Chapter 2

The memory of him coming to mind for a moment, the way he would hand them towels as if to say they were impossible to deal with after seeing Seohyeon and herself soaked like drowned rats, made her breath stop briefly. Feeling as though a crack might open in the place she had worked so hard to bind shut, she picked up the soju glass filled to the brim.

“Drink with me.”

“I think you’re drunk. Don’t drink.”

“No. I’m in too-oo good a mood right now. All through senior year of high school, I just waited for the day I’d drink with you. Then you disappeared like that, and every time I drank, I felt depressed. You promised your first drink would be with me. You little brat. I kept wondering if you were living well without me, whether you ever missed me… I was so, so curious!”

She turned over the words, ‘living well…,’ in her mind.

A bitter smile rose on Soyoon’s face and then immediately vanished. She rubbed the round soju glass with her fingertips. It felt as though the glass had cut into her, stinging, and she clenched her hand.

Seohyeon’s steady eyes shook her.

If asked whether she had been happy, she would have had to shake her head. That things had been so very hard that she had not even been able to think of Seohyeon. That when she recalled the happy memories of the past, she became painfully aware of how miserable her present reality was, so she had not even dared force herself to think of Seohyeon, and of him.

She did not say the words that had risen to her throat. Instead.

“I did miss you. Sometimes I thought about you. I wondered if you were living well…… how you might have changed.”

It was ambiguous whether she was talking about Seohyeon, or about him.

It was strange. She had thought she did not get drunk easily. It must have been a misunderstanding.

“I’m glad. Even if you thought of me only sometimes.”

“One more bottle of soju, please.”

She knew she should stop drinking, but she wanted just one more bottle. Whether the reason was because of the friend she was meeting again after so long, or because sharing soju with someone was rare enough to count on one hand, making the drink together something she liked.

Or if it was neither of those, then because of someone who kept slipping through the cracks and clouding her mind.

She liked the sound of soju being poured into the glass. When she drank in front of the convenience store, she used to just toss it back in one go without even having snacks with it, but now there were good side dishes, the sound of rain, and on top of that, a friend who welcomed her.

Soyoon looked at Seohyeon, narrowing her eyes into crescents as she smiled brightly.

“There you go again. Again. I told you from before not to smile like that, didn’t I?”

“I was just smiling because I felt good?”

“I’m telling you, when you smile like that, men go crazy. You’ve become even prettier since I last saw you.”

Yes. Yes. Seohyeon had always been like that since they were little.

About ten times a day, she would say that Soyoon was so pretty, that she was jealous.

When Seohyeon used to say things like that when they were little, Soyoon would lift the corners of her mouth toward the sky. But now, she could not smile.

She stared fixedly at Seohyeon.

Seohyeon mouthed, ‘Why?’ but Soyoon only shook her head.

The truth is, I’m jealous of you.

Natural makeup that did not look awkward for a twenty-five-year-old, beautifully gleaming hair, and red manicure like flowers blooming on her nails. Even flashy heels that had to be at least 9 centimeters high. There had been a time in high school when Soyoon had imagined that her future self would look something like that.

A face without makeup, rough skin, split ends. A T-shirt she had worn so long it had stretched a little, and jeans so washed over and over that the color had faded. The white sneakers she bought at the market were soaked through and a complete mess.

At a glance, the difference between them was plain to see, and Soyoon lowered her eyes. She had lived diligently without even having time to feel jealous, but it still left a bitter taste. Still, she knew all too well that no matter how much she envied it, she could never go back.

Soyoon brushed her hair back.

“Shall we go now?”

“Already? It’s only eleven?”

“Hayoon is waiting for me…”

It was a lie. Her younger sibling, who was in the second year of middle school, seemed to have hit adolescence and had grown much fiercer than last year, wanting to be alone.

“Oh, right. Is Hayoon doing well? She must have grown a lot.”

“Of course. She’s grown a lot.”

Hayoon had followed Seohyeon quite well. Whenever her sibling would sometimes ask in passing whether she still kept in touch with Seohyeon unni, Soyoon would only smile each time.

Because she could not cry.

And when she thought of Seohyeon, the memories that always trailed after her. She simply had no strength to let herself hurt.

“I said I’m paying.”

“No, you’re not. You can pay next time.”

“…Thanks for the meal.”

Today, I really was going to pay.

She muttered to herself.

She had thought the tipsiness was only beginning to rise, but she must already have been drunk. Soyoon blinked several times. She could feel that her movements had slowed.

This is bad. Thinking she might make some kind of mistake at this rate, Soyoon greeted Seohyeon the moment she stepped outside the shop.

“It was good to see you toda…”

“What about your umbrella?”

Interrupting her, Seohyeon opened a pink umbrella. Then she began looking for Soyoon’s umbrella. Maybe she was more drunk than she seemed, because apparently she had not even brought one. Just as Soyoon was about to go back into the shop.

Seohyeon suddenly linked arms with her.

“Shall we walk in the rain for old times’ sake?”

Soyoon’s eyes widened. As if to say, ‘What are you talking about?’

“It’s nice. It reminds me of when we were kids.”

Seohyeon, laughing out loud, folded the pink umbrella as if she truly meant it, then threw it onto the ground.

And then, grabbing Soyoon by the wrist, she ran into the rain.

“Seohyeon!”

Soyoon called out to her urgently, but it was already too late. In the frighteningly heavy rain, Soyoon was soaked from head to toe within seconds.

Seohyeon was so strong that she would not let go of her wrist, and Soyoon was too busy being dragged through the streets by her to think straight. Seohyeon was apparently in an extremely good mood, because she even sang. People passing by under umbrellas stared at them in amazement and moved aside.

At first she hated getting rained on, but perhaps it was because she was drunk? Or because it felt as though she had returned to the carefree days of childhood? Soyoon, who had been dragged along, began running side by side with Seohyeon. Forgetting even that her legs hurt, she ran until she was out of breath.

“What should we do?”

“…We’ll have to walk.”

Thanks to that brief return to childhood, they could not even dream of taking a taxi. Several taxis had simply driven off after seeing that their whole bodies were soaked. Laughing helplessly, they decided to walk to Seohyeon’s place, which she said was nearby.

“Do you live alone?”

“Yeah. I moved out last year. You know what my dad is like with all his nagging. At first he was against it, but when I kept begging, he finally gave in.”

The memory surfaced of Seohyeon, soaked in the rain, shouting at him that her oppa seemed to take after their father. This was why Soyoon had not wanted to meet Seohyeon either. At the image of him rising in her mind without her even meaning it to, Soyoon’s eyes sank.