Chapter 3

“You’re still alive. That’s a relief.”

“You know you woke me up, yet again… Never mind. Sorry, but could you just leave?”

Whenever Rox returned to the mansion, seeking her out was always routine, but Audrenette didn’t want to entertain such troublesome schedules today. Claiming she was unwell was just an excuse to stay holed up in her bedroom all day.

As time passed, she felt her body growing heavier and swelling. Especially her eyelids, so puffy that even opening her eyes was difficult.

Unless she chased Rox out, all the words she’d failed to say to Hussian seemed ready to fly out at him instead, so Audrenette bit her lip hard. Instinctively, she lowered her head as her eyes stung.

Watching her sigh deeply and her gaze fall weakly, Rox carefully walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. His large, cool hand gently swept away the tepid heat from her damp forehead.

“Are you alright?”

Her face looked rather serious.

His violet eyes, so much like hers, soon filled with worry. Of course, the words he muttered quietly so she wouldn’t hear were nothing of the sort.

Feeling stifled by his warmth, she dropped her head, and Rox, after briefly removing his hand, scrutinized her face with persistent eyes, then grabbed her cheek again with a grave expression and kneaded it mercilessly.

“You’ve got a fever, too.”

She couldn’t see how having a fever related to him kneading her face. He didn’t know what hurt, or why she was sick.

She just wanted him to leave quickly—nothing else mattered.

But Audrenette didn’t even have the energy to get angry, so she merely wrinkled her brow and let out a weak, excited breath.

“I came because I had news I wanted to tell you, but you really don’t look well.”

He solemnly diagnosed her as if it were obvious, saying she seemed to have a cold, then stood up.

“If you want to hear it, I can tell you. Are you curious?”

He was itching to talk, trying to stir her interest, but Audrenette genuinely wasn’t curious and shook her head gently.

“No.”

“…But if you hear it, you’ll really be surprised…”

Unwilling to give up, Rox tried again, but Audrenette answered even more firmly. No. She wasn’t curious.

“…That’s a shame.”

Rox muttered, scrunching his nose, then scooped up the disheveled Audrenette.

“Anyway, you should sleep properly. If you sleep like this, you won’t be able to straighten your back in the morning.”

He kindly and meticulously brought the blanket, which was barely hanging off the edge of the bed, and tucked it up to her chin, then straightened his back and steadied his rough breathing.

“Ugh, I’m exhausted.”

Seeing Rox so dramatically show his fatigue, Audrenette whispered quietly, feeling oddly unsettled.

“…You haven’t been exercising lately, have you?”

Rox stared at her and reluctantly nodded. Well, yes. It’s been a long time since he went to the training grounds.

This was exactly when a harmless lie should be used.

“Anyway, this bedroom is really…”

Rox glanced at the shawl, dress, and shoes tossed into the middle of the bedroom. No matter how unwell or moody his sister was, she would never throw her clothes everywhere and collapse on the bed. For things to have gotten this bad…

She must really be sick, or in a bad mood. It had to be one or the other.

So, no matter how freely she lived, he couldn’t say everything he wanted in front of her.

Even if he was dying to talk.

Right now, Audrenette looked just like a sick baby mole. Wrapped in a fluffy blanket, frowning at the slightest bit of light that seeped in.

He’d never actually seen a real mole, but anyway.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“…It’s nothing.”

Audrenette, sensing the meaning in his gaze, turned away with a sulky, frowning face. Things she’d normally ignore now felt overly sensitive.

“Anyway, I’ll get going. Do you need anything?”

“…Water.”

“Alright. I’ll bring it, just stay in bed.”

As the sound of the door closing and darkness returned, Audrenette closed her eyes.

Her head ached, and her heart ached even more. The night waiting for her would be long and lonely—how was she supposed to endure it? Lying alone in the quiet bedroom, his face kept surfacing in her mind.

He was probably fine.

The thought that she was the only one suffering made her feel wronged, and her whole body ached. When would she finally be able to feel nothing? When would it all be so distant she wouldn’t even think of it? Not even a day had passed, yet that day felt impossibly far away.

Still, if she kept holding on, maybe she’d be alright someday. Maybe she’d shake it off as nothing. Audrenette rolled over, and tears welled up and spilled out again.

＊＊＊

“……”

A shabby castle on arid land. Only the rough wind lingered there for a moment. A man with red eyes stared endlessly at the sky, shrouded in pale smoke, his face cold, before closing his eyes. His faded gray robe rippled like waves.

“Sir, most of the preparations are finished.”

A knight quietly spoke, having approached unnoticed. Yet the man did not open his eyes again, nor did he look at his subordinate. He merely tilted his head back and stayed still. His tightly shut lips made his jawline stand out even more. The knight waited for his answer for a moment, then bowed briefly as if used to it.

“I’ll go ahead and check.”

“……”

With the man still silent, the knight turned and walked away with heavy steps. How much more time passed? The man, alone at his post, slowly opened his eyes again. The whites of his eyes, reddened as much as his irises, were streaked with veins. He blinked several times, then finally raised his hand.

He rubbed his eyelids roughly, then gently massaged his reddened lids and blinked again. Only when a few tears rolled down did his eyes finally find some comfort, and he sighed in relief.

He’d only checked the sky for a moment, but sand blown in by the wind had stuck to his eyes again. So dry, it wouldn’t come off easily.

Even around the castle, the desolation was the same, and the fierce wind never lost its strength… The redness around his eyes showed no sign of fading.

Afraid something else might get in his eyes again, he squinted at the scenery beyond the castle walls, then turned away without hesitation. Never again, absolutely never again would he set foot here. He vowed firmly.

＊＊＊

For the past few days, Audrenette’s life had been both simple and complicated.

Using illness as an excuse, she avoided meals with her family, eating alone in her bedroom. Eating was more like pretending—tearing bread into pieces and scattering them, or wetting her throat with soup instead of water.

At night, she would sneak down to the cellar and bring up a bottle of wine from the huge display case. Then she’d drag a low chair to the big window in her bedroom, sit there late at night, and drink straight from the bottle while making friends with the dark scenery outside.

It wasn’t something she would ever do normally, but now wasn’t the time to worry about dignity or propriety.

“May the carriage wheels get stuck in the mud every time it rains. Or may he sneeze weirdly during a meeting and embarrass himself…”

After a swig, she wiped her mouth and, looking at the bright moon that seemed ready to spill, wished for small misfortunes to befall Hussian. After a while, she’d collapse onto her bed and cry for hours, then morning would come.

A bottle or two wasn’t enough to get her drunk. Her body felt fine, but her heart ached.

But even this only lasted a day or two.

She couldn’t stay trapped in sorrow forever.

Even if her feelings for him lingered in her heart, she couldn’t let them consume her. Time was too precious, and she felt sorry for her family, who worried behind her back because she couldn’t bring herself to talk openly.

And most of all, she was frustrated with herself for fretting over something she couldn’t change.

The best thing was to avoid getting hurt, but if she was already wounded, she had to treat it and drain the pain, even if it stung or left a scar. She couldn’t just leave it festering.

Audrenette left her bedroom with a pale face. She decided, slowly, to unfold the daily life she’d tucked away.

＊＊＊

“I see.”

Wanting to shake off her gloom in the warm sunlight, Audrenette went out to the garden for the first time in a while, lifting her teacup with a haggard face. Watching the flowers just beginning to bud, she suddenly recalled moments spent strolling with him. But she couldn’t let such memories scare her into staying shut in her bedroom.

“Isn’t it really amazing? I was surprised too.”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

Honestly, she wasn’t amazed. But Audrenette forced a gentle smile and answered kindly.

This morning, she owed Rox a debt—a debt he didn’t know about.

‘Strangely, the gifted bottles of liquor keep disappearing, one by one.’

At breakfast with her family for the first time in ages, her father, Earl Heden, spoke in a suspicious tone, clearly directing his gaze at Rox.

‘……!’

She’d disposed of the empty bottles separately, and with so much liquor, she hadn’t expected anyone to notice. Though she felt uneasy, she was quickly ruled out as a suspect… Poor Rox was scolded for something he hadn’t done while she kept eating, pretending not to know.

‘Why do you always suspect me first whenever something happens, Father? I’m really innocent this time!’

‘Think about what you’ve done. Isn’t it natural to suspect you?’

‘…I understand, but I really had nothing to do with it. You know I can’t even handle alcohol!’

‘Rox. I can forgive anything but lying. Tell the truth.’

Rox’s sad eyes as he protested to the end were heartbreaking. But Audrenette couldn’t bring herself to confess that she was the one who drank it.

…Since someone had to be scolded, maybe it was better for just one person to take the blame, rather than both.