Chapter 2.21

“Leti, I’m sorry. If you’re upset about what happened today, I promise it won’t happen again. Really.”  

For the first time, he interrupted her, his voice urgent. His troubled eyes revealed guilt and desperation. Leticia shook her head.  

“No, I’m not upset.”  

It was bound to happen eventually. She had needed to confront her mother at some point, whether he was there or not. Her mother’s actions would have been the same.  

“But you were hurt because of me. It’s clearly my fault…”  

“It’s fine. It’s between my mother and me.”  

Her mother’s *buse wasn’t new. What hurt more was having her innermost feelings trampled on.  

“Did your mother hit you often?”  

“Not often…”  

“Since when?”  

“Since I was little.”  

Anger flickered in Karl Lavresion’s eyes, but he didn’t express it aloud. Instead, he asked calmly,  

“What about the Emperor and the Baron? Didn’t they stop her?”  

The Emperor hadn’t even known she was being hit, and the Baron, who had witnessed it, had pretended not to see. His indifference had emboldened her mother. Before being caught, her mother had pinched or hit her in hidden places. After being caught, the *buse escalated to slapping her face or striking her head. That had started when she was twelve.  

From that time until now, at the age of twenty-one…  

She hadn’t been hit often. Once or twice a year, at most. It was only recently, as she began to defy her mother more frequently, that the intensity and frequency of the violence had increased.  

“Let’s leave Chevrem immediately.”  

“……”  

“Come with me to Arhadan, Leti.”  

Even though she had clearly told him earlier that she would leave him, he acted as if he hadn’t heard. She shook her head.  

“I can’t go to an unfamiliar foreign land, relying solely on you.”  

He furrowed his brows and let out a frustrated sigh. His hand gripped the sheets tightly.  

“I know I haven’t earned your trust. But I’m not the kind of person who would take you to an unfamiliar land and abandon you irresponsibly.”  

Even if that were true, she wouldn’t go. She watched him silently as he groaned in frustration.  

The light in his golden eyes flickered briefly before fading again. The shoulders of the man who always seemed so confident and self-assured slumped. His expression twisted in anguish.  

“Come to think of it… I’ve never given you a reason to trust me.”  

“……”  

“And yet I ask you to trust me.”  

Karl Lavresion let out a hollow laugh. It was closer to a self-deprecating smile. Seeing him like that, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.  

It wasn’t entirely his fault. She didn’t want to blame or corner him.  

“It’s my own doing…”  

Karl Lavresion pressed a hand to his forehead. With his head lowered, she couldn’t see his expression. She bit her lip and averted her gaze.  

Silence filled the room. This time, he didn’t attempt to break it. That night, she slept for a long time with him by her side, not leaving. She didn’t have nightmares.  

***

The physician visited her once a day. By diligently taking her medicine and applying the prescribed treatments, the pain had completely subsided after about a week.  

Her wrist no longer ached, and even when she moved her body vigorously, there was no pain. She could hold Killian and Selina without discomfort, and that brought her the most joy.  

What delighted her even more was hearing Selina and Killian call her “Mama.”  

“M-ma… Mama.”  

Selina was the first to speak, and then Killian followed, calling her “Mama” as well. She was so overwhelmed with joy that tears nearly welled up.  

As the pain subsided, she spent almost every waking moment with Killian and Selina. Just watching them made her happy.  

Having been unable to care for them much while she was unwell, she wanted to make up for it by giving them twice as much love and attention.  

Selina was mischievous. She teased Killian, who was crawling, by blocking his path or nudging him. Killian, though timid, was clear in expressing his feelings, and he showed his displeasure whenever Selina played tricks on him. Watching the two bicker was amusing.  

At the end of each day, after spending time with the children, she would return to her room to find Karl Lavresion there.  

Since that day, they had barely spoken. Occasionally, he would ask if she was in pain, and that was all.  

It was time to leave. She had already sent a letter to Amy.  

“…I’ll leave tomorrow.”  

She finally said the words she had been preparing to say. His shoulders flinched.  

“I know it’s shameless of me, but… could I borrow a carriage?”  

He stared at her in silence. The dim orange light from the small lamp on the table cast shadows across his face, obscuring his expression. Yet she could tell that his eyes were dark and heavy.  

After a long pause, he finally spoke, his voice slow and deliberate.  

“There’s no chance you’ll reconsider?”  

“…None.”  

Her voice came out firmer than she had intended. He bit his lip and turned his head away.  

“Not even a little?”  

“None at all.”  

His head dropped. Unable to bear the sight, she lowered her own gaze.  

Tonight was their last night together. She wanted to place her hand over his on the bed, to hold him one last time. She wanted to say that she wanted to feel his presence, his scent, one last time.  

But she didn’t say any of this. She worried that doing so would leave her with lingering regrets. That it would make her reluctant to leave.  

“…I’ll have everything ready by morning.”  

“……”  

“I’m sorry, Leti, for pretending not to know how you felt.”  

Hearing his trembling voice, she instinctively raised her head. The moment she saw his face, her entire body froze.  

“I’m sorry for being selfish…”  

He was crying silently. It was the first time she had seen him cry, and it felt like her heart had dropped to the floor.  

Tears welled up in his golden eyes and rolled down his cheeks. Her heart began to race uncontrollably.  

Her throat tightened, and she couldn’t say anything. She could feel her pulse pounding throughout her body.  

Time passed, and Karl Lavresion, who had been waiting for a response, finally staggered to his feet. Slowly, he walked to the door, then turned to look at her. His gaze seemed to plead with her to stop him. She placed her hand over her wildly beating heart and looked away.  

The door closed with a soft click.  

It was over between them. This was the end. Truly, the end…  

As the realization sank in, tears began to flow. She had been fine. She had been certain this was the right decision. It had to be the right choice—for her, for the children.  

But the tears wouldn’t stop. She pulled her knees up and buried her face in them, crying for what felt like an eternity.  

Sleep eluded her.  

***

She spent the night wide awake, only managing to doze off for a few hours before rising to prepare to leave the palace. She didn’t have much to pack—just a few changes of clothes for herself. Her main concern was the children.  

She went to find them first. Bowing deeply to the nanny who had cared for them, she expressed her gratitude.  

“Thank you for everything.”  

“It’s I who should thank you.”  

The nanny’s eyes held a hint of pity and sadness. Leticia smiled as brightly as she could and hugged Selina and Killian tightly. Holding both children in her arms, she felt their weight. It was difficult to carry both at once, so she placed them in a double stroller.  

Outside the palace gates, a carriage awaited her. Karl Lavresion and Hans stood nearby. Ronan was absent.  

Approaching the carriage, Hans took the luggage from the nanny and loaded it into the carriage. He then carefully placed the stroller with the twins inside the carriage. Throughout, he kept glancing at her with a look that suggested he had much to say.  

Hans had asked to speak with her privately a few days earlier, but she had declined.  

“…If you’d like, I can assign you an attendant.”  

“No, I’d prefer to be alone.”  

She felt his piercing gaze but kept her focus on his chest as she spoke.  

“Take care.”  

“……”  

He didn’t respond to her farewell. With the help of his attendants, she climbed into the carriage. Before the door closed, she glanced at him. He wasn’t looking at her. His vacant eyes stared into the distance.  

“Goodbye, Karl.”  

The door shut. Soon, the carriage began to move. The stroller swayed gently, waking the children, who began to cry.  

“Shh, Killian. Selina. It’s okay. Everything’s okay. It’ll all be fine.”  

She wasn’t sure if she was speaking to the children or to herself.  

It’s okay. Everything will be fine.  

It’s okay. From now on, I need to stand on my own. I can do it.  

She whispered these words like a mantra until the children’s cries subsided. Once they quieted down, she let out a sigh and turned her head to look out the small carriage window at the scenery outside.  

She saw people walking the streets dressed in muted colors. Their shirts were buttoned all the way up to their necks. The sight reminded her of her first meeting with Karl Lavresion. He had teased then, asking if Chevrem’s people were uncomfortable with bare skin and why they insisted on buttoning their shirts all the way up.  

Just as he had said, most people had their shirts buttoned to the top. She was no exception. She glanced at her own neck, hidden beneath her clothes, and carefully untied the neatly tied ribbon before unbuttoning her shirt. Her neck was exposed, just as his had been. He would have undone two or three more buttons here.  

A soft chuckle escaped her lips. Then, suddenly, the laughter stopped. Without realizing it, her eyes filled with tears.  

The heart was such a fickle thing. Even with her resolve, she couldn’t help but feel lingering regret and sadness. Logic and emotion were entirely separate realms.  

To avoid crying, she forced herself to look up and blinked hard. Thankfully, the tears didn’t fall.  

***

Amy greeted her enthusiastically when she arrived at her house. Upon seeing the twins in the stroller, Amy let out a near-squeal of excitement.  

“Oh my gosh! They’re so cute! So adorable!”  

The children, startled by her loud voice, burst into tears, and only then did Amy hurriedly cover her mouth. Leticia laughed out loud at the sight.  

She hadn’t planned to stay long in front of Amy’s house. She only intended to retrieve the belongings she had left behind. Amy handed her a bag.  

“Leticia, are you really leaving? You can stay longer if you want. It’s really fine. Hugo said it was okay too.”  

“No, I’ve already imposed on you too much. What you’ve done is more than enough.”  

She wanted to stand on her own now rather than rely on others. She had come to understand that she wouldn’t be satisfied no matter whose side she was on.  

“Thank you for everything. Truly, thank you, Teacher.”  

She bowed deeply to Amy. Amy was the person she was most grateful for in her life. As a small token of gratitude, she took some money from the bag and handed it to her.  

“…What’s this?”  

“You must have spent a lot because of me—on hospital bills, food, and so on.”  

“I’m not taking this. Don’t give it to me.”  

Amy’s tone turned stern, and she even looked slightly offended. Leticia had no choice but to put the money back.  

In the end, she boarded the carriage without being able to give Amy anything. Amy helped load the stroller into the carriage. She then bid farewell to the children inside.  

“Goodbye, see you again, kids.”  

The children wiggled their fingers in response, as if saying goodbye. The carriage door closed, and Leticia waved at Amy through the small window.  

Goodbye, Amy. Hugo.  

Goodbye, Mother. Baron and the Emperor too.  

Goodbye, Rebram.  

Goodbye, Karl Lavresion…  

She bid farewell to all the connections she had made and to Rebram, which she was leaving behind. It was time for a new beginning.