It had been a year since the two provided spectacular news material at the 「Night of Brilliance」 curtain call. The subjects of that sensation had been leisurely meeting each other through the seasons. The difference from before was that instead of exchanging letters, they increased the frequency of face-to-face meetings, even if just for half a day.

Perry, who had been killing time until Yuan had to leave for work, wrapped her scarf around her neck with evident reluctance. Yuan too fidgeted, touching his protruding lips.

“See you in five days.”

“You said you’d come in the morning?”

“Around 7 when I arrive?”

“You could sleep first if you’re tired.”

“I’ll sleep here. Do you need anything for the house?”

“You brought a whole box last month as a housewarming gift.”

“That was a housewarming gift.”

“It’s been over half a year since I moved.”

Her soft face pretended to be stern. Her fingers, which had been touching the gold line sewn into her sleeve, slowly fell away. Perry firmly grasped his bare hand with its long extended knuckles. Their touching skin was warm.

“Never mind, just bring yourself. Don’t be late buying other things.”

“I understand.”

“Really, don’t buy anything. Got it?”

“I promise.”

Perry’s mouth corners rose with satisfaction, having finally extracted a commitment. In reality, Yuan was already thinking about what snacks he could buy at the airport. Whether aware of this scheme or not, Perry, who had carefully prepared her white cane and train ticket, casually asked.

“Ah, can I take one of your clothes? That coat.”

“I don’t mind…… Are you very cold?”

“I’m not.”

“I’ll give you another coat. This one I wore until yesterday. No, I’ll get you a new gift—”

“I like this one. Is that not okay?”

Her grape-like eyes gazed steadily at Yuan. Her two hands clutching the black coat were quite earnest. Since long ago, Yuan never knew how to refuse Perry—

“Of course it’s okay.”

And that habit wasn’t about to change now.

Having obtained the coat Yuan had tailored when he became an adult, Perry hummed a tune like a leopard successful in its hunt. The coat’s owner smiled foolishly, unable to even think of investigating why he had been plundered, simply happy that she liked it.

※※※

‘If it was going to be like this, why did you separate from Mother?’

‘Because the love is gone.’

The answer from his father, who had been living a dissolute life after the divorce, wasn’t particularly surprising. Yuan’s parents had been maintaining a precarious relationship worse than strangers for some time.

Yet the reason he asked such a question…… stemmed from pure incomprehension. If they had held such a grand wedding that the country was abuzz, they should have lived well until the end, or if they grew to hate each other and split up, they should have turned away cleanly.

In Yuan’s eyes, his father was excessively attached to his ex-spouse. His father, who never sent a single letter, often read his former wife’s books and occasionally even procured untranslated first editions.

Yuan found this both pitiful and uncomfortable. He was even somewhat angry at such an extremely tilted interest. Why can he only see one thing, as if he’s a racehorse with blinders?

A blindness that failed to observe surroundings. The gaze of the sculptor, too young to be middle-aged, was always fixed on a distant place. Eyes resembling Yuan’s grew increasingly turbid like ashes as time passed.

Because the love is gone—the sculptor’s son realized upon reaching adulthood that the subject had been omitted from that answer. Because the love is gone……

Whose?

No one existed to provide the answer, no matter how much he pondered. Yuan let his curiosity pass without regret. It wasn’t an important topic for him anyway.

If he had faced his own feelings at that time, wouldn’t things have gone differently?

Such belated imaginings always ended inconclusively. Partly due to his shallow imagination, but also because the protagonist of that imagination never gave Yuan time to immerse himself in it.

‘Thinking about that again?’

‘But…… you cried.’

‘Then I just won’t make you cry anymore.’

It was a refreshing smile that brightened the surroundings. At such times, Yuan had no choice but to take the extended hand and accompany Perry.

Just as he had in early spring.

‘I didn’t want to believe that I loved you.’

It was at a gathering after the play ended. Her eyes, still wearing makeup, were deep, and her eye area had a silver glow. The merciful Perry listened to his excuse instead of hastily questioning.

Yuan confessed haltingly, relying on the listener’s consideration. It was an unfriendly explanation with mismatched subjects and predicates, and past tenses mixed arbitrarily.

The love I’ve seen only inflicted wounds, it’s only harmful, impulsive, and will disappear someday…… I hoped it wasn’t such a base and self-centered feeling.

He had to repeat himself several times after biting his tongue in between. Some sentences were too slow, and others too fast. Yuan, who had learned situational speech patterns over the years, recognized that his manner was terrible. But whenever he thought about stopping, he couldn’t when he met those black eyes.

I must take responsibility, the firmly written letter had said so. ……It wasn’t purely out of a sense of responsibility.

‘I, well, Perry……’

The warmth covering the back of his hand was affectionate. That affection made Yuan spoiled. It made him keep crossing the lines he had drawn for himself, thinking this much should be okay.

‘I want you to be happy. I hope you achieve everything you want, eat delicious food every day, and never get hurt or sick. I hope you don’t lie awake at night, that you receive better treatment everywhere, and……’

Well, he had already crossed the line a long time ago.

‘I wish I could be by your side.’

If he had kept to his boundaries, he wouldn’t have been able to be this greedy.

‘I just, thought that way…… and that’s all,’

The sentence remained unfinished. Not because it was physically blocked like after the curtain call.

‘……Perry?’

The eyes of the person who had dragged Yuan to the dressing room, demanding a full confession, grew as large as a full moon. The black eyes with the dressing room lights reflected in them sparkled with a rim of pale light.

‘Perry?’

‘Oh, no, wait, just a moment……’

Her cheeks, ripened to the color of figs, looked just like the girl from years ago. The peer who waved her hand in surprise, not knowing the childish trick of meeting often.

When Perry, who had jumped up, approached, Yuan instinctively stiffened. It was because he unconsciously recalled their previous kiss. But the part she touched wasn’t his lips. Perry, without a single miss, embraced his slightly hunched shoulders.

‘So, um, you mean you don’t want to hurt me? That’s why you kept denying it.’

‘That’s right……?’

‘And now you’ve admitted it.’

‘Yes.’

‘Um, I know this will sound strange, but……’

‘Tell me anything you’re comfortable with.’

Please, the following plea made her laughter spread like ink pressed for a long time.

‘I wish I were the one who hurts you.’

‘……What?’

‘I mean…… I wish no one and nothing could harm you except me.’

Her round eyes wrinkled awkwardly.

‘Isn’t that what you meant too?’

‘I don’t want to hurt you, Perry……’

‘I don’t want that either. But, um……’

It was a gentle touch for someone who had muttered about wounds and such. Slowly, slowly, Perry’s gesture of reading Yuan was slower than her usual voice and more persistent than her gaze.

‘If there could be just one person who can hurt you…… I want to be that person. Don’t come back hurt from some strange place like this time.’

Do you hate that? To Perry’s question, Yuan had only one answer to give. Even the slightest firmness had completely disappeared with a single letter he had faced at dawn that day.

Laughter without resentment clung to Yuan’s ear. It was the first time in his life he had such a messy conversation.

Yuan widened his stride as he faced the cold wind.

The early spring night was cool. Most of the lights were off in the newly built mansion near the train station. His steps, which grew more urgent as he approached the mansion, turned into an outright run after passing the main entrance.

The hasty sprint ended only upon reaching the fourth floor. The visitor, smoothing his disheveled hair, carefully inserted the key into the brass hole. A modest mistletoe decoration swayed above his black hair.

After placing the snacks bought at the airport on the living room table, he reached the bedroom without turning on a single auxiliary light. Through the half-open door, an outline soaked in darkness was half-revealed.

“Perry?”

Yuan approached the bed silently and momentarily held his breath. His lover was lying in the same position as five days ago. Lying on her side, hugging a doll, looking younger than her age.