Chapter 3.1 – About Love

She settled in a village called Hennel, about three hours away from the capital by carriage. It was a small village with fewer than 100 residents. She had deliberately chosen a place with a small population, where news from the capital arrived as late as possible, but she couldn’t help worrying that someone might recognize her.  

Fortunately, the villagers welcomed her warmly. They told her it had been 50 years since an outsider had settled there and even held a welcome party for her on her first day in the village. Those who knew about her mother were curious but showed no hostility towards her. It was a great relief.  

However, when they asked about the children’s father and she couldn’t provide a proper answer, their expressions soured.  

“Is it going to take a long time for the father to arrive?”  

“Well… actually… there is no father. It’s just me.”  

“What?”  

At her words, all the scattered gazes of the villagers focused on her in an instant. Feeling the weight of so many eyes, she broke into a cold sweat.  

“What? There’s no father? Did he abandon you after getting you pregnant? Did he shirk his responsibility?”  

“…Yes.”  

At one woman’s question, she had no choice but to tell a well-intentioned lie. The villagers let out low sighs of disapproval.  

“What a scumbag!”  

“He’s a disgrace to men!”  

The villagers, one after another, cursed the children’s father. Karl Lavresion, unbeknownst to him, was being thoroughly insulted by strangers.  

She awkwardly laughed and nodded along with their words. As guilty as she felt, Karl Lavresion had to play the villain if she was to live peacefully here.  

Despite her explanation, some of the elderly villagers still looked at her with disapproval.  

It seemed… a completely pleasant life here was out of the question.  

But there was nothing she could do. She had expected this. Hiding her unease, she smiled as brightly as she could at the villagers. It was the best she could do.  

***

Unfortunately, she didn’t know how to do much. She couldn’t sew, farm, or raise livestock.  

There was nothing she could do in this village. The only skills she had were brewing tea and making drinks, but there was no café in this small village.  

Even after buying a house and necessary furniture and supplies with the money the Baron had given her, she still had money left over. While she could have lived off her savings, she didn’t want to.  

She couldn’t live her whole life idly, and doing so would only invite misunderstanding and judgmental stares.  

She thought back to her time working at the café. At first, it had been hard, but later, she had come to enjoy it. The only problem was that there was no café in this village.  

In that case… why not open one myself?  

It was a daunting and overwhelming idea. Someone as inexperienced as her, preparing to open and run a business while dealing with people, was bound to face difficulties.  

Still, she decided to take on the challenge. She would have to do everything herself from start to finish, knowing nothing, but she was determined.  

While raising Selina and Killian, she prepared to open the café. Meanwhile, Selina and Killian grew rapidly. They were now able to stand and walk, understand what she said, speak simple words, and even hand her things.  

“Mom give me.”  

Selina pointed to a cup and spoke. Smiling, she handed Selina the cup filled with water. Selina drank it on her own, gulping it down. It was endearing.  

Seeing Selina, Killian followed suit, speaking and drinking water. As twins, they imitated and learned from each other. Even when they slept, they held hands tightly.  

She thought to herself, 

I’m fine without Karl Lavresion. For now…  

It wasn’t that she didn’t think of him. Sometimes, his face came to mind, and she would pause whatever she was doing. When she looked at the night sky, she thought of his golden eyes that had shone like stars. When she saw people drinking beer, she remembered the first time she had shared a beer with him. When the wind tousled her hair, she thought of his red hair swaying in the breeze.  

She also saw traces of him in the children’s faces. Especially when she looked at Selina, who was the spitting image of him. Seeing Selina’s smiling face reminded her of Karl Lavresion’s crinkled eyes and the corners of his mouth lifted in a grin.  

Her longing for him hadn’t disappeared yet.  

Whenever she missed him, she held the children tightly in her arms. For a moment, it helped ease her yearning for him.  

Is he thinking of me too?

Selfishly, she hoped he was. She hoped he hadn’t forgotten her. She hoped he thought of her as much as she thought of him.  

But she didn’t want him to suffer. She hoped he was doing well. If he thought of her only occasionally, that would be enough for her. Truly, that would be enough.  

Be well, Karl.  

I’m doing well.  

She silently whispered the words she wanted to say to him. Even if they would never reach him…  

***

After the carriage carrying Leticia and the twins left, Karl Lavresion stood frozen in place for a long time. He simply stared at the spot where they had disappeared. Eventually, Hans, unable to watch any longer, brought him a coat and handed it to him.  

“Your Highness, it’s cold.”  

But Karl Lavresion, as if he hadn’t heard, didn’t respond to Hans’s words.  

“Your Highness.”  

When Hans looked into his eyes, he flinched. His golden eyes, once vibrant, were now dark and lifeless. They seemed empty, like a hollow shell.  

Standing still, Karl Lavresion finally spoke.  

“If I hadn’t approached her with that intention… would things have turned out differently?”  

As he spoke, he realized once again that he had made a mistake from the very beginning.  

When they first met in front of the Imperial Palace, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He had been captivated at first sight.  

The jet-black hair and ocean-blue eyes he saw had stirred something within him, but he had dismissed it as mere l*st.  

When she stiffened and looked at him warily, all he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss her.  

He thought it was nothing but desire. Foolishly so.

If I had approached Leticia Evris with sincerity from the start, even feigning politeness, would things have turned out differently?  

“If only I hadn’t said such things…”

By their second meeting, he had already realized that she was a sensitive and wounded woman. Yet, knowing this, he still made thoughtless comments about her being “convenient.” He had known better than anyone that she was earnest and genuine in everything she did, yet he had treated her lightly. He had deliberately acted kind, deliberately maintained eye contact, and smiled at her, simply because he found her reactions amusing.

It had been entertaining to see her mood shift in response to him. That was all it had been—a shallow amusement.

But now, he realized the truth. He had simply enjoyed seeing Leticia Evris blush when she looked at him. He had liked seeing her smile back at him. He had wanted that, and so he had feigned kindness toward her.

And yet, he had regarded her as naive and foolish. In reality, the foolish one had been none other than himself.

The more time he spent alone with her at the villa, the more he realized something was wrong. He had thought he would grow tired of her after a day, but instead, he found himself enjoying her company more and more. He wanted to know more about her—what she liked, what she disliked. But he didn’t want to admit his feelings.

So he had mocked and belittled love. He had told himself he wouldn’t take responsibility. He had known all too well how she felt about him.

He told himself that love was an illusion, just l*st, not a noble emotion. He believed it was a fleeting feeling, not worth clinging to.  

What he said to Leticia Evris, he also said to himself. He had never believed in “love” before. The thought of being consumed by love terrified and disgusted him.  

So, he ran away. He kept his distance. Because if he didn’t, he feared he would fall into the very love he had mocked. Although, in truth, he had already fallen for her long before.  

This was not the outcome he had wanted. Yet, his actions had led to this. Everything was his doing.  

He regretted everything. From beginning to end, everything.  

Knowing his faults, he couldn’t cling to her. He didn’t have the right to ask for forgiveness.  

Only when she was free from the oppressive emotion of love would she be able to stand on her own. He believed she would only be happy without him.  

He couldn’t hold onto her.  

No, perhaps he should have begged her, even if it meant breaking down in tears. He should have confessed that, whether she believed him or not, he had truly loved her. That his feelings were never shallow. He should have pleaded with her…  

But even this was his selfish desire. Knowing that, he couldn’t act on it.  

He had acted on his selfish desires until now, so for once, he wanted to honor Leticia Evris’s wishes. He wanted to wish for her happiness and peace.  

Even so… he couldn’t respond to her farewell. He couldn’t answer her goodbye. Because he wasn’t fine. He couldn’t smile and wave.  

Karl Lavresion stared at the place where she had left, again and again. There wasn’t a single trace of her departure. Perhaps she hadn’t left after all. Perhaps she was still there.  

Thinking of her lying in bed, he dashed into the room she had stayed in like a madman.  

But all that remained was a neatly folded blanket.  

He opened the wardrobe. The few clothes she had were all gone. He searched the room, opening drawers and looking for her. But there wasn’t even a trace left behind. There was nothing. The room was empty.  

She wasn’t there.  

She had left.  

Leticia Evris had left. He could no longer see her.  

His mind went blank. He felt no pain, no emotion. He was numb. His thoughts were empty.  

Just as before, Karl Lavresion stood frozen in Leticia Evris’s room for a long time.