his leisurely, controlled movements. His cool, calm blue eyes seemed to hold faint mischief.

“Of course, you’ll be safe indoors. You already know that.”

I almost choked. I’ll be safe indoors? Surely he’s not saying that while treating me like air.

Whether he noticed my distorted expression or not, he continued what he had to say.

“I’ll let you go when you’re in a situation where you can be completely independent, Liv. Of course, if you want, we can stay together forever.”

If not for what followed, I might have snatched paper and pen from him right then and there.

“I’m your family now, your guardian, and even your brother.”

Though we don’t share blood.

At those words spoken like discussing ordinary daily life, at those words daring to replace Lucas, something suddenly surged up inside me.

And I felt a little queasy too. Should I call it grief? Emotions difficult to name kept welling up.

My heart had been unstably turbulent ever since Ernst rescued me. Afraid that the dam I’d barely managed to hold back would come crashing down at a touch, I’d worn a mask thickly painted with composure.

But with his one sentence, cracks formed in the face I’d barely maintained. Ernst just quietly watched the turmoil he’d created.

I lowered my head deeply and shoved the remaining piece of bread into my mouth. I chewed thoroughly, swallowed, and raised my head again. I tried to pretend perfect expressionlessness, though I don’t know how it looked.

Fortunately, without any particular comment on my expression, Ernst spoke to me while meeting my gaze.

“So if there are bad guys, tell me. I’ll kill them.”

In Lucas’s place. I’m your brother and guardian. The soundless words bored into my ears.

The man couldn’t possibly know. He couldn’t know there were bastards tormenting me. Yet somehow it sounded meaningful, making my heart sink for a moment.

I stared piercingly at Ernst, trying to read his intentions, but his face remained calm.

“If there’s anything you want to do, do it. I’ll grant anything except letting you go out alone.”

Ernst released the hand propping his chin and pulled back his upper body that had been leaning toward me. Then he stood up. His business seemed to end there.

He pushed in his chair and briefly glanced at the traces I’d left.

“Ah. Eating like a bird won’t do either. Adding that.”

With those final words, Ernst picked up my empty plate, fork, and cup and headed to the sink. I sat still until he finished washing dishes and completely disappeared.

My confused feelings didn’t easily fade. What kind of help could Lucas, who had neither money nor backing, have possibly given that he’d bestow charity on me without any compensation?

All this time, Ernst had continuously pushed clothes, accessories, spending money, and all sorts of things into my room, knowing full well I never went out. Even though there was no telling when I’d ever use any of it.

At first I’d waved my hands saying it was fine, but now knowing it was useless, I’d reached the point of ignoring whether something new appeared in my room or existing furniture changed.

Terrifyingly poured-out goodwill.

Yet despite Ernst showering me with all this goodwill, I still couldn’t withdraw my suspicions.

The reason was clear. I still knew nothing about him except his name. He spouted words like someone with a screw loose somewhere in his head, but the truly important things remained tightly wrapped up.

I’d thought about asking but gave up. First, there was no guarantee he’d tell me the truth, and second, doing so would reveal I couldn’t speak.

I wasn’t yet ready to show Ernst, who’d become my Benefactor, the inner self filled with negativity built up layer by layer through years of despair.

My only house had burned down and I had no way to find the money Lucas had earned. Though suspicious, sadly there was no better option for me right now than this questionable man.

He was my only hope. Though I had no cards to play compared to him holding my safety in his hands, that was reality.

Many of those who attended Lucas’s funeral had received help from my brother.

Yet not a single one extended a hand to me. Though I’d had no expectations to begin with, the sense of disillusionment rushed in several times over.

Yet among them, only that man was returning the help he’d received. How could I easily believe it?

Moreover, “Ernst” was a name I’d never once heard from my brother, who loved to chatter.

I didn’t want to foolishly throw away the life I’d barely regained by getting stabbed in the back. Even if I’d been saved by him.

I stared blankly at the tall full-length mirror standing near the corner by the half-open window.

Below gentle-looking eyes, purple irises filled with cynicism shone darkly. Dark blue hair that came down in waves without covering my pale white forehead, cut off at the waist, covered both ears.

Thanks to that, my already bloodless cheeks looked even paler. The only place with any vitality was my moderately sized lips.

* * *

Quite some time had already passed. I didn’t know exactly since I’d forgotten to count the days, but roughly that much.

After the day he’d come to me specifically to make that unilateral notification, the brief intimacy he’d shown quickly disappeared, and he returned to being an indifferent benefactor again.

So Ernst’s presence became smaller than floating dust, and I often forgot I was living with someone.

“What did she say she needed again?”

Except for times like now when he expressed business to me once every few days, it was fair to say I almost never heard that voice muttering to himself.

“She said she needed two.”

Having come up to this floor and made me stand there, he showed no intention of smoothing his faintly furrowed brow. I watched that sight expressionlessly.

Only when his patience was nearly exhausted did he lift his clenched fist with a relieved face and lightly struck his other palm.

“I remember, Liv. Books and pens. You said you like reading and writing, so you must have already finished what I bought.”

“……”

“Write a list like last time and leave it in the first-floor reception room.”

I wasn’t that shameless. Meaning I wasn’t the type to constantly prattle on to someone who took in a friend’s sister they’d never met, fed, clothed, and housed her, and bought whatever she needed.

I only asked him when I truly needed something. That could be counted on one hand with fingers left over.

Yet it took him that long to remember.

The reason my insides were boiling like this was because this wasn’t the only day he acted this way. Every time I requested something, he’d ask again several times, like he had amnesia.

Usually he acted like a distant neighbor just living on a different floor, yet whenever I finally gathered courage to speak to him, he’d confirm again and again, saying he’d forgotten.

What did he think of my words?

Moreover, since I couldn’t speak aloud, I was troubled every time he kept talking to me, like he’d seized an opportunity. Claiming to be my guardian, my Benefactor, why did he treat me like air and forget even the requests I barely managed to make?

Now the hangnail that had been so small caught everywhere whenever I moved my fingers, grating on my nerves. I clearly liked silence, yet somehow that man ignoring me kept grating on me, like rubbing sandpaper on somewhere inside my chest.

Having finished his business, Ernst tried to immediately turn his back, like he always did. I was also biting my lips, about to enter my room.

“Ah, but the academy won’t work.”

I looked up at him with my upper body half-turned, only turning my head. My neck ached from the considerable height difference. He met my gaze with his always-quiet blue eyes half-lowered.

“I’m your guardian, so I have a duty to keep you by my side and watch over you.”

What was that supposed to mean? My understanding lagged half a beat. When did I say I wanted to go to the academy?

“You can’t go anywhere my hand doesn’t reach.”

“……”

“As you know, outside is dangerous.”

A crooked smile leaked out without me realizing. The corners of Ernst’s eyebrows lifted.

“Are you laughing at me?”

It wasn’t an unpleasant tone. Rather, it held slight surprise. I signaled roughly that I understood and tried to enter my room, but his muttering stopped me.

“I don’t know why you’re laughing.”

Wasn’t he acting like his side was the safest place? How could I not find that funny?

How could I trust him when I knew nothing—not his age, occupation, circumstances with Lucas, nothing? Weren’t we still closer to a relationship of mutual exploitation?

Moreover, after bringing me here, he’d treated me like I didn’t exist. That fact grated on me even more.

Not feeling the need to satisfy his curiosity, I passed Ernst. Even though he clearly knew I was going down to the first floor, he only slowly descended the stairs.

I went straight into the reception room. I planned to write it quickly and be done with it.

Unreasonably anxious at Ernst’s leisurely footsteps following behind, I quickly pulled out pen and paper from the table and sat down.

Just as I was about to write the list, the newspaper neatly placed in the corner of the table caught my eye.

Though I usually liked books but avoided newspapers, I unconsciously stretched my neck and looked.