Chapter 2.19

She loved her mother. She never wanted to leave her forever. Yet, the more time she spent with her, the more broken she became.  

Now, she had to be the one to sever ties with her mother—for her own sake.  

“Because of you! I crawled out of that house and begged the Emperor like a dog to let me have you!”  

“……”  

“For you! All for you!”  

Her mother’s words pierced her like needles, embedding themselves all over her body. Because of her. Everything was because of her. 

Because of me, my mother had…  

As usual, self-reproach threatened to take over. But this time, she consciously stopped herself. Even if her mother had been hurt because of her, she couldn’t let it consume her. She couldn’t let herself be swayed by her mother’s words.  

Leticia weakly pushed her mother away. Though her strength was feeble, it was enough to anger her mother. Her mother raised her hand and struck her across the face.  

Slap.

The sound echoed loudly. Leticia stumbled, eventually collapsing to the floor. Yet, as her body hit the ground, she felt an odd sense of relief.  

Her mother hadn’t changed.  

She still caused her pain, hurt her, tormented her, and ruined her.  

Her only mother, the one who claimed to love her.  

The desire to understand her mother started to fade. Leticia placed her hand on her stinging cheek. It was hot and tender, as though scratched by fingernails.  

She staggered as she got up from the floor. Her mother’s face remained furious. Leticia quietly looked at her before speaking.  

“Mother… When I was carrying my children, I had a thought.”  

Her voice was dry and cracked.  

“I was an unwanted child too. At first, I wished the baby would die. I even imagined killing it.”  

She had been horrified by herself for having such thoughts. But she couldn’t deny that she had.  

“Was it the same for you, Mother? Did you not want me either? Was it hard for you when you were pregnant with me? Is that why you hated me? Is that why you hurt me?”  

Her mother’s expression twisted. Leticia recognized that look. It was the face her mother made whenever she was displeased or unhappy with something Leticia had said.  

“Is that why you caused me so much pain?”  

“Leticia Evris.”  

“But… it wasn’t like that for me.”  

The feelings she had when she looked at Selina and Killian were nothing like that. They were infinitely precious, so small and fragile, that she wanted to protect them. She wanted to take responsibility for them forever.  

She wanted to love them endlessly, giving them all the love she had never received.  

She wanted to love them as much as she had longed to be loved. Far from resenting them, she felt sorry for bringing them into the world as illegitimate children. That made her want to care for them even more.  

“Now I understand. Mother, why did you treat me like that when I was so young?”  

As a child, she had been the Emperor’s only illegitimate child, valuable for her mere existence. Yet, at other times, she was nothing more than a disgraceful, shameful bastard.  

There was no consideration for her in those labels. In every moment of her fractured life, she had been judged, criticized, and left crying.  

Back then, there had been no adult who genuinely cared for her—not even her mother, who claimed to “love” her.  

“Why couldn’t you love me? Why couldn’t you see me? Why couldn’t you cherish me?”  

“Are you blaming me now? You?”  

“Yes! I blame you, Mother!”  

Her mother’s eyes widened in shock.  

Leticia hadn’t realized she had this kind of strength. It was the first time she had ever lashed out at her mother while she was fully conscious.  

“I hate you, Mother. Why did you treat me that way?”  

“How could you… How could you say that? You know better than anyone how I was treated in that household! You know better than anyone!”  

“I do! That’s why I resent you even more. You never once protected me from them!”  

As a child, she had always been on edge, anxious, and desperate for even the smallest act of kindness. She had spent her days walking on eggshells, hoping for a scrap of goodwill.  

The little girl who had cowered in silence and fear had grown into a woman who couldn’t overcome her wounds. She was someone who constantly sought approval, doubted every act of kindness, and questioned sincerity at every turn.  

She had become someone who called herself a fool, cursed herself as stupid, and scolded herself for believing everything was her fault.  

Her mother was silent for a long moment, staring at her with a blank expression as if she had lost her words.  

“I will protect my children from you, Mother.”  

At the very least, she wouldn’t let her children live the same life she had. She wanted to go somewhere where no one knew her, to live quietly with her children. She wanted to embrace all their pain and sorrow herself.  

“So, please leave. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”  

“…You, you.”  

Her mother’s voice came out as a strangled sound.  

“Are you saying you want to cut ties with me?”  

Leticia bit her lower lip hard. She couldn’t bring herself to say it outright, but the answer was clear.  

She nodded.  

Her mother’s eyes wavered. Shock, disbelief, and betrayal mingled in her gaze, so intense that even Leticia could feel it.  

Time passed, and tears began to stream down her mother’s face.  

“How could you… How could you turn your back on me too…?”  

Her mother’s sobbing voice made her heart sink instinctively. Once again, her lower lip bled. And once again, she swallowed the blood.  

Her heart still ached, but she was also tired of it all.  

“You’re all I have… If you leave too, I… I…”  

She knew how lonely and difficult her mother’s life had been. She knew her mother longed to be loved. She knew her mother had her own reasons.  

But even so, she had to leave her mother.  

For herself and for her children.  

Tears streamed endlessly down her mother’s face. The sorrow and shock in her eyes soon turned into anger and fury. Clenching her teeth, her mother glared at her.

“You ungrateful wretch! After all I did to raise you and clothe you, you repay me like this? In the end, you spread your legs for a man and changed, didn’t you? Huh? You don’t need me anymore, is that it?”

Her mother’s hand grabbed her hair.  

“Ah!” 

A scream escaped her lips. Her mother yanked her hair and swung her hand wide. The pain was sharp, as if her scalp was being torn apart, and she collapsed to the floor.  

“Ugh…”  

A groan slipped out, followed by a bitter laugh. She found it ridiculous that she was still being beaten by her mother. Staggering, she got back on her feet. As expected, her mother’s hand held a clump of her hair.  

Her mother swung her hand again, but this time, Leticia didn’t take it lying down. She stepped back, dodging the blow. Her mother let out a sharp cry and swung again, but Leticia avoided it once more.  

“You little—!”  

Unable to contain her anger, her mother stomped her foot in frustration. This time, Leticia couldn’t dodge. Her mother’s sharp hand struck her head.  

Thud. 

Her body jolted from the impact, her back hitting the wall. A dull ache spread through her back, while a stinging pain radiated from her head.  

“Haa…”  

Tears welled up in her eyes. Her wrist, which had hit the wall, began to throb painfully. It was the same wrist that had only just started to heal after resting and taking medicine.  

She saw her mother’s raised hand. 

Ah, this is going to hurt again.

Fear surged, followed by resignation.  

I’m so powerless against this pain.

To feel less pain, Leticia raised her hands to shield her head and tightly closed her eyes.  

Thud.

The sound echoed.  

But what she felt wasn’t the blinding pain she had expected. Instead, it was the firm, steady warmth of someone’s body. Her eyes instinctively opened. A familiar scent filled her nose.  

Karl Lavresion had wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his broad chest as if to shield her completely.  

When had he come here?  

She hadn’t even noticed him approach. That’s how quickly he had embraced her. She stayed still in his arms, listening to the sounds that followed.  

Thud. Thud. Thud.

The dull sound of fists hitting flesh echoed, but she felt no pain. His embrace remained unshaken.  

He was taking her mother’s blows in her place.  

“Who are you? Get out of the way! Move! Give her back! Give me my daughter!”  

Her mother screamed, having lost all sense of reason. Her shrill voice echoed through the hallway.  

Leticia couldn’t blink. She felt dazed, as if she were in a dream.  

Karl Lavresion said nothing. He didn’t tell her mother to stop. He simply stood there, silently enduring the blows.  

“Why…”  

The word slipped out before she realized it. She looked up at him from within his arms. His gaze was already fixed on her, as if it had been all along.  

“You’ve always been hit like this, haven’t you?” 

She opened her mouth but no words came out.  

“You’ve endured it all alone, haven’t you?”  

“……”  

“And you blamed yourself for it, didn’t you, Leticia?”  

When his final question ended, something deep within her chest burst open. Uncontrollable tears began to flow.  

“It’s… it’s my fault…”  

“No.”  

“It’s all… all because of me…”  

“It’s not your fault.”  

Her tears soaked his chest. She knew this, but she couldn’t stop crying. It was as if all the tears she had held back were pouring out at once.  

It’s not your fault. 

Those were the words she had longed to hear the most.