But the moment JeJe twisted her upper body and sat up, the regular breathing that had been echoing changed slightly. When she looked down at the head of the bed with a pale face, her gaze immediately met icy gray pupils.

“I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“What if you did.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You haven’t been able to fall asleep once you get into bed for the past few days. Tell me the reason. Am I still making you uncomfortable?”

Had he been aware of her insomnia for the past four days? In the uncomfortable silence, JeJe swallowed dryly and nodded.

“Yes, sleeping in the same bed as you is too uncomfortable.”

“I expected that, but hasn’t it already been over two weeks since you started sleeping next to me? What I’m curious about is why a child who used to fall asleep just fine before now finds me uncomfortable recently.”

“That’s because you keep…”

“…?”

She was about to boldly confront him about how he kept touching her body in his sleep, but seeing Shahan sitting there blankly with a genuinely confused expression made her words disappear. He truly seemed unaware of his actions. 

Seeing his attitude, JeJe assumed that his habit of constantly embracing her waist and gently caressing or pinching her soft skin was probably a sleeping habit rather than intentional. 

When Ninian, who had lost her parents in an accident, was suffering from nightmares, she had often spent nights with her to comfort her, and her sleeping habits back then were very similar to Shahan’s now.

“Why.”

When JeJe made a sour face, he snapped curtly.

“What’s with that expression like you’ve been chewing bitter herbs? I keep doing what to you? Why do you start talking then stop?”

“While you’re sleeping, you can’t keep your hands still and keep touching me, so how can I sleep properly?”

Then Shahan’s pale face hardened slightly. Then, like nothing had happened, he immediately returned to his usual detached expression and offered a dry apology.

“Did I do that? I made you uncomfortable unintentionally. I’m sorry. I apologize.”

It seemed that until she told him, Shahan had lived without even being aware of his hidden sleeping habits. They finished a simple meal and went to bed. Perhaps because she had made the long journey to the village today, extreme fatigue washed over her. 

JeJe stretched her weary body on the bed and closed her tired eyes. The forearm that wrapped around her shoulders without fail was heavy and damp like a snake’s skin.

She bit her lips, thinking it was starting again. She forced her drowsy eyes open and examined Shahan’s face. Come to think of it, she had heard that celestial beings could easily last several days without eating or sleeping. 

But from her recent nightly observations of Shahan, he really seemed like someone who had fallen into a deep sleep like death. Or was it meticulous acting that only “appeared” that way?

“What are you thinking about?”

“I feel very unpleasant every time you approach me. I don’t understand why you’ve been treating me well recently either… Every time it happens, I feel suffocated with discomfort.”

“…”

A gaze without warmth struck her eyes head-on. The next moment, for inexplicable reasons, the fear she had long forgotten while living with him began to creep in.

“Yes, just like you said, I’ve been working hard in my own way, even using methods that don’t work, to win your favor.”

Shahan released her trembling body and let out a dry laugh.

“I tried to learn the petty emotions that mud humans harbor, and I clumsily imitated the actions of Narcissus and Grand Duke Rictusa, whom you loved. Judging by your reaction, it seems I didn’t even come close to their level.”

Unbuttoning his collar and sleeves, he continued in a rigid voice.

“Everything must have looked worthless in your eyes, but at least acknowledge the fact that I made an effort.”

“…”

“Actually, I’ve been enduring for quite a long time. My patience was on the verge of hitting rock bottom, and I thought pus would start coming out of my body. How could you possibly understand the feelings of a man who has the woman he so desperately craved beside him every night but can’t take any action?”

“You weren’t sleeping, were you? Every night… you were awake every night?”

“I struggled quite a bit suppressing my impulses, but I didn’t violate you while you slept, so don’t look at me with those eyes like you’re seeing something filthy.”

With a flutter, he rolled up his sleeves to show his white forearms covered in red and purple nail marks, and he smiled. Her mind gradually went blank. The thought that he might have watched her every single day without fail, not even sleeping, sent chills down her spine.

“I really endured for a long time.”

Long silver hair reaching his waist fluttered in her vision. Shahan bent his body. The nauseating thick musky scent ruthlessly penetrated to the depths of her lungs.

“JeJe, do you know why I want to keep you tied to the temple even if it means extending your sentence? This sacred and secret space where no one needs to interfere. Actually, I was going to watch you a little longer and approach you in a way that would cause the least resistance, but thinking about it, what’s the use of all that? As you know, the private time you spent with me wasn’t exactly pleasant.”

An empty echo reverberated in her ears.

“And human nature doesn’t change. If my instincts, my innate habits, could be changed through short-term effort, I wouldn’t have had such tiresome worries in the first place. JeJe, I’ve wanted to have you constantly for five years. I wanted to make you my woman by any means necessary. If you ask whether it’s stubbornness about something I couldn’t possess, then yes, perhaps it is. I won’t deny it.”

Gently grasping JeJe’s flowing silver-white hair, Shahan tilted his head sideways.

“But does a man need a special reason to be attracted to a woman? You probably don’t want to receive affection from someone like me, and you must have been tormented by it, but I was just as troubled as you. JeJe. Can you believe that someone who was revered as God’s representative throughout his life and reigned at the top of the empire would have his eyes turn to a mere slave servant and imagine pouring his essence into that woman’s womb every night? I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t stand it. I was horrified by myself for being completely captivated by a lowly thing like you and failing to control my emotions, and this situation was utterly miserable. Am I disgusting for harboring filthy fantasies every day, hoping you would conceive my child?”

She wanted to cover her ears instead. JeJe trembled and distanced herself from Shahan.

“So when I learned that you were carrying a demon beast’s child, I thought the top of my head would explode. In my entire life, I had never felt such boiling rage.”

“What’s your reason for saying such things to me now?”

“There’s no particular reason. I just want you to know my feelings now. You never gave me a single glance for five years, and I was always the one suffering alone.”

He seemed to genuinely believe that.

“I’m sick of it all now. Having felt to my bones that I can’t win your love by any means, I’ll make you a proposal. If you truly satisfy me for just one night tonight, you won’t need to stay by my side forcibly for three years. Right now, I’m giving you a chance to escape from me forever. You’ve also become an officially recognized apprentice priest by the religious order, so you’d want to study theology and learn divine power techniques while receiving treatment befitting a priest, rather than wasting time taking care of a washed-up High Priest.”

It was no different from telling her to sell her body if she wanted to put an end to this terrible relationship. Not knowing what emotions he harbored toward her or what answer he wanted, JeJe could only pant softly. She felt nauseous. 

Does this man love her? If so, he couldn’t make such a proposal. Worn-out desire? Twisted possessiveness? Nothing could properly describe his actions.

“Worthless JeJe, JeJe who is nothing.”

“…”

“I definitely gave you that nickname hoping you’d be imprinted as an existence inferior to vermin.”

—JeJe, do you remember the meaning of your name?

At that moment, the words Shahan had whispered in her ear a few days ago flashed through her mind. The name ‘JeJe’ with two meanings. The number ‘0’, or ‘worthless’. 

The moment she realized Shahan’s terrifying greed and l*st that she had wanted to ignore, all those emotions became a giant snowball that began ruthlessly crushing her entire body.

“I never took my eyes off you once in five years. I was anxious. I had surveillance attached to report every detail of your daily life, but even that wasn’t enough, so I was always looking for an opportunity to keep you by my side someday.”

Shahan continued speaking in a monotonous tone while removing the clothes from his body layer by layer.

“I was always my top priority in life. But when an unexpected intruder barged in and overturned that order, how much it must have worn me down. I wanted someone to acknowledge this unfamiliar suffering I was experiencing for the first time.”

Shahan, revealing his n*de body white and fine like white jade, cast a large shadow over JeJe’s head. JeJe could only move her lips blankly while he poured out his hidden feelings.

“Now answer me. What will you do? If you can gain freedom in exchange for pleasing me, will you give your body to me?”

Freedom. The freedom she had so desperately craved now felt suffocatingly oppressive. Princess Kesera had also constrained her using freedom as bait. 

Everyone knew. JeJe, Momo, the slave girl Arcana of the Imperial Palace wanted liberation from all of them, and would be able to make any sacrifice for freedom.

The will of a slave living a life no different from livestock was neither important nor necessary. From when she was the princess’s exclusive attendant, her physical freedom had been taken away, and even after obtaining the position of apprentice priest, it was ultimately a life subordinated to a specific person. 

Had she ever truly wanted to share physical love with another person? The only person was Narcissus. At least in JeJe’s memory it was so, and it would remain so in the future. The life of the lower class was no different from stagnant, rotting water. 

Since it was a life that wouldn’t change anyway, was it wrong to want to become free by selling love to a man who persistently craved her affection? Why was it always like this—now beyond lamenting the situation, she felt disgusted with herself.

“It seems you’ve already decided.”

Shahan gently pulled JeJe’s white, thin arm like a birch tree. His cracked lips slowly traced her damp cheek.