Why a guest is making tomato stew in my house would need explanation, but…… ah, I hear the sound of plates being set down. It must be almost ready.

I’ll go now.

Goodbye.

January 10th,

With friendship and apologies, Perry.]

[Dear Perry

I’m so relieved you’re safe. However, I think we need to recalibrate what “fine” means between us.

By common understanding, being “unable to move from home for days” is not what anyone would call “fine.” While I’m glad you didn’t skip dinner and ate tomato stew, I’d like to know how you’ve really been. I won’t be able to rest easy until I confirm the truth.

This is… not a joke.

I won’t force you to reply when you say you lack the strength to go outside, but please consider my feelings as your friend. Don’t I deserve that much? If not, I apologize.

Recently, I received a letter from the Leopora Theater. It was a notice that your role would be replaced by an understudy for a week.

It’s not disappointment as a fan,

I

I sincerely want to believe your claim that you’re “fine” more than anyone. Please help me do so.

I’ll be waiting for your reply.

January 12th,

Yuan.]

[To Yuan

I really am fine! Well, I’ve been repeating this all winter, haven’t I? I’m not trying to deceive you, I truly am fine. No major lingering injuries, normal temperature.

I’m perfectly alright. That’s what I… think.

Yes, Yuan. What’s the point in hiding it further? I’ll be honest. I really am fine. There was nothing wrong with me right after I returned. Just like that 20-page review you wrote after watching my first performance.

But… well, the lead actress and director didn’t seem to think so. Actually, this break was decided by their will. Even though I didn’t feel the need to rest.

But the director, no, more than the director, Bria Sol said, “Rest now if you don’t want to faint on stage in a few years.” What on earth did she mean?

I don’t understand her intention, but when such a senior colleague speaks so firmly, I couldn’t ignore it. I don’t want to get a reputation as stubbornly difficult. I don’t want causing problems with an actress I admire… and when people with better judgment than me speak so strongly, I truly worried I might be missing something.

Above all, the decisive factor was when she asked, “Do you really intend to face the audience in that state?” I was going to confidently answer “Of course,” but strangely, the words wouldn’t come out.

There’s truly nothing wrong with my acting. I swear. You know I never lie about this—well, I’m generally honest anyway, aren’t I?—my performance is the same as it was on opening night.

It’s just that……

Completely enclosed spaces have become a little difficult.

Would you understand if I said I need a door or window slightly open to feel at ease? Larger spaces like theaters are relatively better—the specific nature of the venue matters too—but when I become aware that a door is closed, well, it becomes burdensome. In many ways.

Oh, don’t take this too seriously. Again, I want to end this topic today.

It’s not bad enough to interfere with daily life. When I’m acting, I feel like I’m not “myself” so it’s the same as usual, and otherwise… well, there aren’t many completely enclosed spaces anyway.

Ah, I was telling you about my recent visitor, wasn’t I?

Yuan, have I ever described my home to you? It’s a small place with no separate reception room—just a bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom. Since unpacking after graduation, I’ve never once invited guests over.

Actually, this visitor wasn’t invited either. They just showed up without warning.

I was surprised, but I couldn’t turn away someone who came because they were worried. Fortunately, the kitchen wasn’t messy since I’d been confined to bed the whole time.

The conversation flowed reasonably well. I received many gifts too. Oh, with permission, I touched Jin’s palm and noticed deep indentations from the paper bag handles.

I had tea for the first time this year. Somehow he knew my favorite tea leaves and brought them, so I opened the new package. And chocolate… remember? That chocolate you received before. It was expensive chocolate from the same shop. Very sweet.

Jin tried one or two at my urging but didn’t eat any more. He seems uninterested in sweets, like you.

Having someone else in my home felt strange. I kept unwrapping chocolates whenever silence fell, and before two hours passed, half were gone! Which means Jin stayed for two hours.

Winter days end quickly. When I came to my senses, the sunset filled the kitchen. My kitchen faces west, so afternoon light lingers… anyway.

I thought he would leave. It was evening! Even if he’d stayed out of politeness, it was the perfect time to say “Look how late it’s gotten” and make an exit.

But Jin didn’t. Instead, he asked, “May I prepare dinner?” Good heavens, as a guest! I thought he was joking, but he was serious. Well, if that had been a joke, Jin would be a man utterly devoid of humor.

We argued a bit, but… yes, as I previewed in my last letter, he won. Jin said awkwardly, “I know I shouldn’t use someone else’s kitchen when I’m not the homeowner,” yet he insisted he must cook. Something about no country in the continent letting patients handle the kitchen.

What could I do against such determination? I had to gracefully step aside. After initially showing him where kitchen tools were, I had nothing to do. Even if he needed help, I doubt Jin would have called me. Thanks to that, I leisurely wrote letters.

Dinner was fine. Tomato stew, toasted bread, salmon salad. Not abundant, but considering the state of my refrigerator, it was the best possible outcome. Perhaps because it wasn’t too salty, it went down smoothly.

Looking back, it was the first time this year I’d eaten warm soup. I shamelessly ate three bowls of stew. I could feel his gaze even with my nose buried in my plate. How fascinating he must have found it!

I’m doing well like this. I’ll return to the stage soon, and I’ll see you. Though I won’t be able to see you.

Yuan, stop worrying about me and take care of yourself. Eat well and rest well. The air is cold.

January 14th,

Sending love, Perry.

P.S. Say, Yuan. I have a question. How can we know someone’s heart? What basis do we use to guess another person’s true feelings?]

[Dear Perry

I must thank your director and fellow actress for their judgment. I’m grateful there are people nearby who can objectively assess your condition.

I have so very, very much I want to say, but I’ll keep it brief. You asked me to stop, so I will. I hope I can continue honoring your request, so please take care of yourself.

Instead, I’d like to ask about your return to the stage after about a week. I wish I could see it with my own eyes, but sadly I won’t have time for a while. I can’t recklessly rearrange my schedule in a way that might affect my flights, so I’ll have to console myself with letters.

Was the stage the same as before? I’m sure the performer I know would be more than capable, but I still want to ask.

Ah, I’ll answer your postscript. Is this a riddle or psychological test? It seems philosophical… but since I can’t grasp your intention, I’ll think about it simply.

I believe the foundation for knowing someone’s heart is their actions. The direction of their gaze, or… certain unconscious behaviors. Like reflexively pulling away when splashed with hot oil.

My example may be inappropriate, but I think hearts work similarly. But what kind of question is this? A psychological test after all?

Recently, a colleague has become deeply invested in the horoscope section at the back of the newspaper. One day this colleague carried a black bear doll all day—I thought it was a gift for a niece or nephew, but apparently it matched that day’s lucky color and item. Today, the Sagittarius—or perhaps Leo—horoscope was terrible, so they needed a lucky item to boost their fortune…

I wasn’t pleased that a pilot responsible for passenger safety would believe such things, but since they’re flawless at work, I kept quiet.

Do you believe in such horoscopes? Fortune-telling with tea leaves or cards seems to have been popular among peers for ages. I’ve never tried it, but I wonder about your experience.

Congratulations on your return. I’ll send all my share of luck to you.

January 19th,

From your devoted fan.]