Chapter 3.5

“I will be serving as your escort during your holiday in Kabakia, in place of Sir Rey. Please take care of me.”

Thanks to his ability to hide his inner turmoil from Sir Rey, Heizen was able to head to Kabakia without issue. At this point, his feelings were only at the level of wanting to watch over her from a close distance.

The problem began when Rizle, who Heizen couldn’t take his eyes off, started to show curiosity about him.

“What kind of food do you like?”

He knew she wasn’t asking out of rational interest or goodwill. She was simply curious about everything she saw. Heizen should have realized this after observing her for some time, yet he felt both happy and flustered.

He couldn’t think of a single food he particularly liked. He had never seriously considered such things in his life. Even when he tried to quickly name something he had eaten recently, nothing came to mind.

Her eyes, her blue, sparkling eyes, made it impossible for him to think. His mind went blank, and he couldn’t even recall the name of a single dish.

“I don’t have one.” 

He finally said.

‘Such a boring man.’

When his colleagues had said those words to him in the past, he hadn’t felt anything in particular. He had simply accepted it: “So I’m boring.”

But now, realizing that his answer was indeed boring, Heizen felt despair. Seeing the fleeting look of disappointment in her sparkling eyes, he wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.

‘I’ll give a proper answer next time.’

He resolved.

But it was no use. Whenever he looked into her eyes, he froze. He wasn’t usually this bad at conversation, but forming sentences longer than five syllables in front of her was incredibly difficult.

On days when she bombarded him with questions, his brain felt overheated, as if it were boiling. He hadn’t even answered properly, so he felt it was unfair that he was so mentally exhausted.

Still, he comforted himself by thinking at least he hadn’t said anything nonsensical. But after that, Rizle stopped asking him questions altogether.  

‘She must think talking to me is boring and not worth it anymore.’  

Heizen bitterly watched Rizle, who no longer looked at him with sparkling eyes. At least he could justify stealing glances at her under the guise of work.  

For that, he was thankful to Sir Rey.  

If she had entrusted this task to someone else, and another man had used the excuse of work to scrutinize Rizle from head to toe? He didn’t even want to imagine such a scenario.  

One day, Rizle was trying on various dresses for a party that evening. Standing in front of the mirror, she asked Mary, 

“Which one do you think looks best?”

“They all look beautiful to me.”

Mary replied.  

Heizen silently agreed with her. However, he personally thought the white dress she had tried on earlier was the most stunning.  

“‘They all look beautiful’ doesn’t help. How am I supposed to choose?”

Rizle turned to Heizen, as if something had come to mind.  

“What do you think, Sir Heizen?”

Perhaps it was because the white dress had been on his mind, or maybe it was because she had addressed him after such a long time. His mind went blank, and he missed his chance to answer.  

In the end, Rizle wore the blue dress she had tried on last to the party that evening.  

Heizen felt deeply disappointed. Over the next month, he secretly practiced so that he could finally say the white dress suited her best.  

However, Rizle unexpectedly announced that she would be cutting her vacation short and returning.  

Why? Was it because she found me too boring? 

He was desperate to ask, but if he had the ability to ask such things, he would have already been able to hold conversations with her.  

“You were the perfect choice for this task.”

Sir Rey said, encouraging Heizen when they returned to Troskan. She had no idea that, in the meantime, Heizen had become one of the people quietly coveting her position.  

At Troskan, Heizen couldn’t see Rizle every day as he had before. In fact, they rarely crossed paths at all. Initially, he felt oddly listless when he didn’t see her. But as time passed, that feeling gradually faded.  

‘I must have been momentarily distracted by the heat of Kabakia.’

Heizen buried his bittersweet memories of Rizle deep in his heart, treating them as nothing more than a fleeting experience from the vacation.  

He resumed his duties, guarding the castle and patrolling the borders. A month passed. Then three months. Rizle never called for him. Sir Rey remained steadfastly by her side, as always. Everything had returned to normal.  

His life, much like before his trip to Kabakia, was monotonous and uneventful. He had no complaints. Heizen believed he would live his entire life this way, working diligently, never marrying, and dying alone.  

Then, one night, while on guard duty, one of the sentries remarked, 

“Do you think Lady Rizle will go to Kabakia for vacation again this year?”

It was only then that Heizen realized it was that time of year again. Time seemed to pass slowly in his repetitive daily life, yet it had already come to that.  

“I doubt she’ll go this year. The political situation isn’t good.”

Another soldier replied.  

At the time, the Empire was in the midst of an aggressive conquest. After defeating the central powerhouse of Rodelia, neighboring countries fell like dominos. Now, with the exception of a few regions, most of the central territories were under the Empire’s control.  

The question was whether the Empire would stop there or continue its advance. If they did, would they march south or north?  

If they moved north, the first to face them would be Loen.  

“I heard from Sir Rey’s squire that the Marquis is concerned, so Lady Rizle won’t be going to Kabakia this year.”

Eavesdropping on the soldiers’ conversation, Heizen nodded to himself.  

If Rizle went to Kabakia and war broke out, she could become isolated and unable to return. Worse, if she were captured by the enemy, her identity as the cherished daughter of Loen’s guardian would make her a valuable hostage.  

It was a wise decision. Yet, Heizen couldn’t help but feel a twinge of regret. There was no telling if Lady Rey would entrust him with such a task again, and he felt strangely disappointed. 

Heizen found himself reminiscing about Kabakia’s blazing sun and sandy beaches. Because he had spent so much time watching over Rizle, every scene in his memory seemed to include her.  

The next morning, after finishing his night shift, Heizen returned to his quarters to rest. Normally, after a night of patrol, he would fall asleep quickly. But that day, his mind was unusually clear.  

Images of Rizle’s face filled his thoughts. A woman he couldn’t even hold a proper conversation with—what was the point of thinking about her?  

No matter how much he tried to stop, her sparkling eyes continued to disrupt his mind.  

Eventually, Heizen sat up in frustration. He had thought his feelings were merely a product of Kabakia’s heat. Yet here he was, in the dead of winter at Troskan Castle, feeling that same warmth ignite in his chest.  

Unable to stay still, he got up. If he didn’t see Rizle immediately, he felt as though he might suffocate. Like a madman, he began wandering the castle.  

“Look at this, Mary!”  

After wandering for some time, he heard her voice. Drawn to it, Heizen followed the sound.  

In the garden, where patches of snow still lingered, Rizle was proudly showing her maid, Mary, a tiny snowman she had made. The snowman was small enough to fit in her palm, and it was utterly adorable.  

Despite being someone who couldn’t handle the cold and usually spent three months of winter vacationing in Kabakia, Rizle wasn’t even wearing gloves. Heizen worried she might catch a cold.  

“My Lady, your hands must be freezing. What are you doing?”  

As expected, Mary expressed her concern. She urged Rizle to come inside, but Rizle was too absorbed in perfecting her snowman. Adjusting the twig arms repeatedly, she finally smiled in satisfaction.  

Once the two women went inside, Heizen approached the spot where they had been. Glancing around to ensure no one was watching, he suddenly removed his coat.  

He wrapped the snowman in his coat to hide it and carried it away.  

“Black Rock, where are you rushing off to? What are you carrying?”  

A colleague called out to him, but Heizen hurried past without stopping. There was no time to engage in casual conversation.  

Moreover, he couldn’t possibly reveal the truth about what he was carrying.  

Back in his room, Heizen unwrapped his coat to check on the snowman. Its face had partially melted, and one of the twig arms had broken. Carefully, he placed it on the windowsill, where it would stay cooler and melt more slowly.  

Dragging an old wooden chair over, he sat in front of the snowman, deep in thought.  

“Why did I steal this?”  

It was a strange thing to do. If someone found out and questioned him, he wouldn’t know how to explain. Yet, he had no intention of returning it.  

Even if he could go back in time, he knew he would do the same thing. That’s how much he wanted this snowman, simply because it had been made by Rizle Thruella.  

Through the snowman, Heizen saw Rizle. Coincidentally, its white color reminded him of her in the white dress he had admired.  

“I should have told her then… that the white dress suited her best.”  

He deeply regretted not speaking up.  

Next time, he vowed, he would answer her properly. He wouldn’t miss his chance again.  

But would I ever get another chance?  

After returning, Heizen secretly waited for her to call on him, but Rizle always sought out Sir Rey instead. It was as if she had forgotten the very existence of a man named Heizen.  

This couldn’t go on. He had no complaints about being treated as a mere rock, a faint presence, but he didn’t want to be that way in her eyes.  

Was there no way to leave an impression on her? If I went to her and confessed, “I stole this snowman,” would she perhaps remember me?  

He knew that doing so would certainly make her see him as a strange man. Even he thought it wasn’t something he could proudly admit.  

But if it meant being forgotten… If it meant becoming just another passing memory, a nameless knight in her life, perhaps it would be better to take that risk.  

“To make her notice me, and then…”  

And then what? Would I be satisfied with just making her notice me? 

That didn’t seem right either.  

Through the snowman, Heizen once again saw Rizle. Next time, he vowed, he would tell her that white had suited her best. He would make sure to create that opportunity. But how could he create such a chance?  

Meanwhile, the snowman had started melting, leaving a puddle of water on the windowsill. It was just a small snowman melting away, yet Heizen felt an indescribable sadness. Why was he so anxious and unable to calm down?  

Why? Why?  

Heizen soon realized the reason. And that realization, accompanied by a strange sense of elation, transformed into desire.  

The truth was, what he truly wanted wasn’t the snowman.  

“I need to steal Rizle Thruella.”  

While she was still bewildered, he would capture her, lock her in his arms, and make her his. By the time Rizle realized she was in Heizen’s grasp, it would already be too late.  

Heizen’s determined gaze glinted dangerously.