Chapter 29

Lorraine stood alone by the window in a dark room. Moonlight flickered faintly beyond the glass, casting shadows inside.

Outside, it was already deep night, but Lorraine’s heart was restless. She had never imagined that a relationship that started with a night with a stranger would shake her heart so deeply.

Not long ago, she’d believed the Ian people talked about was the real one. The Ian in the rumors was reckless and frivolous. Kind to everyone, but never truly sincere to anyone. So Lorraine thought the kindness he showed her was just another fleeting feeling among many.

But now, looking back, the Ian she had seen and experienced was completely different. She hadn’t noticed before, lacking experience herself, but now she realized Ian had been clumsy in their relationship too. He always seemed calm and skilled, but when he held Lorraine, he was hesitant and unsure. Ian’s touch was always careful.

Lorraine closed her eyes and recalled those moments. Every time she thought of Ian’s face, her chest tightened.

“From the start… I was the one who misunderstood.”

Ian had been honest with her from the beginning, approaching her with the utmost sincerity. But she had assumed his actions were false. She doubted his heart, relied on rumors and preconceptions to judge him.

“What have I been believing all this time?”

Under the name of rumor, she hadn’t truly seen the person standing before her, clouded by prejudice and misunderstanding. Now she realized how much her indifferent words must have hurt him. The silence in the room felt heavier, and Lorraine hugged her shoulders.

“How do I apologize now…?”

Just saying sorry didn’t seem enough. Would she be able to face Ian again when they met? Lorraine was ashamed of how she had ignored Ian’s feelings.

But the emotion that grew from her shame was clear. It was no longer a simple desire for Ian’s looks. She felt she couldn’t live without him. The feeling rooted itself deeper than the word ‘love’ could express.

Ian was more attractive, and above all, warmer than any male protagonist Lorraine had ever imagined in a novel. It was both ridiculous and sad that she realized this only now.

“Before it’s too late….”

Lorraine closed her eyes once and opened them again, her expression filled with resolve. If she could meet Ian again, this time she had to convey her feelings without a single lie.

If she could not turn back lost time, then at least now she had to show her true heart. She needed to tell him how much she had hurt Ian with her doubts and prejudices, and just how much she cherished him now. Even if she realized it too late, she had to find the courage, even now.

The sky outside the window was dark, but in Lorraine’s heart, it was shining brightly like the soon-to-break dawn. As if making a vow, Lorraine gently clutched her chest.

“I have to go find him myself and apologize honestly. Even if I’m rejected, I must tell him how much I love him, and… how grateful I am.”

Now that she had realized her own ignorance and understood Ian’s sincerity, if she could meet him just once more, she wanted to tell him what kind of person he was to her and how deeply she had come to love him.

The faint candle on the desk flickered. When this night ended and dawn broke, she would go find him, no matter where he was. Lorraine wanted to believe that although her sin of closing her heart was deep, there was still a chance to make up for it.

* * *

The sky just before dawn was almost ashen. As the dim light of morning began to brighten, Lorraine hurriedly prepared a carriage and got in without hesitation. She wanted to arrive in the capital as quickly as possible. Until she met Ian, she felt she could not escape the emptiness weighing down one side of her chest.

The faint morning light pushed away the darkness, and a color neither red nor blue spread thinly across the sky. Had Ian forgotten her by now? What if he no longer wanted to see her? Such thoughts struck her heart with a sudden, pounding force.

Inside the shaking carriage, Lorraine gazed at the passing scenery through the window, thinking over and over about what she would say, discarding and choosing her words. Saying ‘I love you’ felt too late, and ‘I’m sorry’ seemed too small. No words seemed enough to contain her current feelings. Was it always this difficult to reveal one’s true heart?

Outside the window, the landscape was slowly awakening. Frost melted from the frozen ground, and the village, hills, and fields each regained their shape. The emotions she had long held inside her chest gradually took on clearer outlines.

In truth, to say ‘I love you’ now might seem shameless. She had already hurt him and made him turn away. But if she still could not erase her feelings even now, perhaps that was the real thing.

It took a full ten hours to reach the capital. Although it was a journey that should have left her exhausted, Lorraine did not close her eyes even once. Her heart was racing so busily that the long journey felt as if it passed in an instant. By the time the distant outline of the capital appeared outside the window, a gentle red glow was spreading across the sky.

When the sun had completely set, Lorraine’s carriage arrived in front of Ian Lindsay’s mansion. In the middle of a street lined elegantly with lamplights, Lorraine got out of the carriage and looked up at the mansion, taking a deep breath.

The Lindsay residence was far larger than she expected. The wall stretched endlessly, and the garden was perfectly maintained. Lorraine knew that a mansion of this scale was rare in the heart of the capital.

Anyone could see that this was a place worthy of the name ‘Lindsay’. Like the distance from the world, the towering walls and the house standing quietly, pushing aside the gaze of the outside world without concern.

Before the imposing beauty of the mansion, somewhere in Lorraine’s heart shrank. ‘I actually turned down someone like this.’ She felt herself shrinking unconsciously. Ian was someone who lived in a different world from her. Handsome, perfect, possessing everything without lack—like a prince from a novel.

Could she really fit with him?

That thought peeked out from deep within her heart, but Lorraine shook her head and erased the anxiety. Even if Ian lived in a different world, her feelings for him were more sincere than anyone else’s.

Her fingertips trembled. But Lorraine took a step forward. She carefully placed her foot on the solid marble steps in front of Ian’s mansion. Her heart was complicated, but her steps were determined.

The closer she got to the mansion, the faster her heart beat. Lorraine stood in front of the door, carrying all her anxiety and fear. Shame and pride no longer mattered.

She could not even be sure that Ian was here. But she had run all this way, trusting in just one possibility. And now, it was time to knock on the door.

She could not delay any longer.

Her hand shook with nervousness as she knocked on the door, but she could not turn back. Soon after, the door opened and a servant, neatly dressed in livery, appeared.

“Please tell Viscount Lindsay that Lorraine Summers has come to see him.”

The servant, briefly flustered, quickly nodded politely and led her inside. The sound of footsteps echoed across the cold marble floor. Heavy curtains hung over every window, and antique lighting lined the walls.

Lorraine felt herself shrinking in the unfamiliar place with every step she took. But she did not stop walking.

“This way, please.”

The servant opened the door. As the heavy wooden door quietly swung open, the calm air of the drawing room enveloped her. Lorraine quietly caught her breath and stepped inside.

‘After saying such things, I’ve come all the way here—how will Ian think of me?’

Swallowing her anxiety over whether Ian might not want to see her, Lorraine tried to calm her racing heart.

She tried to imagine the look on Ian’s face when she would soon meet him, but she could not picture it. She did not know what kind of gaze, what kind of emotion would be in his eyes when he looked at her.

Would it be a cold stare? Would he treat her with an expressionless face, as if he had already moved on? Or would he refuse to meet her at all? Yet, for some reason, Lorraine felt that the Ian she knew would greet her with a smile, even if she had hurt him.

That thought made Lorraine’s heart ache strangely. Even if Ian had lost affection for her, he had every right to. She had coldly ignored his sincerity, and her words to him had been sharp.

Even so, Lorraine wanted to apologize to Ian. Even if she could not win back his heart, she wanted to convey her feelings to the one who had once loved her sincerely, without any more lies. Lorraine clenched her fingertips and let out a trembling breath.

The sound of the doorknob turning echoed quietly. It was a small sound, yet Lorraine’s heart began to pound wildly.