Chapter 3

Her place was one of the staff quarters in the rear garden of Ryu Gil-jae. The rear garden was a small corner of the mansion that no one from Ryu Gil-jae ever visited. She and her mother had lived in a one-room with a bathroom there since she was five.

She passed through the rear garden and entered her room; everything was just as she’d left it that morning.

“What’s this? Did Mom not come home at all today?”

The housekeepers at Ryu Gil-jae worked in three shifts, and as far as she knew, today her mother was on the 9 p.m. shift. That meant she should have been home until 9 p.m., but there was no sign anyone had been in the house. She couldn’t guess where her mother had been during her off hours.

“Haven’t seen Mom much lately….”

She murmured to herself as she took off her wet clothes and washed up. She was busy with tutoring and studying, but lately it had been even harder to see her mother.

“Isn’t it sad for your mom to keep suffering like this? Right? You should let her rest now.”

Kyung-won’s words came back, and she sighed again.

Her mother married her father because she got pregnant. Her father wasn’t a first-time groom, and although his ex-wife was raising his child, he already had a kid, but her mother made that reckless choice anyway. And as a result, she’d spent her whole life chased by loan shark debt.

“I didn’t know there was loan shark debt… I just thought we had some debt. But since we were both healthy, I thought we could pay it off if we worked hard. And I didn’t want to get rid of you. I grew up an orphan, so I really needed a family.”

“No, but….”

“I loved him. I loved your father so much… I couldn’t help it, even if it was a pit of fire.”

Her mother said she truly loved her father. At least her father had reformed by then. He lived until she was three, working hard until he died in an accident. It was tragic, but the principal of the loan shark debt hadn’t been paid down at all, and her mother inherited it.

She’d always thought that if she hadn’t been born, her mother might not have married her father.

No, even if her mother had just gotten rid of her….

She closed her eyes and flopped onto the bed. She was sick of being the result of that fiery love. But disgust didn’t change reality. So thinking about reality was better.

After graduation, she could earn more. She’d helped a lot with tutoring, but since she’d been studying at the same time, her mother had paid most of the interest. Now it was her turn to let her mother rest.

She’d thought about it many times. Even if the pharmacist market wasn’t great now, if she worked herself to the bone, she could earn more than her mother. Then she could move out and get a small place, start paying the interest herself….

But she still couldn’t see a way forward.

The principal was enormous, and with interest and living expenses, there was no way to pay it off. Even if she chipped away at it, it would take a lifetime. Here, at least, room and board were covered, so she had no living expenses. But if she moved out, everything would cost money….

Whenever she thought about it, useless despair and depression came back.

If only her mother had just gotten rid of her….

It wasn’t just for her mother—it was for herself, too.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t see a future. No matter how hard she ran, the tunnel’s end was out of reach. She wondered why her parents had created this life.

“Honestly, if you stay like this, that’s the only path left for you.”

She hated and feared the monstrous future waiting at the end of the tunnel. She didn’t want to live in the shadowy world like Kyung-won, nor did she want to live in high society like Ryu-il. She just… just wanted ordinary days and nights.

Was that really so hard…?

She glanced at her desk in the corner of the room. Old notebooks labeled ‘Ryu-il’ were stacked there.

“It’s simple. Sleep with Ryu-il a few times. Then your mother’s and your debt is gone.”

There was a reason she felt so miserable even as she refused Kyung-won’s suggestion.

Ryu-il was her first love.

She couldn’t say her first love was over. Just… Ryu-il was the only man she’d ever liked.

She slowly sat up and opened one of the old notebooks. Neat handwriting filled the pages.

Since she was eight, they’d only exchanged glances and a few superficial words, never getting close again. But whenever she saw him, he was almost dazzling. To be honest, sometimes the smile Ryu-il saved just for her, his gentle kindness that showed he hadn’t forgotten their childhood, made her feel special. Ryu-il shone even from afar.

After years like that, one day Ryu-il came looking for her in the rear garden. It was just after her first high school midterms.

“They say you’re good at studying even without cram school. But as you move up grades, it might get tough.”

Back then, he was already a college student at Korea University’s business department. With the freshness of youth, Ryu-il looked almost like a prince from a faraway land. Knowing he was always cold and distant in the house except when he saw her made her heart flutter helplessly.

He handed her a stack of notebooks with his name on them.

“Use these for reference. They’ll help a lot.”

Even if he’d been raised by staff, he was still a Wigang heir. Before college entrance exams, he must have had the best tutors. If he’d collected the best material, it would obviously help.

“…Thank you, Young Master.”

He didn’t react to her calling him ‘Young Master’ but spoke in a low voice.

“I won’t be able to answer questions.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t expect….”

“I’m enlisting soon.”

At his calm words, she looked up in surprise. They hardly saw each other anyway, but she didn’t know why that surprised her so much, or why she felt so sad.

“Thank you so much. I’ll use them well and return them to you when I’m done.”

“Okay.”

Perhaps it was from that moment. That’s when her quietly stirring first love began in earnest.

The yellow flowers blooming in the rear garden, the lawn exuding the fresh scent of grass after the rain, and the sunlight pouring white behind Ryu-il.

The gentle gaze of the older boy she used to play with, met again after so long, the delight lingering in the awkward silence. She still couldn’t forget any part of that day.

Back then, high school courses were still divided into humanities and sciences. He was in the humanities, and she was in sciences, so their college entrance exam subjects didn’t fully overlap.

Still, she read his neatly written notes, the precisely drawn stars, and the ‘Tip’ markings scattered throughout, until they were worn out.

But she never returned those notebooks. By the time she finished her exams, he had completed his military service, was double majoring in architecture, and soon left to study abroad. Years later, when he returned as Executive Director of Wigang Construction, so much time had passed that he likely forgot those notebooks even existed.

He was soon promoted to Senior Executive Director at Wigang Construction, while she remained in the rear garden of Ryu Gil-jae. While he soared high with wings in his world, she stayed in place, the eight-year-old daughter of a housekeeper, weighed down by a mountain of debt.

So, she never once dreamed— not even in her wildest dreams— that her presumptuous first love would come true.

She simply kept it in her heart, since that was her freedom. She just cherished it, like those high school notebooks he had probably forgotten about.

If she happened to see his back as he left for work in the morning, her mood lifted; if she ran errands for her mother and had to go to his empty room, she felt helplessly fluttery. Sometimes, she’d bump into him in the rear garden and exchange a glance. On those days, she could barely sleep.

She’d heard he was so cold and distant that even his relatives shook their heads, but sometimes when their eyes met, his expression held a touch of the same softness as before. It felt like, ‘We may be nothing now, but I remember playing happily with you as a child.’ That alone made her feel, somehow, like she was special to him.

That was truly all.

As is often the case in high society, she’d heard rumors he was engaged to someone, but she only felt a little pang— it wasn’t something she couldn’t accept.

Perhaps he was like a celebrity to her. No matter how much she liked him, she always knew there was a boundary between their lives.

Still, that feeling was precious to her.