Because Janet still… wouldn’t know about this situation.

Because she might look for Nel if he suddenly disappeared.

So he decided to stay here until Janet came looking for him.

He would explain the situation to Janet, tell her where he was going next. Thinking that it wouldn’t be too late to leave once he was certain they could stay in touch.

Rihanel went to the site of Philodis Cathedral every day when he had nothing to do. Janet had visited the cathedral at least once a month until now.

It was fortunate that the orphanage building could still be used as a place to sleep since no decision had been made about how to use it.

But he couldn’t sleep properly.

When he closed his eyes, Father Lapel’s face appeared. In the fierce flames, the priest wailed loudly. His face, always gentle, was terribly distorted with pain.

Thinking that the priest must have had such an expression while Nel was blissfully asleep made it impossible for him to sleep.

The insomnia repeated every night. The small hole in the corner of his heart seemed to grow larger.

And there were external factors that kept him from falling asleep easily.

“He’s a sturdy one, perfect for using as a slave.”

Nel’s eyes flew open. In the quiet dawn, the whispering voice belonged to someone from the village he had heard before.

Soon he heard the footsteps of several people approaching.

Slaves? Such things had been abolished in this country long ago. But he had heard there were still places abroad that used slaves.

So now they were trying to sell him, someone with no connections?

His assessment concluded swiftly, but Nel felt disoriented—the situation he had evaluated didn’t seem real at all.

But he couldn’t just stay still. He moved his feet, which wanted to remain frozen with tension, and ran. His whole body ached.

“There he is!”

Several strong men chased after him from behind as if they wanted to kill him. Fear rose at the killing intent he was experiencing for the first time.

When he was caught by some of them, he desperately shook them off and threw punches. It was something he did to survive.

He ran, and ran again. Until he could no longer hear sounds, until the presence of those following him disappeared.

How much time had passed like that?

Large drops of water fell on his head with a patter. It was a sudden downpour. Nel, his mind clearing at the cold sensation, finally looked back.

There was no one.

Nel breathed heavily. The metallic scent of blood rose from his throat.

“Thank goodness……”

Thank goodness. That he wasn’t captured by them.

It was fortunate that he didn’t have to go to some unknown foreign country or be caught and killed.

Really, really fortunate….

“……”

Relief, then silence.

The rain soaked his entire body. For some unknown reason, tears came. A lump that would never escape from his chest swelled his body. It felt like his body would burst from the suffocation.

Nel clutched his chest and contorted his face. His heart hurt. It felt like invisible walls were pressing down on him from all sides.

Suddenly, a maddening loneliness came upon him.

In the dawn with pouring rain, he stood alone in the dark forest. Having run mindlessly, he didn’t even know exactly where he was.

Normally, he would have thought it was fine, that he just needed to find his way home, but now he had no home to return to.

Even the friends in the same situation who had always been with him were scattered, so now he was alone in this bleak world.

Groaning with a distorted face, Rihanel collapsed on the spot. Unable to breathe properly, he beat his chest and tore at his hair.

Only when his head began to feel hazy did he exhale as if vomiting. Sobs burst forth with it. It sounded like a beast wailing.

“Janet……”

He missed her.

If she, who always shone, were here, she could probably drive away this terrible darkness.

“Janet, Janet……”

Calling her name was the best he could do to ward off the fear that now loomed before him.

He just had to endure this anxiety until Janet came to find him again. Since he always felt excited when meeting her, even this anxiety would be suppressed in her presence.

***

On a clear midday after the downpour had passed.

Nel arranged his clothes with a tense expression.

Finally today, he would meet Janet.

He had lingered around the cathedral for over a month, but Janet never came.

During that time, Nel hadn’t just been sitting idle.

He had circled around the Wilton mansion several times but couldn’t see Janet. He sent signals like throwing small twigs toward her room’s window, but there was no response.

Half thinking that Janet must have her reasons.

Half worried that something might have happened to her.

Though Rihanel had always waited for Janet, now he could wait no longer.

Finally, Nel decided to formally visit the Wilton mansion. In the seven years they had known each other, this was his first formal visit.

It wasn’t that Janet had told him not to come. He had just been hesitant, not knowing if he should go there.

Nel spent all his money to clean himself up and put on relatively neat clothes. Janet had always seen Nel in shabby appearance, but he didn’t want to look unkempt when meeting her after quite some time.

“I’ve come to see Miss Janet.”

Nel said with an expression that clearly showed his nervousness. The butler of the green-roofed house looked him up and down, then said with a disgruntled expression,

“Miss is not here.”

“If she’s out, I’ll wait……”

“You’d have to wait three or four months? She’s gone abroad on a trip.”

“…What?”

Nel’s face went blank.

The butler, as if doing a favor for the dumbfounded boy, spoke once more,

“She’s gone on a trip, so you’ll have to wait three or four months.”

Gone on a trip….

His heart beat rapidly.

Abroad, did that mean she wasn’t in this country right now?

She had said we would meet soon. She had said we would have a picnic in the autumn forest. But she left on a trip. Without a single word to me. After telling me she liked me….

“Wh-when did she leave?”

“Let’s see. A little over a month… Ah, yes. You know that cathedral that burned down? It was shortly after that fire.”

Thud. His heart plunged off a cliff.

It felt like his entire body had been buried in squelching mud.

Would she have left without caring, knowing about the fire? Or perhaps, not knowing… maybe she was able to leave because she didn’t know what had happened to him, to the people of the cathedral.

If there had been some circumstances that made her leave without saying goodbye, she would surely have left a note or message for Nel, concerned that he would look for her.

“…Is there perhaps any note or message left for Nel Siphren?”

“Nel Siphren? That’s a name I’m hearing for the first time.”

“Ah……”

The feeling of suffocation, as if mud entered his mouth and nose when trying to breathe, and sinking deeper when flailing arms and hands to escape.

The bleakness of no longer seeing what he had believed was light, now not knowing which way to wave his hands.

Ah, that’s right.

It only then occurred to him that Janet’s house was one of the former sponsors who had cut off support for Philodis.

***

The memory that surfaced after a long time tormented Rihanel.

The time when the woman before him had abandoned him was still so vivid. But looking back now, he felt that his feelings then had been better.

Back then, it was just disappointment, resentment. Emotions based on affection.

He had expected that Janet would look for him even after hearing the rumors about Philodis Cathedral.

He thought she was that kind of person, and that he would be special enough to her for that.

But Janet didn’t do that.

So, at that time, he was just hurt by the result of betrayed expectations.

But now….

Rihanel sighed softly. The woman beside him was sleeping quietly, not even making the sound of breathing.

It was painful to see the angelic face of the sleeping woman. She was the woman he had wanted to meet so badly, but when he learned the truth, all his emotions became jumbled.

It wasn’t that she left without knowing, nor that she left knowing. She had simply fled to hide her crime.

What if they had never met again?

What if his uncle, who had been the heir to House Reynes, hadn’t died of illness?

What if Rihanel’s grandfather hadn’t looked for Rihanel? If he hadn’t brought into the duke’s house the son of his daughter who had left home saying she would marry a commoner?

And so… if he hadn’t acquired the noble status that Janet Wilton wanted?

What then?

Would this filthy, noble woman have ever looked at him again? Would she have even known this maddening, swirling hatred?

I hate you, Janet Wilton.

Rihanel slowly reached out his hand. But he couldn’t touch Janet.

She was within reach, yet it seemed they would never touch.

***

Janet slowly blinked her large eyes. Morning had already dawned. The empty space she saw while curled up in a corner of the large bed felt unusually large.

When she woke up at dawn, Rihanel was already gone.

He probably left as soon as she fell asleep. Rihanel Reynes shuddered even during the brief time he had to spend with Janet.

But yesterday’s reaction was a little different from what she had expected.

Janet recalled Rihanel’s pale face from yesterday.

If he was going to make such an expression, why….

His face kept coming to mind, bothering her. Janet even felt a subtle sense of guilt, as if she had done something wrong.

Without realizing it, she stroked the wound on her chest. Something sticky clung to her hand. When she lifted her hand to check, it seemed to be ointment.

‘Did Letsy apply this?’

What did she think when she saw the wound? Should she say she accidentally marked herself with a pen? Or would it be better to say she scratched herself with her fingernail?