“You’ve really lost your mind…”
“I can’t threaten you with your mother anymore, so I had to think of something else to control you.”
A chill crept over me. Something was wrong.
I tried to step away, but Ludwig was quicker, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back. He tightened his grip, pinning me in place. Leaning close, he whispered in my ear.
“There are plenty of ways. You’re too d*mn soft-hearted.”
“Let go of me…”
“Still, I’m generous. I’ll give you a choice. After all, we’re the only family we have left in this world.”
The fact that I shared blood with someone like him felt especially revolting today.
“There are two things I want revenge on. First—those filthy citizens enjoying their freedom like nothing ever happened. Second—your husband, Reinhardt Helares, the b*stard who not only shot me but keeps getting in my way.”
The moment my husband’s name left his lips, I flinched without realizing it.
“For those citizens, I’ve prepared a little gift. An explosion. They love fireworks, don’t they? Perfect way to announce my return. I’m not joking.”
With a grin, Ludwig pulled open his coat.
Inside—bombs. Weap*ns. Packed in tightly.
The sight made my vision spin.
“These are just a few I brought to threaten you. The bigger ones are already set up elsewhere.”
He let out a low, delighted chuckle.
“As for Reinhardt Helares, he’s as hard to kill as I am, which is annoying. I might even get caught trying. But more than anything, I want to make him suffer. No matter how I think about it, that would hurt him the most right now.”
Ludwig pressed something into my hand.
My fingers trembled as I looked down.
A vial.
Medicine?
“The child you’re carrying—Helares’s child. Let’s send it to heaven. Just this once.”
I understood the moment he said it.
Cold dread crawled through my body.
The drug had once been banned across the kingdom for its ability to cause sudden, violent miscarriages in pregnant women.
I hadn’t thought he would go this far — even for him.
“Ludwig… just kill me and end it.”
“You’re going to die soon anyway. Why would I bother?”
He spoke so casually—dismissing my life as worthless.
His eyes gleamed with madness.
“Besides, this will break Helares far more. Be honest—do you really think he cares about your life?”
The words struck too close to the truth.
I couldn’t deny them.
“Of course, if you die now, the child dies too. But you’re still useful to me.”
“Do you think your husband would abandon you… if he found out you took a drug to kill his child yourself?”
I couldn’t say no.
He had forced himself on me, desperate to have a child from someone he despised so deeply.
“If Helares casts you aside, you’ll have nowhere left to go. You might end up coming back to me. Either way… it works out well for me.”
I had been completely wrong.
Despite his powerlessness, I had thought that Ludwig would be hiding quietly, unable to do anything.
But the Ludwig who returned from the brink of death was far more unhinged than I could ever have imagined.
I should have told someone — Jeremy, my husband, or anyone.
Ludwig was not sane. He couldn’t be reasoned with.
He needed to be captured and imprisoned — or killed, if necessary.
But where would I even begin?
‘Why are you betraying Ludwig, who was once so close to you?’
Ah. Because that closeness was a lie.
‘Then why did you help them?’
Because I was threatened. Exploited.
‘Threatened with what?’
My mother.
‘So you and Ludwig are half-siblings? You’re an illegitimate child?’
Then where is your mother now?
‘What? You killed her?’
“Sienna. You pretended to be so righteous, a saint and all… but in truth, you’re nothing but trash.”
“Countless lives… or just one—Helares’s child. It’s a simple choice. Pick one.”
I had been a fool—forgetting my position, even for a moment.
“You have until Helares returns from the hunt. Go back to your seat and decide quietly. If you haven’t taken the drug by the time he returns, the bombs will explode. Remember, I’m always watching. You know I’m not bluffing.”
He had always been like this.
Ludwig would present me with cruel choices and take pleasure in watching me suffer as I decided.
‘Save the people buried under a landslide, or the ones drowning in a flood?
K*ll the starving thief who stole bread, or the one who cursed the royal family?
Punish the territory that plotted rebellion, or the one that failed to pay taxes?’
My helplessness in the face of him was nothing new.
It was the result of a lifetime spent under his control, a habit that had become too deeply ingrained to break.
There wasn’t much time.
My husband was skilled with weap*ns, and since his role was merely ceremonial, he would probably finish the hunt quickly and return.
Instinctively, I looked around for someone — anyone — to ask for help.
But Ludwig caught on immediately.
He pulled me into his arms, blocking my view.
“Don’t even think about telling the soldiers or the guards. I’m ready to kill people at any moment. And if I get caught quietly, I’ll testify that you helped me. That makes you an accomplice.”
He spoke calmly, almost pleasantly.
“You helped me survive. That’s why I’m still alive. That’s why we’re meeting like this. That you assisted me in preparing the bombs. That we’re working together to reclaim the throne.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. No one will believe you. You’ve completely lost your mind.”
“Maybe. But aren’t you curious? Who do you think people will believe—me, or you?”
Although I dismissed his words, I wasn’t sure.
So many people hated me.
They twisted stories about me for entertainment, tore me apart for fun and wished me misery.
Would anyone believe me?
The fact that my thoughts had turned to my husband made me hate myself.
Would he believe me?
Still, I had to try.
I had to ask for help.
It was better to face his judgement and have him expose all my secrets than to be trapped in Ludwig’s clutches again.
Resolved, I turned back towards the crowd, ready to grab the nearest person and beg for help.
But—
“Ah. You never go beyond what I expect.”
Ludwig looked almost bored, as if my actions were too predictable to be worth noticing.
“…I think, that ruining Helares—and taking you for myself—should come first.”
Before I could react, something bitter and searing was forced into my mouth.
The moment it touched my tongue, it dissolved.
I tried to spit it out immediately, but Ludwig clamped a hand over my mouth and nose, cutting off my air supply.
My struggles were useless, like those of a pinned moth in a display case.
He held me there, motionless and waiting, until my desperate body had no choice but to swallow it.
Only after he had confirmed that I had swallowed it did he finally release me.
My strength gave out and I collapsed to the ground. I shoved my fingers into my throat, trying to vomit it back up, but it was already too late.
The drug had dissolved instantly, sliding down my throat and sinking into my stomach.
There was nothing left to bring back up.
“…It’ll hurt, but bear with it. Once you’re cast aside, I’ll come for you.”
Having enjoyed my suffering, Ludwig smiled lightly — almost cheerfully — before disappearing into the darkness.
The empty vial slipped from my trembling hand and rolled across the floor.
The drug took effect quickly.
My body shook violently, like a tree in a storm, as I endured what followed — something more terrifying than death itself.
A cold, tightening pain gathered in my abdomen.
Clutching at it, I staggered forward.
“…Someone… please… help me…”
Warm blood ran down my legs, thick and clinging as if something inside me was trying desperately not to let go.
The pain itself wasn’t overwhelming.
But what crushed me was the guilt and grief of the unbearable realization that I had become a murderer once again — just as I had with my mother.
I had killed my own child.
The despair dragged me down like a bottomless abyss.
People began to notice me.
Whispers spread.
Like a foolish animal that thinks it can disappear if it covers its head, I raised my pale hands to hide my face.
I couldn’t bear this moment.
Not even cruel thoughts brought me any comfort: that the child would never remember a mother who died too soon; that my husband would only see the child as a burden. None of it eased the pain.
I just wanted to disappear.
“Oh my God… Madam!!”
My guard and Laura had finally found me. Their faces drained of color as they rushed towards me.
I was quickly taken to hospital.
With shaking hands, I reached for my abdomen.
The space where the baby, no bigger than a fingernail, had been felt impossibly vast, as though something inside me had been torn away entirely.
Lying in a large private room, I stared blankly at the ceiling.
Sunlight streamed in, warm and gentle, yet I felt unbearably cold.
The doctor injected me with one unfamiliar medication after another and asked what had happened, but I couldn’t utter a word.
After shaking his head for a long time, the doctor finally sighed heavily and spoke.
“You lost the baby.”
For some reason, he seemed disappointed with me, as though he found me pathetic or contemptible.
Translator
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midori
Thanks! Noooo, she actually lost the baby?! I hope a miracle happened somehow and the baby’s still alive.
Ah yes, the ab*se with stockholm syndrome. Honestly, why am i not surprised? I’ve seen cases of it in real life in documentation, sigh. Now let’s see if she actually tells reinhardt, as she did before