But I didn’t. To summarize, I had nothing I wanted or aspired to be. Though my parents’ relationship was cold, everything else was abundant. Was that why? Our house held parties every three days, and the rooms were always full of guests.

Gifts from various countries, sweets so sugary they hurt the tongue, rich food and boisterous music, limited edition jackets worn once and then discarded….. At the same time, the corridors were always displaying new works by emerging artists and ancient sculptures, and the study overflowed with rare books of uncertain origin.

I could choose either path.

I could dance to the performance of a pianist from the National Orchestra, or I could bury myself in books while savoring the daily-changing snacks.

In such an environment…… I did nothing.

Then my parents divorced and I came to my father’s country, but I remained unchanged. I learned the language for basic survival, but that was all. At that time, I was just struggling to adapt to the rapidly changing situation while being left to myself.

But then.

You appeared in that life.

By coincidence, you were there, and so was I. Our paths crossed briefly but definitely, and I caught sight of you.

Can you imagine?

You probably don’t know. Just as I can’t fully understand your feelings.

I’m aware that my vocabulary has been excessively flamboyant and dramatic. And that’s why my sincerity is being doubted. That doesn’t matter, but—

Perry, my actor.

When I first saw you on stage, I realized for the first time what I wanted, what I desired.

For you to shine eternally on stage, for me to be your first and last audience member. I had never wished for anything so intensely in my life.

I wish I could ease your anxiety with eloquent sentences, but unfortunately, I haven’t cultivated such skills. So I confess my feelings like this.

You have already breathed life into one person’s existence. What reason could there be that you couldn’t do more?

Additionally, I hope you’ll forget the words of those rude individuals. They’re trapped in their own illusions, unable to see the real you. I worry that harboring such words might deeply wound your soul.

You asked for my honest thoughts. This is my answer.

September 16,

From your devoted fan.

P.S. Autumn winds are blowing here too.]

[To my first friend

I have so much to say, but can’t write even a single line properly. Can you see the ink stain pressed heavily here?

Thank you.

I considered better expressions—even visited a bookstore to look around—but clumsy metaphors seemed likely to ruin my sincerity.

Thank you, truly.

This sentence feels too light compared to my feelings. Would it have been different if I’d looked into your eyes and told you directly? Then you would have realized in an instant how grateful I am.

If I heard words like this letter face-to-face, I would surely cry. I’d bet on it.

I’ve leaned on you again. It’s too late to appear as a splendid, dignified actor now, right? Though I brought it all upon myself.

Still, it’s not bad.

No, honestly, it’s quite good. Actually……

I have good news! Just last week I was bothering you with anxious letters, and now my attitude has completely changed—do you think I’m being too quick? Still, celebrate with me, it’s exciting news.

Well, truthfully, there’s still a long way to go before I can officially celebrate.

What happened is…… I got an audition opportunity! You might wonder why I’m so excited about just an audition, but this one is different.

The Leopora Theater actually approached me for an audition! They’re planning their own production and seem to be looking for fresh actors.

I was so surprised when the letter arrived. The ‘legendary’ Leopora! A theater ranked in the top three in Roju and top ten in the kingdom! Plus, their self-produced shows always receive great reviews. I’ve seen a few as an audience member, and their stage settings and direction are almost on par with the municipal theater company.

They’ve always selected actors unofficially, so I could only imagine…… How did I end up getting contacted? Try to guess.

First, an application I submitted long ago circulated and eventually caught the eye of someone in the company.

Second, a prophecy declared that without Perry Humble, the performance would fail.

Third, they were bored.

The answer is……

Fourth, a director who saw 「Sin and Virtue」 at the theater festival recommended me!

My goodness, how could things work out like this? Of course, I haven’t been accepted yet, and there will be two or three evaluations, but still.

Someone recognized me. Even though I didn’t become prettier or improve my eyesight.

So I’ll do my best. To not embarrass the person who recommended me, to not disappoint you who believed in me, and above all, to be true to myself.

Wish me luck.

September 20,

Your actor, Perry Humble.

P.S. I’ve only talked about myself. You complained about feeling left out before, but will you forgive me just this once?

P.P.S. Ravina Night is coming soon. Don’t forget your umbrella.]

SCENE 5. I Wanted to Keep It All to Myself

On Ravina Night, the witches’ festival that lasted seven days, it rained every year. Heavy raindrops struck Perry’s clear cheeks fiercely. The strength drained from her arms as she struggled to hold up her worn umbrella.

“Hah……”

Clouds filling the sky blurred all boundaries. Between buildings and buildings, trees and trees, guide blocks and crosswalks. As her white cane touched the right side, her left foot stretched forward. The woman frowned as she hurriedly quickened her pace.

No roof to shield from the rain was in sight. It wasn’t easy to navigate with indistinct colors. By the time she had encountered the brass sign of an upscale tailor shop five times, her umbrella was no longer serving its function of blocking the rain.

“It should be around here.”

She recited the memorized address several times, but the distance was correct. On any other day, she might have leisurely explored the neighborhood, but today was different.

Perry’s cheeks suddenly brightened as she turned her head quickly like a bird searching for food. Even in difficult situations, there’s always a way out.

“Excuse me, I was wondering if I could ask for directions.”

A neat suit with a black umbrella. Perry stared blankly at the black leather gloves before raising her gaze. Fortunately, the kind passerby stopped quietly without complaining about the sudden interruption. Her light brown hair, carefully tied without a single strand out of place, was now disheveled.

“Do you know where the Leopora Theater is?”

“……I do.”

“Which way should I go? Will it take long from here?”

“Ten minutes should be enough. ……I’ll guide you.”

Though she only needed directions, the man stoically replied that their paths overlapped, despite her polite refusal. His tone was courteous yet comfortable.

The man was silent, and so was Perry. However, the way one offered his left arm and the other rested her hand on it seemed quite natural.

As the man had said, the theater wasn’t far from the street where Perry had been wandering. If not for the rain, she would have arrived with time to spare. Her hand, which had been compulsively touching the minute and hour hands of her wristwatch, quickly calmed.

“What a relief. Thanks to you, I’m not late.”

“Yes. Well then—”

“Excuse me, do I look okay right now?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“My appearance! Today is important for me, so are there any wrinkles or messy spots?”

“Ah….. Your hair is a bit.”

“This side? Or here?”

“The right side, ah, no, on your left diagonal back from your perspective.”

Without a mirror, her moving hand kept missing the man’s guidance. The man slowly moved his hand after clenching and unclenching it in the air.

The tip of his black glove lightly touched the hair tangled with a leaf. As carefully as if touching flesh would mean death. As if fire might spread at the slightest touch, heightening his senses.

“……It’s fine now. Um, your hair— I think you’ll need to tie it again.”

“It might be better to let it down completely. Hmm— how does it look?”

Thick coriander-colored hair cascaded down her lilac blouse. Perry busily brushed back her soaking wet hair. The strands gathered at the ends of her fingers, separating and rejoining repeatedly.

“Being wet, it won’t stick up. Does it look strange?”

“No— it’s fine.”

“Thank you, really. I’d like to repay you somehow, but right now I—”

“It’s fine. You seem busy, please go ahead.”

“Thank you so much. Sincerely.”

Perry lightly grasped the man’s hands before letting go. It was a pure gesture of gratitude.

The gloves slid without friction due to the moisture. Despite his attitude suggesting he would turn and leave immediately, the man remained in place even as Perry hurriedly walked to the elevator.