19. To You Who Love Me

Janet always thought and resolved. When Rihanel woke up, she would smile as if she naturally expected it and greet him leisurely.

However, when he actually woke up, she absolutely couldn’t do that.

“Ah……”

Only a watery exclamation flowed from her mouth. Her eyes reddened. Her heart beat violently. She couldn’t even move while stuck to her spot.

The moment what she had wished for so much happened, her heart rather than her head was dominating her body.

“Janet.”

Rihanel who opened his eyes called Janet’s name and sat up.

Fierce pain surged from his stomach to the top of his head. He unconsciously contorted his face.

However, that wasn’t what was important now.

He clearly thought he had caught Janet in that darkness, but it wasn’t so. Janet was standing a little away from him now.

Rihanel hurriedly got out of bed. Just having his feet touch the ground caused pain.

The moment he took his second step, he swayed and sat down. He wanted to run to her, he had to, but his body wouldn’t listen.

However, he immediately stood up again and approached Janet while dragging his creaking legs.

“Janet.”

He reached out his hand and grabbed Janet’s arm. Holding her tightly as if he would never let go, he spat out words.

“Saying not to wait is all b*llshit. The idea that I can’t be by your side because I’m sorry was cowardly and arrogant thinking. I can never leave you. So you also stay by my side like this continuously.”

A low, hoarse voice scraped his throat as it came out. Though it was a dry and rough voice, the emotion contained within was desperate.

Rihanel roughly furrowed his brows and shook his head frantically.

He had so much he wanted to say but didn’t know what to start with. If he lost her now, he didn’t know when he could talk again.

Without the leisure to speak in refined language, he was desperate to vomit out words.

“I’m sorry. I know how lacking I am. Still, keep loving me. D*mn, don’t show me the sight of you meeting another guy and smiling without me. Especially Theo Randipel, don’t meet that b*stard again. And……”

Even if this was a dream or an illusion, Rihanel poured out his honest heart to Janet before his eyes.

“I love you, Janet.”

He pressed out his sincerity with all the strength he could muster.

“This heart hasn’t changed in any moment.”

Just as you did, so did I. Even in moments when I believed I hated you, I loved you. Even if all emotions change and mix and fade, only this doesn’t change.

Even if she didn’t respond to these words, even if like always for nine years these were words he couldn’t convey….

Rihanel stared piercingly at her shining eyes. Because he didn’t want to miss even a fragment of her gaze. Because he wanted to keep remembering this moment that seemed like she was looking at him.

But then, tears welled up in Janet’s eyes. Those eyes contained full joy.

And she nodded.

“……I will. I’ll stay by your side continuously.”

A vivid voice reached his ears.

Rihanel’s face became blank.

Hearing an answer to the words he gave was for the first time in nine years.

Was this also an illusion? When he was thinking such thoughts, Janet tightly embraced Rihanel’s neck.

“Thank goodness……”

A relieved voice was heard from her. The arms embracing his neck were trembling shallowly. Rihanel felt as if his breath stopped.

This trembling was surely not a mirage.

“……Janet.”

“Yes.”

He couldn’t believe it. Rihanel embraced her back and called her name again.

“Janet.”

“Rihanel.”

“Janet……”

Rihanel hugged Janet a little tighter. The faint warmth he felt from her seemed to melt him.

What he faced now wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t her memory or illusion, nor death that came after a long revolving lantern ended.

It was reality.

“I…… came back.”

“I was waiting, Rihanel.”

The woman who had always been together for nine years but never been together once said she had been waiting for him.

With those words alone, Rihanel finally seemed to reach the end of a road whose end couldn’t be seen.

She discovered him left alone in the vast ocean. She extended her hand to him and pulled him to land. And she made a place where his body could rest, letting him rest.

“……”

Rihanel buried his face in Janet’s shoulder. His body trembled finely. Janet patted and stroked his back.

It was the end of a long wandering.

***

Rihanel, whose body had stiffened from lying down for a long time, moved his steps slowly while relying on a cane. The carriage was waiting ahead at a little distance, combining with a walk.

Flan who was walking beside him let out a sigh as if relieved.

“Why are you sighing?”

When Rihanel scolded him, he shrugged his shoulders and immediately chattered.

“Your Grace has a larger build than ordinary people, right? Even using a stretcher, I wondered how we’d move you to the ducal mansion, but it’s really fortunate we don’t need to……”

“You’re noisy. You just go ahead. Don’t walk beside me.”

Rihanel waved his hand dismissively at Flan with a tired-looking face. Janet grabbed his hand and lowered it while saying.

“Don’t say such things. Flan worried about you so much while you were asleep.”

“I know.”

At Rihanel’s shameless expression as if it was natural, Flan was shocked and asked back.

“You do know?”

“Yeah. I’m a very important person to you.”

When Rihanel went to the detention center, Flan had answered Janet’s request to help with his trial that way. Rihanel recalled that and spoke teasingly.

However, Flan seriously hardened his expression.

“Why are you saying such creepy things?”

“So…… thank you. During the trial and now too. This is sincere.”

“……!”

Flan looked at Rihanel with his mouth slightly open.

“Telling you to go ahead instead of walking beside me is also sincere.”

Rihanel gestured ahead with his chin. Janet thought why say unnecessary words and tried to stop him again, but Flan walked ahead with big strides without answering.

Janet lowered her eyebrows and scolded Rihanel.

“I told you Flan worried a lot. He’ll be upset.”

“I doubt it. He’s the type who’d be more relieved if treated normally.”

Rihanel shrugged his shoulders.

And as he said, the corners of Flan’s mouth walking ahead drooped down.

D*mn duke b*stard, he really did wake up.

Thank goodness……

While thinking that, Flan wiped his tears while pretending to touch his head. Seeing Rihanel properly awake made him emotional, but he didn’t want to show that sight to anyone.

Fortunately, without being caught by anyone, he walked safely to the carriage.

And behind that, Rihanel gestured toward Flan and asked Janet.

“Look at that. Doesn’t he seem to be crying?”

“Be nice.”

“I told you he’d be relieved if treated normally.”

“If this is your normal attitude, that’s problematic in itself.”

“I can’t say a word.”

When Rihanel sighed, Janet burst into small laughter. Feeling good at that sight, the corners of Rihanel’s mouth also went up naturally.

“You know what? Your eyes are really pretty.”

“You’re saying ticklish things.”

“Who else besides you has such straight and shining eyes? Your voice too. It’s on the low side but clear, and also firm at the same time.”

“Aren’t you just attaching nice words?”

“Just accept compliments. I’ll give more from now on.”

Janet opened her mouth to retort something then closed it. After moving her lips several more times, her cheeks slightly reddened. She looked into the distance and said quietly.

“……I’ll try.”

Thud! The cane Rihanel was holding fell over. Janet looked to the side in surprise.

Janet stopped Rihanel from trying to bend down and picked up the cane. And while putting it in his hand, she asked.

“Are you okay?”

“Sometimes it would be better to just argue back.”

“Why did your words change?”

“Because you’re making an expression harmful to a patient.”

“What kind of nonsense……”

Janet, who was about to ask if it was nonsense, slightly furrowed her brows. Then she asked Rihanel with a ‘no way’ expression.

“Is this also a compliment?”

“A kind of one.”

“It seems it’ll be hard to just listen after all.”

Rihanel laughed as if he expected that.

Just like when they saw it in the hospital, the day was particularly nice. The man receiving sunlight revealed that fresh smile without reserve.

Relief and excitement mixed together made Janet’s heart flutter. She was enveloped by such great happiness that she thought it would be good if time stopped like this.

But Rihanel didn’t seem satisfied yet.

His smile deliberately turned bitter. A low voice came out affectionately and softly.

“You told me not to, but there’s something I absolutely can’t pass over.”

A gentle breeze blew and tickled Janet’s cheek. Janet somehow felt she knew what he would talk about.

“It’s the same b*stard. That d*mn Adif and the warden b*stard of the detention center where I was.”

A cold light flashed in his eyes as he recalled Adif.

He had said before that he would hold the warden of Adif responsible. His eyes were exactly like that then too.

Janet at that time had been afraid of his anger. Worried that anger would hurt the people inside Adif.

So this time too, Janet said desolately while lowering her eyes without thinking further.

“……Don’t do that. I told you. It’s not just that one person’s problem.”

There might not have been anyone as vicious as Agel, but that barbaric ab*se was something that continued to be passed down with only differences in degree.