Chapter 1.21

“You might be pregnant, so I’ll beat you thoroughly.”  

Her mother said this while grabbing her hair again.  

“Ah!”  

It hurt so much. It hurt. It hurt. She didn’t want to endure this pain anymore. Crying, she curled up.  

“Mother, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please, don’t hit me…”  

“You might be pregnant, I said!”  

Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around her stomach.  

“Are you pregnant? Is that it?”  

Her mother’s face twisted as she leaned in closer. Her breath was as hot as a volcanic eruption.  

“No, Mother, it’s not like that. Really, it’s not like that…”  

She denied it desperately, almost frantically. The grip on her hair loosened slightly, and she immediately knelt before her mother.  

“I’m sorry, Mother… I just, I just made a small mistake. I was curious about the villa. I was curious about swimming… That’s all…”  

“…”  

“When I tried it, it wasn’t a big deal. Really, it wasn’t. Honestly… I would never leave you over something like that…”  

Even as she spoke, her lips twisted, and her tongue fumbled. Tears poured down in spasms.  

“I… I belong to you, Mother. I’m your daughter. Really, I didn’t do anything shameful. A child? No, no. Absolutely not. I just… I just wanted to swim so badly.”  

Whether her mother responded or not, she clasped her hands together and begged.  

“So please forgive me. Forgive me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”  

Her tears dripped onto the floor. The places where she had been hit throbbed. Her face burned.  

“I’m sorry. Please, please…”  

She raised her head to look at her mother’s face. The face that resembled hers was still filled with anger, betrayal, and resentment.  

Hic. 

A hiccup escaped her lips.  

“I’m… I’m sor… hic… ry…”  

“…”  

“Ah, ah… Please forgive me. Spare me. Please…”  

She was scared. Her mother terrified her.  

She sobbed like a child. Even now, in front of her mother, she was still a fourteen-year-old girl. Her mother could not forgive her as she had back then, and in the end, the pain caused her to lose consciousness.  

It hurts.  

She thought she had murmured that before blacking out.  

***

She was bedridden for ten days. Perhaps she didn’t want to recover quickly. She wished the fever that burned her up would turn her into a fool instead.  

But… she regained her senses.  

Her mother wasn’t there. That alone gave her relief. Too weak to get up, she lay still, moving only her eyes to observe her surroundings. Nothing had changed. It was exactly as it had been before she left.  

Was mother outside? If so, I mustn’t go out.  

Even after waking up, she kept her eyes shut. She might have stayed that way if not for the knock at the door.  

The knock was followed by the door opening. She had expected it to be the old servant who always turned a blind eye, but unexpectedly, it was the Baron.  

“Leticia Evris.”  

The Baron’s face remained calm, even though she had been bedridden for ten days. She was used to that. Lying down, she greeted him.  

“Hello, Baron… As you can see, I don’t have the strength to get up.”  

“Indeed.”  

The Baron pulled a chair to the bedside and sat down. 

Did he have something to say?  

“Leave.”  

“…Pardon?”  

“I said, leave.”  

It was an abrupt command. No greeting, just an order to leave.  

There was nowhere for her to go. 

Was it possible that my unapproved visit to the villa and the punishment from mother had displeased him too? Had his goodwill reached its limit?  

“Baron, I’m truly sorry. I left without permission, and that’s why my mother got angry. It’s my fault. So please… just this once, forgive me. Give me another chance. I’ll live as if I’m dead. If we leave, my mother will start using again. Please…”  

“When did I ever say to leave with your mother?”  

“…Pardon?”  

“You’re to leave alone. I’ll give you money, so don’t worry about that.”  

“Why…”  

She couldn’t understand. Why was she being told to leave alone? Was it out of pity or sympathy after seeing her mother beat her? Like the small kindness he had shown her when everyone else had been cold during her childhood? But his expression was too cold and indifferent for that. There was no sign of concern for her.  

“You’ve outlived your usefulness.” 

His unexpected answer left her mind blank.  

Usefulness?  

“You’re no longer needed. Leave Haniel behind and go.”  

What did he mean…?  

“Your mother is disappointed in you. So, leave it at that and go.”  

“…”  

“Judging by your behavior, you’ll never leave on your own. So I’m telling you now.”  

Didn’t the Baron hate my mother?

The look in his eyes back then had clearly wished for her mother’s downfall.  

Could it be that all of this…  

“Was this all your doing, Baron…?”  

“What?”  

“My mother’s gambling addiction, the debts under your subordinate’s name… Was it all you…?”  

The Baron narrowed his eyes and smirked.  

“Did the Arhadan royals tell you that?”  

“Is it not true?”  

“It’s true. But what difference does it make now that you know?”  

Her mouth fell open. The shock rattled her brain. The Baron continued with a faint sneer.  

“Your mother was the one who gambled. I didn’t force her. She’s the one who incurred the debt. In the end, she brought about her own downfall.”  

“Why would you do this…!”  

“Why should I explain myself to you, the Emperor’s daughter?”  

The Baron cut her off, his eyes sharp and filled with undisguised hatred. The small kindness he had shown her in her childhood had been nothing but an act.  

The Baron had hated her. Perhaps even more than he hated her mother.  

His inexplicable hatred stirred anxiety and fear, mixing with her growing unease. With trembling hands, she gripped the sheets tightly.  

“I’ll give you two hours. Leave by then.”  

The Baron threw a heavy pouch of money at her. Even without opening it, she could tell the amount was substantial.  

To someone who had just recovered from an illness, the Baron’s actions felt excessively cold. 

Was this also born out of hatred?  

Why does he hate me…?  

“Is it because I’m the Emperor’s daughter… Is that why you despise me?”  

“Because you’re Haniel and the Emperor’s daughter.”  

The Baron did not deny the word “hatred.” He merely corrected her phrasing.  

Clack. The door closed. She stared blankly at the pouch of money. Her heart beat slowly.  

Was this, too, a betrayal of mother?  

Her well-trained mind immediately thought of that first.  

***

She spent two hours packing clothes and money into a bag before leaving the Baron’s estate. The Baron did not see her off.  

It seemed he had hidden her mother away somewhere, as she hadn’t seen her mother even once before her departure.  

Where should I go?  

Without a destination, she walked and walked.  

There was nowhere to go. No one who knew her. No one who would look for her. If she disappeared, the only person who might search for her would be her mother. But even that would be blocked by the Baron.  

The man listed as her father on paper had abandoned her. She thought she had grown used to being discarded, but it turned out that familiarity didn’t make it any less painful.  

Once again, she realized: no one had ever truly loved her.  

During the ten days she had been bedridden with a fever, Karl Lavresion hadn’t come to see her. Even now, he was nowhere to be seen.  

Foolish Leticia Evris.  

The fact that he called her “Leticia” instead of “Leti” should have been enough of an answer. Yet, like a fool, why did she still think of Karl Lavresion? He had made it clear time and time again that he felt nothing for her.  

He had mocked her.  

As she walked, she found herself at the park they had often visited together. She saw couples sitting on benches and families out enjoying the day. The scenery was peaceful and warm—a stark contrast to her own life.  

There was nowhere to go.  

Not only had she been abandoned by people, but it felt as though she had been forsaken by the world itself. She quietly watched the happy people before leaving the park.  

Suddenly, she thought of Amy, one of the people who had abandoned her.  

Amy…  

Amy had left as soon as Leticia turned fourteen, quitting her job as a tutor. Before leaving, Amy had said to her:  

‘Leticia, if you want to live happily, you need to run away from this house right now. Understand? Make sure you attend the academy.’  

I applied to the academy, Teacher. But I couldn’t go…  

What was she doing now? 

Leticia missed her. Even though Amy hadn’t replied to any of her letters, Leticia still longed to see her.  

“Leticia?”  

Someone called her name. There shouldn’t have been anyone on the streets who would call out to her. There couldn’t have been…  

“Amy…?”  

She covered her mouth with her hands, unable to believe what she was seeing.  

Standing before her was Amy Nellui, her old tutor whom she hadn’t seen in six years. Amy had gained some weight and was now wearing thicker glasses, but there was no mistaking her.  

“What… happened to you? Who did this? What is this?”  

Amy grabbed her chin, turning her head up, down, and sideways. Shock was written all over her face. Leticia couldn’t believe what was happening, even as Amy touched her.  

It felt like a dream. Otherwise, there was no way the heavens, which had always ignored and abandoned her, would now reach out to her in this way.  

“Didn’t you go to the academy? Did you graduate?”  

Even after six years, Amy acted as though they had only met yesterday. Leticia stared at her tutor’s round cheeks before pinching the back of her own hand. It hurt. This wasn’t a dream.  

“Leticia. Are you out of your mind?”  

“How are you here, Teacher…?”  

“I’ve been living here all along. But what about you? Why didn’t you send me a single letter? All the letters I sent you were returned.”  

“What? I sent you five letters, though…”  

“What?”  

Amy’s expression twisted into a comical frown. It was one of her habits when she was annoyed or found something absurd. Seeing her unchanged demeanor brought tears to Leticia’s eyes.  

“That’s impossible. I never received a letter from you! Wait, don’t tell me… you didn’t go to the academy? But your mother told me you had enrolled.”  

“No. I never went.”  

“Damn it. I was an idiot to believe her.”  

Amy cursed sharply, stomping her foot on the ground. Then she grabbed Leticia’s hand.  

“So, you’ve been stuck in that house all this time? I’ve heard all sorts of rumors about your mother. Don’t tell me you stayed by her side through all of that?”  

Since Amy was a citizen of the Empire, she must have known that Leticia’s mother had been abandoned by the Emperor. After some hesitation, Leticia gave a small nod. Amy let out a low sigh before gripping her hand tightly.  

“Leticia. Are you going back to that house?”  

“No…”  

To be precise, she couldn’t go back. She had been thrown out.  

She looked down at Amy, who was now shorter than her. Amy met her gaze with determined eyes and squeezed her hand firmly.  

“Come to my house.”  

“…”  

“Your face is so gaunt. You can’t just stay out here like this.”  

With that, Amy began walking ahead, pulling Leticia along. Despite her smaller frame, Amy seemed so much stronger as she led the way. Watching her back, Leticia finally broke down in tears.  

If this was a dream, she might truly die when she woke up. Sobbing, she prayed.  

If there’s a God, please help me just this once. Please tell me it’s okay to hope. Tell me it’s okay to trust. Tell me it’s okay to rely on someone.  

For the first time since she was fourteen, she desperately called out to a God she had never sought before. 

Just this once, please help me…