The very place where her father and he had once competed.

If this dream was based even slightly on reality, if any of Duke Muller’s lingering thoughts were embedded here even minimally…….

She seemed to understand at which point the duke’s clock had stopped for his entire life.

Tatiana sat quietly before him, and he lifted his bowed head. She stared into his bloodshot eyes and drew her sword from its scabbard.

Forgiveness? Needless to say, she had never even considered it. Why would she do such a thing? If he appeared before her again, she would behead him without hesitation every time.

However…… she didn’t want to spend too much of her life hating and cursing him.

They say the human brain cannot properly process certain commands.

Occasionally, some unfortunate children hate their parents and vow never to resemble them, never to live like them—only to end up replicating that life completely. It’s truly sad, but it happens because they’ve been exposed to that environment for too long.

While hating and grinding their teeth, ironically, they constantly recall and think about that person.

Isn’t there a saying that strongly denying something ultimately defines oneself? So while she would punish him without hesitation if he appeared before her, she wouldn’t drag him into every minute and second of her life where he didn’t need to exist.

Because she didn’t want to devote her life to this person. Because she couldn’t fill her empty spaces with such things.

Before swinging her sword, Tatiana called out to him. Hey.

‘What would you like to be if you were born again?’

‘……’

‘Honestly, you wouldn’t want to live as yourself, would you?’

A meaningless question. What would he know? How could someone like you, who spent a lifetime envying and hating others without ever living your own life for even a moment, understand my feelings? You didn’t know in life, and you won’t know in death.

But whether you know or not, I’m not curious about your thoughts at all. My life wasn’t, isn’t, and won’t be shaken or broken because of you.

Tatiana swung her sword without hesitation, and the severed head rolled on the ground.

At that moment, the surrounding scenery that had imprisoned her scattered, and the suffocating air that had been pressing on her disappeared.

Suddenly, she heard her mother’s voice.

Light shines even from your sorrow.

It was when Tatiana blinked to correct her blurry focus. Gideon was staring at her. His large hand was gripping her shoulder. Until just before, he seemed to have been debating whether to shake her awake.

His fingers, which had been clutching her shoulder, moved up to caress her eyes. He wiped the moisture from her wet eyelashes, and only then did Tatiana realize she had been crying. How embarrassing.

‘I was pretending to be so mature in my dream, but in reality, I was pathetically sniffling?’

What is this? Tatiana averted her gaze out of embarrassment, and Gideon gently asked as he finished wiping her eyes,

“Titi, did you have a dream?”

“……Yes.”

He didn’t ask what the dream was about. Not because he wasn’t curious, but because he seemed to know without being told.

But Tatiana felt even more embarrassed by that considerate silence. She felt more so because his expression conveyed sadness, concern, and something shadowy.

Gideon carefully detached her hair strands that were stuck to her cheek one by one, and Tatiana, wanting to change the somewhat somber atmosphere, changed the subject.

“Why are you suddenly tidying me up? Is my hair too thick? Honestly, is it so thick it bothers you?”

“Not really…… but you might eat it in your sleep.”

He didn’t think it was that bad, but it was true that occasionally strands would find their way into her mouth. The most annoying time was during exercise.

She stuck out her tongue slightly and said playfully,

“If the maids hadn’t stopped me, I might have shaved my head at least once when I was young.”

“Did that happen?”

“Yes, I still think about it sometimes. Just think about it, really. It’s cumbersome during sword training.”

Gideon nodded as if understanding such difficulties, then suddenly snickered. In that moment, he had imagined it—Tatiana with a pointy, chestnut-like hairstyle.

“If you really want to, go ahead.”

“……Really?”

“Your head is nicely round, so you’d look pretty even with it shaved. Lionesses don’t have manes anyway.”

“……Lioness? Why suddenly a lioness?”

Tatiana asked as if wondering why he occasionally used such comparisons for her, and Gideon stared at her.

Ah, could it be she doesn’t know her nickname is “lioness”? Well, even the maids would have been uncertain. Should they honestly tell the lady they serve that “sometimes you’re as brave as a lion”?

Tatiana looked at Gideon with suspicious eyes. She now had no lingering attachment to the idea of shaving her head and wanted to live as respectably as possible. She would have numerous official appearances in the future and didn’t want to attract attention in such a way. So this was just an old memory brought up for a laugh.

But he seemed to find her casual remark much more amusing than expected. In reality, Gideon was thinking how truly adorable Tatiana was.

I understand it might be cumbersome when wielding a sword, but shaving your head completely rather than just cutting it short? Isn’t that too bold an idea? Even knights pay some attention to their hairstyles.

He gently tucked her hair behind her ear and asked,

“Do you like swords that much, Titi?”

“……Why ask something so obvious?”

Indeed. Why had he asked such an obvious and sentimental question? If he had to find a reason, it was probably because he had seen her eyes grow wet as she dreamed.

It was because he knew that despite her young age, the weight of her life had been considerable. He knew too well that she had endured times of patience and pain equal to the achievements and glory she had gained with her sword.

And if there was one more reason…….

“You once said that wielding a sword wasn’t always purely joyful. You told me that before.”

“……”

That was something Tatiana had let slip during their cold war. Looking back now, it seemed like such a childish thing to say. Even while knowing that she should accept minor difficulties since it was her chosen path, she had complained to her husband out of frustration with her slow rate of progress.

But Gideon appeared to have ruminated on that complaint she now found embarrassing. This was despite his response at the time—that it was because she loved swords so much—having already provided sufficient comfort.

“The truth is, I’m really proud of you.”

“……”

“Sometimes I want to tell the world that my wife is an exceptional swordswoman. Though you’d probably think I’m uncool if I did.”

Was I really that good? Why is he suddenly praising me like this? Tatiana felt embarrassed but couldn’t help smiling since she didn’t hate the compliments.

Gideon stared at her for a moment before continuing.

“But you know. If ever, though I’m sure it won’t happen, but still, if there comes a moment when wielding a sword is no longer enjoyable.”

If your pain ever outweighs your joy. Whenever that might be.

“Then you can truly stop. You can rest.”

“……”

“Not having that doesn’t make you any less yourself. I’ll still be proud of you and love you.”

“……Why are you suddenly saying such things?”

“Just. I wanted to let you know that you have someone like me by your side.”

“……”

“I want you to live however you want, Titi. I’ll be your shield.”

Did she look that pitiful to him as she groaned in her sleep? Did he find the tears that had flowed beyond her control heartbreaking? Tatiana felt she understood that Gideon wanted to lighten her burden and the weight of her life. Not just today, but he had shown such inclinations from time to time.

This meant she shouldn’t push herself too hard. No, pushing herself was fine, but she didn’t need to force herself when she no longer wanted to do it, whether out of fear that her previous efforts would be wasted or concern about disappointing others.

Whatever you do, or even if you do nothing, I’ll continue to be on your side and support you.

When one loves someone deeply, they rejoice in that person’s moments of glory but also ache for the loneliness and pain behind those moments.

She could feel his heart. It was actually quite moving. Yet she pursed her lips only to hide how touched she felt.

“Telling me I can stop using my sword is like telling Your Highness you don’t have to become king. Could you do that?”

Gideon answered without even a second’s hesitation.

“No. I must.”

“What’s that? That’s different from what you said to me.”

“I have a responsibility as the head of the family, so I have no choice. I must do it even if it’s difficult. Well, it’s never really been difficult.”

“……I’m the head of our family.”

Gideon nodded, saying, “That’s true.”

Tatiana wondered why he agreed so easily, and after laughing, she couldn’t hide her emotional feelings and ended up making a strange expression.

Suddenly, she recalled a question from her friends, When do you feel you made a good marriage?

It’s really nothing special. It’s when I wake up from a not-so-pleasant dream and find my husband quietly watching me. It’s when he wants to comfort me with other words, afraid to ask questions that might dig up memories I’d rather not recall. It’s when I clearly feel that he doesn’t consider that time and effort wasted at all.