The baby revealed itself at a time no one expected.

In the middle of the night, when Duke Chesterfield woke up with a start feeling something was wrong, when his wife who should have been lying beside him was collapsed on the way to the bathroom, that was the time the baby announced its existence.

While shouting to call Doctor Owen immediately, Duke Chesterfield held his blood-covered wife in his arms.

The servants scattered in all directions upon hearing the rarely excited master’s shout. Water sloshed in basins, cold sweat was diligently wiped away, his collapsed wife was moved to the bed, and while the man he once suspected as her lover removed her clothes, the Duke kept watch with bloodshot eyes.

After the efforts of the midwife and doctor, the wife who barely opened her eyes cried out for her husband. Her husband responded as if he had been waiting for his wife’s desperate call.

Only after the hellish night passed, with the wife tightly gripping her husband’s hand repeatedly falling unconscious and waking, did the baby show itself to the world.

Despite the time spent it in the womb, the baby was small. The midwife swallowed the fact that this was actually fortunate for the mother. The fetus was so small it was remarkable it had held on without miscarrying until now. It was a child that wouldn’t have been able to breathe even if born.

On the day when the sun rises earliest in the year, at dawn, the patient’s breathing properly returned.

Owen reluctantly spoke to the Duke who had held his wife’s hand all night without letting go.

“The madam will hardly remember what happened last night. Though it will be difficult for you too, Your Grace……”

“I’m fine. I will explain well to my wife. Thank you.”

A voice without inflection, eyes that wouldn’t leave his wife’s face. Yet he didn’t shed a single tear until the end.

The midwife pressed her lips together and quietly asked Owen as she headed toward the main gate.

“Doctor, about His Grace…… How can a person be so cold?”

“……”

“Unless someone expected the child would die, how could they be so composed?”

“……”

Before crossing the main gate, Owen gazed intently at a window on the second floor where a small light flickered.

The Duke knew the child would not be born.

So he tried not to get attached, and others were completely fooled by that effort.

However, the truth Owen knew was slightly different.

The Duke loved the child that couldn’t be born. It was an instinct, a feeling that anyone would have toward life.

But at the same time, the Duke loved his wife more.

That was all there was to it. 

 * * *

 Around when the earliest rising sun of the year disappeared behind the horizon, Celian parted her dry lips.

“I’m sorry, Izer.”

After letting out an apology as her first words, her mouth firmly closed again.

The man keeping watch beside Celian lifted his lifeless eyes. It was the same face as two months ago when he had rushed to the ranch looking for her.

His bloodless lips moved.

“Why are you sorry? I kept telling you, it’s not your fault.”

From around lunch when Celian regained consciousness until evening, Izer held his barely blinking wife’s hand tightly and spoke to her gently.

They say it’s common, I should have eaten better, I’m sorry, don’t stress too much since you need time to recover too.

Unlike the plain words in his mouth, his eyes were full of pain.

“Lian, it’s no one’s fault. It just happened……”

“It’s my fault. You know it. I didn’t even know I was pregnant and ate whatever I wanted, moving my body around like that.”

Eating whatever she wanted was the least of it. She hadn’t even eaten raw food or alcohol.

The problem came after being dragged to Fairville. She had slept on cold floors, been shot. She had poured harsh hair dye on herself and freely went in and out of smelly stables.

“Even if I were the baby, it would have been hard to endure.”

“……”

“Don’t try to comfort me, Izer. I killed it. You don’t need to care about me like this.”

She belatedly realized that she wasn’t the only one who lost the child. Celian quietly added.

“It was your child too. I’m sorry.”

“……”

Izer had wanted a baby. She knew that having a happy family with a beloved wife and child had been his only dream since his days as Ren.

If he was going to pretend to be indifferent to the baby, he should have stayed indifferent until the end, not get caught fiddling with things like baskets of baby mittens. Remembering the night he gave her the brooch, Celian brought her spoon to the pumpkin soup.

“What did the doctor say? Can I get pregnant again?”

“……”

“I guess it’s difficult.”

“He said it’s not impossible. It just needs some time.”

The soup had no taste. Celian responded monotonously.

“Izer, doctors usually say that. They’re the kind of people who say everything can be treated as long as you don’t die.”

“Doctor Owen isn’t the type to make empty promises.”

“Owen came by?”

“He’s the closest doctor.”

“You two must have gotten quite close.”

“……”

“That’s good.”

The setting sunlight illuminated Izer. It was a warm red light that suited him.

Celian smiled brightly.

“Izer, you’ve changed a lot. You know?”

He had changed. The word ‘love’ that he used to say mockingly as a habit had disappeared. He neither spoke of love to her nor begged for her love.

When she was indifferent, he accepted her indifference, and when she wanted something, he gave her what she wanted. Looking at him armed with a completely passive attitude, Celian sometimes wondered if his previous madness had all been a dream.

Now she understood that his indifference was kindness chosen for a wife who feared him. Celian met her husband’s eyes.

“You’re still young.”

With just one sentence, Izer caught what she was trying to say. The smile disappeared from his face. It seemed like he was barely containing the anger that was about to surface.

That too signified Izer’s change. If it had been half a year ago, he would have immediately said he didn’t want to hear it and locked the door on his way out. The clear contrast made her laugh.

The man’s expression, which had been pretending to keep distance, cracked.

“Don’t say strange things, Lian.”

“There are plenty of women who want to be your wife. Not being able to have children is an enormous flaw.”

Failed declared separation, failed false escape. This time Celian tried to seek his understanding.

“I want you to be happy, Izer. You can be now.”

He had been freed from the hatred and resentment that had been eating away at him. Now if only the wretched past that bound him, the ghost of Celian Berienne, would leave, he could be completely free.

Izer grabbed her arm. His voice trembled.

“You, have you forgotten what I did to you?”

“……”

“Think I can’t do it twice just because I did it once? I could lock all the doors here right now. It’s nothing to bury rumors about me imprisoning you.”

“Izer, you can’t do it.”

If he was going to oppress her, he would have done it already. However, after bringing Celian back, Izer hadn’t restricted any of her movements.

Glaring at her pale face, Izer spat out.

“Whose descent into madness do you want to see? When I’ve only just started to become sane……”

His words cut off abruptly. Looking at the calmly settled Celian, Izer turned away with the cold wind. 

 * * *

 After the stillbirth, Celian dreamed every night.

The context of the dreams was always similar. A baby whose face couldn’t even be seen because of a hat would show its back to her and toddle away.

Despite her urgency, her steps were slow as if her feet were stuck in sticky honey. Even her hands reaching toward the baby felt heavy, as if being pulled down.

The baby needed its mother, and she needed the baby — Celian struggled to close the gap with the baby while gasping for breath.

Today the resistance was particularly strong. She swung her arms that wouldn’t move well widely.

Something caught the end of her arm.

“……?”

“Celian!”

“……”

Celian looked down at her arm. Pale hands were gripping her forearm and waist respectively.

“Lian, please……”

She was definitely in a dream. Before dreaming, she had been in bed.

But where was she now?

A familiar scene greeted her. The dark backyard that seemed like it would swallow everything, and the residential area spread out beyond it.

As soon as she realized that more than half her body was outside the window, Celian startled and pulled back. As if he had been waiting, Izer pulled her in and closed the window.

She spun around. The rocking chair she bumped into creaked.

“Why am I here?”

“Lian.”

Balancing herself with a hand on the tea table that had been placed there for appearance’s sake, Celian shouted.

“Tell me, Izer Chesterfield!”