It was just as I stepped out of the Seonhwadang after straightening my clothes and disheveled hair.

“Young mistress!”

Meoru came pattering over and grabbed my hands, her voice thick with tears.

“Young mistress, hic, I am so relieved you are alive.”

“I told you not to call me that.”

The scolding I had vowed to put to rest spilled out of me again, and the composure I had barely managed to gather fell into disarray all over again. My, how did I even live to see today’s sun. I looked up at the sky with a sigh, and Meoru happened to point right at it.

“Do you know how worried I was, waiting until the sun climbed that high before you came out?”

At the sight of Meoru’s hollow, sunken eyes, the mark of a sleepless night, a dull ache pressed against my chest.

“I put you through needless suffering. But why are you still here? You should have listened to me.”

“How could we run away and leave you behind?”

Meoru shook her head, her eyes glistening.

“Mother says the same. She says we are lives that will die at your side, even if it comes to that.”

Those words squeezed my heart. What was Meoru to my wet nurse Nansil? She was the only blood left to her, the one child she had managed to keep alive to the age of fifteen after burying three young ones before her.

To think I had driven a mother’s cherished daughter to speak of dying together.

‘There is nothing left in life but shame. Yeon, let us die here together, you and I.’

It struck me suddenly that my own mother had once said the same. The night before she threw herself into the river, she had clutched my hand and pleaded those words, and her hands had trembled like aspen leaves.

My mother would not have wanted to die either. She would not have wanted to snuff out the life of the only daughter she had raised with such tender care, fearing she would go out if held, fearing she would fly away if blown upon.

And yet, because of the h*ll that awaited if they survived, she had been driven to beg her own daughter to please die alongside her. The weight of my mother’s position settled into my chest anew.

‘But Father said to survive no matter what.’

Now I regret having been so stubborn. I had survived on nothing but the will to take revenge, and even that chance had been stolen from me.

Perhaps I should have stopped being foolishly stubborn back then and followed my mother. If I had, Nansil and Meoru would not have had to endure such bitter hardship trying to protect me.

“I am sorry.”

“Oh, please do not say such things. Just knowing you are alive makes me want to dance. Come, let us go quickly. I must let Mother know you are safe.”

Meoru marched ahead with her usual bright spirit. But once we left the Seonhwadang and the path grew quiet, she suddenly spun around, trotted up to me, and whispered in my ear.

“But… what became of the wine?”

The enemies had all walked out unharmed, so of course she was curious. I let out a sigh and answered.

“I knocked it over.”

“That was the right thing to do. All that matters to me is that you are safe.”

Meoru comforted me with a maturity beyond her years, then hummed a little tune on purpose, playing the part of a carefree girl. We had taken only a few steps when she spun around again to ask.

“By the way, young mistress. That young scholar who barged in last night, could he be…”

I drew a slow, deep breath without thinking.

“Is he not the young master Seungjo?”

“…He is.”

A complicated expression crossed Meoru’s face. She had been born and raised in our household and had followed me like a shadow since childhood. She had served Baek Seungjo nearly as long as I had, so she was just as confused as I was about how to feel about him.

“Young mistress…”

“I am fine.”

I meant it. I had not been violated last night. And despite being caught in the act of trying to assassinate multiple officials at once, I had not been dragged to the magistrate’s office.

…But why?

I wanted to crack open Baek Seungjo’s head and look inside.

Meanwhile, Meoru did not seem to take my words at face value. She assumed I was devastated, believing the traitor who had reduced me to a government slave had violated me.

“I really am.”

Because nothing of the sort had happened.

Even to a maidservant I trusted, claiming that nothing had happened last night did not seem wise. The fewer people who knew a secret, the better it kept.

“He is better than the other men, at least.”

“…W, well, that is true. Actually, last night I was about to set fire to the Seonhwadang.”

“…What?”

“The courtesans who were called in partway through said a young scholar who showed up uninvited had taken you away. I thought at least if it was young master Seungjo it could be worse, so I held back. Otherwise this provincial office would have been a heap of ash by now. Hehe.”

With the most guileless face in the world, she chattered out something utterly horrifying. My vision swam and I pressed a hand to my forehead.

“Next time, if I tell you to run, go and do not look back. Ha, I will have to give your mother a stern talking-to as well.”

“Mother will be happy even if she gets scolded.”

“Yes, yes. Your mother is waiting. Let us go back quickly.”

We quickened our steps toward the courtesan house, tucked away in a secluded corner behind the provincial office.

As we walked, Meoru kept glancing ahead and behind, and at every corner she would peer around it first before moving on. It looked like the behavior of a thief, but it was a sad habit she had developed to protect me in this place.

Because Park Wonchul or one of his men could appear at any moment and drag me away.

The other men from last night’s gathering would have no further interest in me now that the coming-of-age ceremony had been performed, but Park Wonchul was a different matter. That man, who harbored a senseless grudge against my parents, would still be consumed with the desire to possess and crush me.

So I had to stay out of his sight. The only safe place was the courtesan house, where the head courtesan used one excuse after another to keep Park Wonchul at bay.

Almost there.

The courtesan house finally came into view and I let out a breath of relief, but at that very moment a man appeared out of nowhere and stepped into my path. He had the towering, bear-like build of a military man, and wore a military officer’s uniform.

“Miss Seollyeon.”

The only man in this place who called me by that name was Jang Hyo, Military Commander of Pyongan Province.

He was a general who had not only subjugated the Jurchen people who frequently invaded this northern region, but had also rendered distinguished service in placing the current king on the throne. In other words, he was in league with Minister of War Kwon Ikseon, the man who had put the current king on the throne.

At the time my father was being branded a traitor, Jang Hyo had been the Military Commander of Hwanghae Province. Was it truly a coincidence that evidence of a private army my father had never raised came pouring out of Hwanghae Province, which fell under his jurisdiction? I believed Jang Hyo had fabricated the evidence himself and killed my father.

He was therefore a sworn enemy who deserved to die.

And yet, in a cruel twist of fate, the very man who had saved me when I tried to take my own life upon first arriving at this provincial office, to escape Park Wonchul who had come at me the moment I arrived, was also Jang Hyo.

What change of heart had come over him at that moment?

After that, he began shielding me from others’ eyes. He had even gone so far as to make the dangerous offer, on the eve of last night’s banquet, to help me escape from this provincial office.

“Why did you not come last night?”

“Did I not tell you I would not go?”

He stared at me with eyes that said he could not fathom why I would throw away my own chance to escape Park Wonchul’s clutches. Resentment toward me flickered in his wavering gaze, and I was wondering what he was about to say when…

“Is it true that you spent the night with Baek Seungjo?”

That resentment now looked different to me. He thought I had chosen Baek Seungjo over him. I had suspected it, but now it was confirmed. Jang Hyo had developed feelings for me.

I had thought he felt some guilt for casting me into this pit. Learning it was nothing more than a man’s clinging desire brought a wave of deep exhaustion washing over me.

“It is true. Then I will take my leave.”

Jang Hyo did not block me and stepped aside. But he had not given up on me. As I passed him, he said this.

“My promise still stands.”

The promise I had never asked for, to take me out of the provincial office and let me live hidden somewhere safe.

Even if he had saved me from the pit and protected me, he was still the enemy who had thrown me into it. Above all, the rescue was nothing but a pretense, and in truth it was no more than greed to have me for himself.

Jang Hyo was a robust military officer who had only just reached his mid-thirties. His life was far from short.

If I followed him, it was plain to see that I would spend the rest of my days locked away in some hideout no one knew of, living as his concubine. How was that any different from moving from the jaws of a tiger into the jaws of a wolf?

So even if it meant dying here, I would never follow Jang Hyo.